Some Things Best Forgotten
by Grissom1
Summary: Has Grissom forgotten something very important and will Sara reveal the secret before she decides to leave? GSR romance and angst with some fluff...you know me.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

She lay there feeling his hands move across her body in one fluid motion making her gasp. She clenched the pillow tighter as his hands moved lower and then his lips lingered above hers. She waited for the taste of his lips as she watched him hovering above her. She groaned when she jerked her head up to find herself alone.

_Shit…._

_I hate these dreams…_

Sara rolled over and glanced at the clock. She groaned once more. It would be another sleepless day before shift. The dreams had become more persistent ever since she had broken up with Hank. She rolled back clutching the pillow tighter as she cried.

_How could I have been so wrong?_

_He was such a jerk…_

She swiped at her eyes and then cursed.

"He's not worth it!" she yelled out loud.

_But Grissom is worth it…_

She cursed again knowing the dreams and the tears were of Grissom and not Hank. Hank had been nothing in comparison to Grissom but then Hank had at least touched her, kissed her and had even offered sex but Sara had refused making him grow tired of waiting for her to move to the next level in their relationship.

_Relationship…._

_I never had a relationship…_

_He was just wanting a distraction…._

_A distraction from his fiancé…._

_I was just a distraction…._

It had been painful the way she had found out and especially since she had told herself that the only way she was ever going to be rid of her feelings for Grissom was to have sex…lots of sex. She had convinced herself that by exerting all of her energy into a relationship she would eventually wipe out all notions of a life with Grissom.

She sighed.

_I have a life with Grissom…._

_We see each other more than married couples…_

_We work side by side making important life altering decisions…_

_We say good night to each other and then…_

_We sleep alone…_

She cursed once more swiping at a tear that refused to go away. It had been a month since her ultimatum. She had hoped it would make him come to his senses but instead it had done the opposite. He pushed himself further away this time even taking a leave of absence for a short period of time. She told herself he had gone away to think about her ultimatum and when he returned he would come to her and…

Grissom returned and he seemed more at peace with himself. He was less distracted than before. There were times, he did not seem to hear or listen to her or the others. They told each other it was the stress of the job while Catherine told them he was just focusing too intently. They questioned Catherine from time to time about Grissom's sudden departure since she seemed to know where and what he was doing with his time off but she remained secretive. It didn't bother Sara. She had known as soon as she came to Vegas that Catherine and Grissom had a history.

They had been working together for years and they had formed a friendship much like that of a sister and brother. Sara smiled. It reminded her of her relationship with Nick. When she first came, Nick had actually flirted with her and they had gone out to dinner a few times. It was then they realized how comfortable they were with one another. It was Nick's summation of their relationship that had made Sara smile.

"You remind me of my sisters," he once said while holding her hand.

"You remind me of ….I never had a sibling," she said.

"You do now," he said and they had remained close friends ever since. He had been Sara's distraction, a safety net when things seemed to close in around her. She could count on Nick to pull her close to him and whisper something that would make her feel loved. She needed that. She craved it. Although she never told Nick of her feelings for Grissom, he somehow always knew. He also knew how sometimes Grissom was cruel even though he did not intend to be and came to Grissom's defense more than a time or two.

Her thoughts returned to the ultimatum.

_Why did I do it?_

_Why did I have to force him…_

_What did you really expect?_

She berated herself for reading too much into his care and concern that day. As she sat on the curb trying to recover from the lab explosion he had suddenly appeared in front of her.

"_Are you okay," he had asked quietly_

"_Uh- huh."_

"_Honey, this doesn't look good."_

"_It's fine."_

_He stared intently into her eyes trying to determine if she was truly fine._

"_Cleanup is going to be something. We should get started."_

"_You need to get stitches."_

"_I'm okay," she had replied and stood._

He had left her with a medic but later returned to make sure she was okay holding her hand in his while caressing her palm.

_It was not my imagination…_

_It was more than just concern…_

The explosion had stopped her from achieving her goal that day. She had finally told herself enough was enough. She was going to tell him how she felt and then force him to admit his feelings. The plan had been simple and direct. The explosion however had shook her to the core.

That evening she was even more convinced that she should just come out with it. She remembered how nervous she felt standing in the doorway as she did every evening before going home.

"_You uh got a minute?"_

"_I was just leaving," he said._

"_Yeah, the, uh, schedule says you're off tonight."_

"_I am."_

"_Me too."_

"_You should be on paid leave."_

"_I'm fine."_

"_You were fortunate."_

_They talked about the case briefly as he picked up his things to leave. _

"_Is that all you have to say?" he asked as he prepared to leave._

"_Would you like to have dinner with me?" she asked._

"_No."_

"_Why not? __Let's ... let's have dinner. Let's see what happens." _

"_Sara…I don't know what to do about this."_

"_I do."_

He knew she was reaching out to him once more but he couldn't accept. It was her last statement that caught him off guard this time.

"_You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late." _

She pressed the pillow tighter as she heard her sobs.

"It is too late…he's never cared for me…he's never going to love me,' she said.

The sound of the alarm clock caused her to rise from the bed and she quickly threw it across the room listening to it shatter.

_Another alarm clock broken…._

_All because of him…_

_Why doesn't he leave me alone…_

_Why does he always come when I'm so tired and just need to sleep in…_

She pulled herself up and headed for the shower.

He expected it would happen eventually as he stared into the mirror. He coughed and then felt a slight chill.

_What do you expect…_

_Working around the clock and ignoring your body…_

_I'm not young any more…_

He sighed. He had slept little rising earlier after having yet another dream of having her in his arms only to watch her disappear.

"I've never had her," he said out loud. "I never will. You're such a stupid fool."

He dressed and headed back to the lab. He arrived to see Brass standing at his door.

"You look like shit," he said.

"What do we have this time?' asked Grissom as Brass followed him to the break room for coffee.

"Got a body that needs a time line progression to determine time of death. It's one of your favorites," said Brass. "Not often you get to play with bugs."

Grissom looked at the report. In truth any other time, he would have been excited about the case but not this time.

_I'm not sick…_

_I'm not sick…._

_I'm…_

_Sick…_

Grissom groaned. It had been a hellish week and now he would have to go out of town on a case. He stared at the report and knew he would have to take Sara. He trusted no one else.

_I'm going to be working out of town for several days…._

_Hold up in some hotel for days…_

_With Sara…_

He sneezed.

He groaned once before getting to his feet and collecting some things before leaving the lab. Their relationship was strenuous at best.

_It's her fault…_

_Her ultimatum…_

"_You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late." _

He looked around the lab and was surprised she had not arrived yet. They were always early, each ignoring the other's presence.

_Probably was out late with Hank…_

_Probably had dinner with him…_

_I could have had dinner with her…_

_I turned her down…_

_Probably spent the night at her apartment…._

_Probably made love to her…_

_Too late…_

He sneezed again as he cursed. He slid into the Denali and drove home. He began to shiver once he entered the house and turned up the heat. He packed a suitcase and then headed back to the lab. She glanced up when she heard him reading off the assignments. She was not prepared for it.

_I'll take a decomp…_

_I'll work doubles back to back…_

_Please…_

_I don't want to go on a road trip…_

She cursed inwardly as she picked up the report and started for the door.

"Sara?"

She cringed.

"Yeah?"

"You'll need to pack," he said.

"I can do that…"

"I'll drop you off on the way…I've already packed," he said.

"Fine."

He watched as she walked out of the room.

_Already she says 'fine'…_

_She probably hates this as much as I do…_

_I don't hate it…_

_I'm just…_

He sneezed.

Catherine and the others looked at him.

"You don't sound too good," said Catherine.

"It's just a cold," he said as he headed out the door.

"Glad I'm not going to be trapped in a vehicle with him for several hours," said Greg.

"Feel kind of sorry for Sara," said Nick as he slowly smiled, "just glad it's not me. Those time line progressions… watching a bunch of bugs is not what I'd want to do for the next several days."

"Me either," said Catherine. "Guess it pays not to be interested in Grissom's experiments."

She sat across from him without saying a word. Once they arrived, she was surprised when she felt him following her. She opened the door and headed to the bedroom. She glanced back and saw him standing in her kitchen.

"Do you have any orange juice?" he asked.

"Help yourself."

She returned to find him finishing off the carton.

"Thirsty?"

"Vitamin C helps…"

"Got a cold?"

"It would appear so."

_Great…_

_I'm going to be stuck in the vehicle with him…_

_I'm going to get sick…_

_I hate being sick.._

Silence returned as soon as they left. After a few hours, she glanced at him.

_He's sick…_

_He's really sick..._

"Grissom's you're sick."

"It's just a cold."

She stared at him.

He stared back.

_I hate being sick…_

_I'm not going to be weak…_

_She thinks I'm weak…_

She yawned.

"You've been doing that a lot on the job lately. You should devote more time to sleep. Your job should be more important than your social life."

He regretted it the moment he said it.

She stared at him.

"Is that supposed to be a complaint about my job performance because it's the first I've heard from you! Besides I don't flaunt my social life while I'm on the job," she replied finding her arms suddenly folded in front of her.

She regretted it the moment she said it.

He stared at her.

"What's that suppose to mean?" he asked.

_Don't go there Sara…_

_Just let it drop…_

_Just let it…_

"I don't cross my legs and sit on the boss's desk while I lean forward exposing my breast so the boss can get…"

Her eyes grew wide. Her remark had shocked even her.

Note from author:

Hello, yes a new story begins. Please be sure and leave a review for each chapter. I have decided to leave two chapters today to help build the suspense…yes I like angst. Don't disappoint with the reviews.

Take care!

Penny


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

He grinned.

She wanted to slap the grin off his face.

"Sofia is a flirt. She doesn't mean anything by it…"

"So her actions didn't encourage you to ask her out to dinner?"

Her eyes grew wide again as her hand flew up to feel her forehead.

_I think I'm sick…_

_I have to be sick to be saying this…_

Her actions did not go unnoticed.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" she barked.

"Fine!" he barked back.

They remained silent.

They stopped for gas and she went inside getting some drinks. He disappeared for a moment and she took advantage of the opportunity to slide behind the wheel. He returned and stared at her.

"I got you an orange juice," she offered as a peace offering.

He got into the passenger side without an argument.

"Thanks," he said as he gulped it down along with some pills and then closed his eyes as they began again. He slept the remainder of the way. She gently shook him when they approached the sight. They got out and he quickly began assessing the crime scene, collecting evidence as Sara assisted.

They spent the next twelve hours on the scene and then wrapped up for the day. They headed to the only hotel in the small town. She glanced at him when they drove up.

"How long are we going to be here?" she asked.

"At least two more days," he said.

"We may be dead by then. This place looks like the Bates hotel," she said as she stared at it.

"It's the only hotel," he said as he sneezed.

She stared at him.

"I'll go check us in," she said.

She was not prepared.

"What do you mean there's only one room left?" she asked in a huff.

"Only hotel around. Most people are coming in to avoid the storm that's coming across the desert."

"Storm?" she asked.

"Yeah, they've been talking about it all morning," said the clerk.

"We'll take the room. It does have double beds, right?" she asked.

"Yes, it does."

She sighed.

_He'll probably think I did this on purpose…._

_Should have made him come and check us in…_

She returned to the vehicle and slid back behind the wheel.

"We have two problems," she said as she looked at him.

"First one," he said.

"There's only one room left but at least it has double beds," she said quickly.

"Fine," he said.

_Did he just say fine?_

She stared at him and felt the urge to place her hand on his forehead to check for a temperature.

"You said two problems," he said.

"There's a storm coming in. We'll have to go back and try to secure the sight…"

He sneezed.

"Grissom, I can go back. It won't take…"

"Drive. We need to get back and finish this now," he said.

She glanced at him from time to time watching him as he shivered and then wiped the sweat from his brow. They finished just as the lightning lit up the sky. They beat the rain back to the hotel and were able to bring in the evidence before the first drops began. She saw him shiver and she turned up the heat.

"Look, why don't you look over everything we've collected and I'll go out to get us something to eat. Any preference?" she asked.

He coughed shaking his head as he began going through the evidence. She left and returned an hour later carrying in food and drinks and medicine. He had changed clothes and now had on sweats and yet he still shivered. She spread the food out on the table and waited.

He sat there and smiled when he saw that she had gotten soup. She also set down several over the counter medications along with a cough suppressant.

"We'll need to take shifts documenting the progression of…" he sneezed and then coughed.

"I know the procedure. I've watched you enough…"

He stood taking the food and sat down on the bed.

_Even when we're trapped in a hotel room, he can't bring himself to eat a meal with me._

She fumed.

Sofia had made a point in bragging about her dinner with Grissom. It was her comments that had sent Sara into days of depression.

"_Gil has fine taste in restaurants," she said as she stood in the break room with the others._

"_Well, I can't believe he asked you out," said Judy._

"_I didn't. He's been attracted since the moment we met. I wasn't surprised when I'd only been here a few weeks and he was asking…I waited at least awhile before accepting." She purred as she glanced over at Sara._

Sara sat the soup down and pushed it away. She had been waiting years for Grissom to ask her out and Sophia had gotten his attention in just weeks.

_I'm not his type…_

_I'm not her…_

_I can't be her…_

_I'm just plain…_

_Tired…_

She wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. She got up and grabbed some things and headed to the bathroom, showering and then changing into her own sweats. She glanced into the mirror.

_Sofia would have worn a nice night gown…_

_I don't own a nice gown…_

_Sofia wears makeup…_

_I…_

She sighed. She stepped out and found him setting up the specimens and saw that he was already recording the first bit of data.

_Good…_

_I'll let him take the first shift…_

_I'll sleep…_

She headed toward the bed and stopped.

"Grissom, you need to…"

"I've taken some. You can have the first watch," he said as he coughed and then sneezed.

She squared her shoulders and returned to the table. He reviewed the data with her before turning in. She glanced at him and noticed he was already asleep.

She yawned.

_It's going to be a long night…_

She found herself staring at him. It wasn't often she was able to do that without being caught. She saw him shiver and she checked the heat. She pulled the comforter from her bed and placed it over him. She felt his forehead and suddenly grew alarmed. She quickly rushed to the bag of purchased items and retrieved the thermometer she had purchased but hidden from him.

_Would never agree to have his temperature taken…_

_But if he's sick…really sick…_

She sat on the edge of the bed and felt his forehead once more. His eyes opened to stare at her.

"You were shivering," she said. "I'm going to take your temperature."

He didn't object.

_He's so sick…_

She sat there a moment while he kept the thermometer in his mouth. She glanced at her watch and then pulled it out to read it.

"Grissom, you have a temperature of 102 degrees," she said.

"I'm sick," he admitted.

She retrieved some medicine from the table along with a glass of water and waited until he took them.

"Sara…"

"Sleep. I've got everything under control," she said as she watched him struggle to get up.

He slumped back down in the bed and was asleep before she returned to the desk.

Hours passed as she continued to monitor and record the data. He woke a few times asking about the tests. She filled him in each time giving him medicine and then watching him fall back to sleep. She was worried.

His temperature had remained high despite the medication.

She rubbed her eyes and took another shower to help her stay awake. She scribbled a note on the desk and slipped out to get food and more supplies.

She waited for the waitress to return with the food as the local sheriff came to stand next to her.

"You're one of the CSIs from Vegas?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Do you have a time of death for us?" he asked.

"Not yet. The progression is a long process. We'll give you our results as soon as we can," she said as she grabbed the food and left.

She returned to find him sitting up.

"You're awake," she said as she pulled out the contents of the packages.

"How is the…"

"I met the sheriff. He's kind of antsy about wanting our results," she said placing the food in front of him.

"Did you…"

"Yes, I did," she said.

He stared at the food.

"Griss, you have to eat."

"I'm not sure I can."

"Nausea?"

"Yes."

"More than a cold…flu perhaps," she said. "Only way to find out if you can eat is to try."

He ate. She glanced over a time or two as she recorded the results and then sat down to eat herself. She cringed when she watched him rush to the bathroom closing the door behind him. She felt for him as she heard him lose the contents of the breakfast. She then heard the sound of running water and continued to sit there at the desk until she heard the door open and he stepped out.

"Feel better?" she asked.

He did not reply but walked over to the desk and observed the data collected so far.

"Any questions?" she asked.

"You've learned well," he said. He shivered and she found herself pushing him back into the bed and throwing the covers back over him. He did not complain when she placed the medicine in his hand. He took it.

"Sara, I…"

"I can manage this on my own," she said.

"No, you can't. You need to call Catherine and have her send someone to help," he said. "You're going to need a break soon," he said as he felt himself drifting back to sleep.

_And just who are they going to send?_

_No one else knows the progression research…_

_No one else was stupid enough to…._

She called filling Catherine in on the tests along with the fact that Grissom was sick.

"Are you going to be able to handle this on your own?" asked Catherine.

"Is there anyone else?" asked Sara.

"No," came the reply.

"I didn't think so," replied Sara.

"Grissom always did this on his own. Not sure how he managed but he did," said Catherine.

"Then I'll manage," said Sara.

"Do we need to come and get Grissom?" asked Catherine.

"I'm not sure he would want that but yes, I think it would be best if someone took him to a doctor. He probably has the flu," she said.

"Not sure anyone would want to be around him then," said Catherine. "Good thing you're not stuck in the same room with him. He's bound to give it to anyone he's around."

_Great…_

_Just great…_

"Catherine, there's a storm here right now," said Sara.

"It might be a day before I can send someone," said Catherine, "We're all pretty buried in bodies right now."

"I'll keep you posted. Call me when you can come…maybe he'll be better by then," she said.

She sat back down and stared at him. She felt herself growing sleepy as she glanced at her watch. The warmth of the room did not help matters but she could not turn it down. She slipped out of the room quietly and stood outside letting the cool breeze bring her fully awake. When she returned the bed was empty and once more she heard him in the bathroom.

She waited for him to return but he remained. She stood outside the door and when she did not hear anything she tapped lightly.

"Griss?"

When he did not respond, she swallowed hard and then tried the door. She found him sitting in the floor holding his head with his hands.

"Grissom?"

"Give me a minute," he whispered.

"Take five. I just wanted to make sure you were not paying homage to the porcelain God anymore?"

"Homage to the porcelain God?"

"That's what we used to call it in college," said Sara coming to sit on the edge of the bathtub.

"We called it puking," he said.

"There's no eloquence in that word," she said with a grin.

"I'll try to remember that," he said as he struggled to get up. She assisted even though he protested.

"I'm not an invalid," he snapped.

"No, you're just camped out here in the bathroom and I have to go," she replied.

He refused to let her help him back to the bed and insisted on checking the data. She stood and watched as he used the last of his energy to review the data.

"Grissom, I can do this on my own," she said.

"I didn't say you couldn't," he said. "Did you call Catherine?"

"They're swamped and she doesn't know who could possibly help anyway. She's going to send someone in a day to get you," she said softly.

"I don't need someone to come and get me. I'm going to be fine by tomorrow!" he shouted at her.

"Fine!" she said. His words stung. She had expected him to be grateful but instead his anger grew.

"I didn't ask you to tell Catherine to come and get me. I'm not that…" he felt the room spinning as he grabbed for the desk. She was there instantly supporting his weight as she forced him to lie back down.

"Not that sick huh? What do you call almost falling on your face? You're sick…really sick. You need to be seen by a doctor," she said fuming. She checked his temperature again and her concern grew.

_103 degrees…_

_He's getting worse…_

_Stubborn jack ass…_

_So afraid I'm going to see him vulnerable…._

_Probably wished he had trained Sophia so she could have come instead of me…_

_Would like to see her doing this…_

_No I wouldn't…._

_It's the only thing I can do that she can't…_

She returned to the desk and swiped at her eyes. She was exhausted. Her body ached and she longed to sleep but knew there were several more hours of work ahead of her. She was surprised when she heard his voice.

"Have you eaten at least?"

She refused to look at him but nodded even though she hadn't. The room grew silent again. She recorded the data once more and then glanced back to see he had fallen back to sleep. She showered using only cold water to make her more alert. She shivered herself as she stepped out. She cursed when she realized she hadn't thought to bring in some clean clothes. She peaked out and was relieved to find him still asleep. She stepped out and grabbed her robe wrapping it firmly around her body as she then prowled through her bag in search of clothes. She heard him calling for her and she panicked. She turned to hear him calling once more and his plea frightened her.

"Griss?" she asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She was completely startled when she found herself being pulled down as he hugged her body to his. Her senses were reeling at the feel of her naked body against his.

"Grissom, you need to let me go," she said.

"Please don't go. You always go," he said as he rolled over to pin her body beneath his. It was his lips on hers that made her stop resisting. It was light at first but then it grew in intensity until she was gasping for air. She felt her body react to the kiss and she found herself pulling at his shirt which was soon discarded to the floor and then she gasped again when she found his naked body now on hers.

"Grissom?" she whispered.

"Just let me love you," he whispered. She felt him enter her and she lost all sense of reality. She had been waiting for years for him to show her how he felt and now he had just asked her to let him love her. She choked back the emotions as she kissed him letting the tears flow freely as she whispered in his ear, "I love you…I think I've loved you forever."

He was moving now inside her and she kept up with the pace lavishing in the feel of him inside her. She knew as he quickened the pace he would soon find his climax and she quickly joined him as their bodies shuddered together. It had been beautiful. It had been everything she had ever dreamed it would be. She kissed him and felt him roll over to his side. She lay there watching him as his eyes remained closed. She felt his forehead and it was hot to the touch.

"Grissom?" she asked.

"Sofia?"

The name sent an icy chill down Sara's back as she struggled to get up. She pulled on the robe and then headed to the bathroom locking it behind her and she sobbed into a folded towel.

_He makes love to me…_

_But calls her name…_

_What the hell was I doing?_

_He didn't want me…_

_He wanted her…_

_He was making love to her…_

_Not me…_

Note from author:

So now, our real story begins. I have given you two chapters to review so be nice and leave a review for each one.

Take care!

Penny


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

She felt the bile rise and she vomited. She sat there staring at the tile floor until she knew she would have to record the data once more. She stood and washed her face staring into the mirror at the dark circles and now puffy eyes.

_I'm such a fool…_

_I'm such a fool…_

She squared her shoulders and went back to work. He slept for hours as she continued to finish up the tests. She packed most of the contents up when her cell rang.

"Sidle," she said weakly.

"You don't sound good," said Nick. "Are you okay?"

_No, I need to come home…_

_I need you to tell me I'm worth loving…_

_I need someone…_

"I'm just tired," she said.

"When was the last time you slept?" he asked.

"The work is about done," she said.

"Greg and I are coming up," he said.

She gulped trying to hold in the tears.

"We're coming," he said again. "Sara, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm…can you hurry?" she whispered.

"Be there soon, honey," he said quickly. "Just hang in there. Is Grissom okay?"

"He's fine…never better….why don't you send Sophia up to get him?" she said bitterly.

"Sara?"

"Never mind. I'm tired Nicky…so very tired," she said.

She closed the phone and then returned to her tasks. He stirred and she turned her back to him but then she quickly walked over and placed her hand on his forehead.

_Not as hot…_

_Fever is breaking..._

_Just like my heart…_

_Just like…_

A few hours later he was up. He watched as she paced around the room picking up things only to set them back down.

"Sara, are you okay?" he asked.

"Never better," she said with arms folded in front of her.

"Look, I know you were not happy about coming. I know you would much rather…"

"It's time for your medicine," she said as she handed it to him.

"You've taken good care of me…better than anyone…"

"I'm going to load up the Denali with this extra equipment and then get something to eat."

She left before he could finish.

He sat there dumbfounded.

_What did I do?_

He stretched. It had been a hard night. He knew she had come to sit with him because he remembered seeing her there in her robe.

_A robe?_

_She wore a robe?_

He dismissed the fuzzy details of the night and headed to the shower, stopping to look at the data.

_She's good…_

_As good as me…_

_I've taught her everything I know…_

_I'm no longer her mentor…_

_She's no longer my student…_

_She's…_

_Better off without me…_

He began to worry when she did not return immediately. He sat there and waited reviewing the data once more.

He was relieved when she stepped back into the room.

"I was beginning to worry…"

"I ran into the sheriff. He cornered me, wanting to know what we had determined," she said.

"He can wait…"

"I told him," she said quickly.

"Should have made him wait for the final report…"

"Do you not agree with the results?" she asked.

"No…yes I agree with your findings," he said not sure why she seemed so angry.

"Good because the sheriff is pissed. He doesn't believe the findings. It seems our time line is going to let their prime suspect free."

"Evidence doesn't lie," said Grissom.

She didn't reply but set the food and drinks on the table and then hurried to the bathroom. He stood and watched her disappear.

_She's acting strange…._

_She's exhausted…_

_She has to be exhausted…_

She returned to find him waiting for her.

"I thought we could…"

"I'm not hungry," she said as she grabbed the coffee and retreated to the desk.

"You've got to be exhausted…Why don't you…"

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Grissom opened it to find Greg and Nick.

"You're not dead," called Greg.

"Did you guys notice how this place looks like the Bates Hotel?" asked Nick.

"I think Sara commented on that when we drove up," said Grissom.

"Hey! Ready to head back to Vegas?" asked Nick. She half smiled and he could tell she was upset.

"Well, let's get this packed up," said Nick.

Grissom finished his breakfast as the guys loaded up. Nick was surprised when she slid into his vehicle. "I'll ride back with you…Greg can ride with Grissom."

"Sure," said Nick. "Are you okay?"

"I'm…want to go home Nicky. I need to go home. Okay?" she said trying to keep her composure.

"Sure honey. I'll just go and tell them," he said.

He returned shortly and as they drove away she saw Grissom laughing with Greg.

_Some things are best forgotten…_

_Some things are best forgotten.._

_Some things are best…_

_Some things are…_

_Devastating…_

He did not push her but let her sit quietly as she cried.

"Why don't you try to sleep?" he said pulling her hand over and holding it.

"I don't think I remember how to sleep," she said. "Not sure I'll ever be able to sleep again."

It made him pull over.

"What happened?" he asked finally. "I'm worried about you."

She shrugged her shoulders as she felt herself sobbing.

"Sara?" he pulled her close.

"I never should have come to Vegas, Nick. I should have stayed in San Francisco."

"Does this have anything to do with Hank?"

She stared at him.

"Catherine told me….it kind of slipped."

She laughed through the tears. "I wish."

She swiped at her face when she noticed Greg had pulled up behind them.

"I'm fine, really. Please can we just go?" she pleaded.

Nick waved at Greg and then pulled back onto the road.

"I'm here when you're ready to talk. You hear me? Any time day or night?" he said.

She smiled as she stared out the window.

It was a record for her. She couldn't remember when she had last slept and now she feared she had over done it this time. She helped bring in the evidence and then left. Nick stood and watched as she walked out. Grissom came to stand beside him.

"Did she sleep any on the way back?" he asked.

"No." he said staring at Grissom.

"Well, she did a great job. I don't know what I would have done if she didn't handle it. Did she seem out of sorts?" asked Grissom.

Nick nodded. "I hoped you would have an explanation."

"I don't have a clue," said Grissom. "She said the sheriff made her tell him our decision prior to the final report. He wasn't happy about our outcome. They're going to have to let their prime suspect go."

"Maybe she's worried she didn't do it correctly," said Nick.

"I checked the data and the photos. I couldn't have done a better job," said Grissom.

"Well, she'll feel better once she gets some rest," said Nick.

She didn't feel better.

There was no sleep.

There was no peace.

She found herself back at the lab within a day. He stood there and stared as he watched her head to the break room.

_If she thinks she's going to work after only eight hours…_

_I bet she hasn't even slept…_

_What does she think she needs to prove?_

She pressed the coffee cup to her lips just as he entered the room.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

She turned to reply when Sophia walked in taking her arm into his.

"I heard you were sick," she purred.

He didn't comment but glanced at Sara as she turned her back.

"I heard the Thomas case is going to be contested," he said.

"It won't matter. There's too much evidence…You have been sick. You look pale. Are you sure you should be here…"

"I'm fine," he replied.

"Dinner after shift. We have some unfinished business. I have a decision for you," she said.

"Dinner?" he suddenly asked.

Sara hurried past them. He watched as she left.

She was sick.

She felt it the moment she entered the lab but she didn't care.

She wanted to work.

She needed to work.

She needed to work without him.

She ended up with him.

She cursed inwardly.

_Haven't I been punished enough?_

_Haven't I…_

She rushed to the bathroom and paid homage to the porcelain God. He was waiting for her when she walked out and he stared at her as she opted to ride with Brass.

_I should have sent her home…_

_She has no business working…_

_I just wanted to talk with her…_

_To tell her how thankful I was…_

_That she cared for me…_

_That she cares for me…_

"Hey Kiddo, has anyone told you how sick you look?" he asked.

"Thanks. I can always count on your honesty," she said.

"What the hell are you doing working right after…"

"Drive," she said.

He drove. He had seen that look enough to know she needed to work. Work was her therapy and by the looks of her, she needed a lot.

"So I heard about the road trip. I want to hear your version of it now," he said as he glanced at her.

"My version?" she asked.

"Yeah, Grissom said you were a regular…"

"A regular what?" she yelled.

"A regular Florence Nightingale…what did you think I was going to say?" he asked.

She didn't answer.

"Must have been some road trip," he said as he continued to drive.

It was a long and tedious crime scene. Her body screamed for rest but she continued to push herself. He watched her from a distance as his anger began to rise.

_Enough is enough…_

_I've had enough…_

"What do you think you're doing?" he said as he glared at her.

"I'm working," she said.

"Go home."

"Do you have a problem?" she asked. She groaned when she saw Sofia approaching with Brass.

"Hey Gil. Better pick up the pace if we're going to make dinner…"

"I'm leaving," said Sara as she yanked off her gloves and threw them on her kit.

Sofia snorted. "Well, if we can't make our dinner reservations because Sara has decided to quit, then I can move them back or we can go to my place," offered Sofia.

"She's not quitting," said Grissom.

"Yes, I am" said Sara quickly. "I quit."

Grissom's head jerked up.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I quit! I no longer wish to be employed with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I quit!" she yelled as she began picking up her kit.

"Sara, you can't quit. You're tired. Go home. Rest. You can come back in a couple of days…"

Sofia stood there glaring at Sara.

"I'm giving my two week notice…"

"What the hell am I supposed to do in two weeks? It takes longer than that to find a replacement?" yelled Grissom.

_What am I saying!_

_I don't want her to leave…_

_I was just trying to make her rest before she drops…_

_She's so damn stubborn…_

_So afraid I'll see how vulnerable she really is…_

"Fine, if you want to quit, one month…I need one month to find a replacement!" he said.

"Fine! One month," she said as she walked away only to realize she had ridden with Brass and was now stranded there.

"I'll drive you," said Brass. "Need to go back to the lab anyway."

Once they were in the vehicle and had driven away. He pulled over and stared at her.

"What the hell was that?" he yelled.

"I quit," she said quietly. She looked at him and then began to cry, "I quit Jim."

He sighed and then started the vehicle again.

Note from author:

Thanks for the reviews. I can't believe I have to say this but to those who are worried about how this story is starting, if you've read anything of mine before then you know it is GSR. All I ask is that you read along…take a deep breath and read along. BY the way for the person who made the comment that she thought this was going to be my best story…it's not. I am convinced the current story I am writing is going to be the best….oh wait until I post it! I am so in love with it…which is the reason the epilogue to "Taking Risks" has not been posted. It will be by the end of the week.

Take care!

Penny


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

"You're not quitting. I'm not going to let you. Shut up and sit there until I can get you home."

She listened as he told her repeatedly she was not going to quit as he drove her home. She slipped out of the seat once they were there and he found himself walking her to the door.

"Listen Kiddo. You're tired. I've never seen you this tired. Take some time off. You'll feel better," he said as he waited until she was inside.

She found herself in the bathroom floor. It was easier to stay there than to risk not making it to the bathroom. She felt her forehead and shivered.

_Flu…_

_First he rips my heart out…_

_Then Sofia causes me to run my mouth and quit…_

She choked back a sob.

_Stop feeling sorry for yourself…_

_Get up and call your old boss…_

_Get your old job back…_

_Get up and…_

_Maybe in a little while…_

She managed to pull herself up after an hour and curled up in the bed. She shivered as she tried to toss on another blanket but was too weak to get up again. She saw her phone there on the stand and she reached for it. She welcomed his voice.

"Corbin? It's me, Sara Sidle," she said.

"Ready to come back?" he asked.

She almost let out a sob.

"Got anything for me?' she asked.

"There's a job opening coming up. Want me to hold it for you?" he asked.

"Yes. Corbin? I need a job soon," she said.

"Things okay? No problems with the job?" he asked.

"No problems…just a bad relationship," she said.

"I'll keep in touch. Hang in there," he said as she heard the phone click.

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep but felt the nausea return once more. She found herself back in the floor as she finally slept. She did not come to the door even though he pounded on it. When she did not respond to that, the phone continued to vibrate until it fell off the nightstand.

"Brass, there's something wrong," said Nick. "I haven't been able to reach her for two days."

"Okay, I'm worried now," he said as he called up the manager and insisted on letting them inside.

Once the door was opened, Nick rushed in to find her on the bathroom floor.

"Sara!" he yelled as he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

"Nick?"

"You haven't been answering your phone or the door in two days," he said.

"I'm sick," she said between coughs.

"You have the damn flu. Grissom gave it to you," said Brass.

Nick felt of her forehead and then looked at Brass. "She's burning up."

"I think it's time for a doctor visit," said Nick.

"It's just the flu. I'll be better tomorrow," she said weakly.

"Bullshit," said Brass.

Nick picked her up, "You're coming to stay with me."

"No she's not. She's coming to stay with me," said Brass.

Brass attempted to take her from Nick but he refused.

"I'm cold," she said.

"Look, I have more time and a much nicer boss than you. Grissom is going to need you since Sara is still going to be out," said Brass.

Nick relented. "She'll need some things."

When she woke she found herself in a strange bed. She tried to pull herself up but found it was easier to lie there.

"Awake finally?" asked Brass.

She nodded. "How long.."

"Been here for about nine hours… I sent for Doc. You had me worried," he said.

"I'm sorry."

"Got some soup…your favorite. Greg dropped it off," he said as he disappeared for awhile before returning with the cup.

She sipped on it and let it warm her from the inside.

She smiled.

"I think you're feeling better," he said.

"Much."

"Good, now we can talk about your hair brain idea about leaving."

"I'm leaving," she said. "I called my old boss and he has another job opening up soon. I'm leaving."

"Why?"

"I can't stay here anymore."

"Is it Sofia?"

"I'm not happy here. I haven't been happy for a long time."

"I still think you're jumping into this. Sara, we want you to stay…even Grissom."

"I'm not. You can just tell him that!"

"So it has to do with Grissom. What did he do?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to talk about it, please."

He let it go only because Doc had arrived and he visited with her.

"Well, it's the flu. Pretty bad case of it. You look like…"

"Don't finish it. I can imagine," said Sara.

"Bed for two more days," he said. "Liquids then solids…lots of fluids….heard you quit."

She didn't reply.

"Hope that was just a rumor," he said.

She remained silent.

"Call me if you need me. Okay?" he said.

She nodded.

She was back at work within a few days and she avoided any eye contact with him as he handed out assignments. When he did not call out her name, she was forced to look at him.

"You didn't give me an assignment," she said.

"I didn't intend to give you any," he said as he returned the stare.

The others watched the exchange but quickly got up and headed out. They remained seated. She started to get up when he told her to sit. She sat there staring at her note pad.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Fine."

"Nick and the others were worried when you wouldn't answer your phone or door…I was too."

"It was nice of them to check on me…to care enough to come when I needed someone," she said now staring directly at him.

"Sophia and I were out of town…"

She was getting up now ignoring his initial request.

"Sara, sit!"

She whirled around and glared at him before sitting back down.

"I was hoping you had changed your mind about…I didn't take it seriously. I thought you were exhausted. You were. You wouldn't admit it but you were …and you were sick. I could tell."

_And yet you don't bother to check on me…_

_To be concerned enough to drop by or call…._

"I've called my old boss and he's lining up a job for me. I still quit…but I'll wait a month so you can replace me…it shouldn't be hard…I mean look how quickly you found Sophia."

She was already at the door when she heard him again.

"Fine. Turn in your resignation. I'll need it in writing for personnel."

She felt her heart lurch. She felt the last untouched fragment shatter as he turned to look at her with cold blue eyes.

"Fine." She replied as she hurried out.

It took her an hour to type the resignation. If she had opened her drawer she could have pulled out one she had written before. In fact, the drawer contained several. She had been on the verge of quitting so many times in the past but had changed her mind. Now she found herself walking toward him with a purpose as she watched him stand there in conversation with her. He turned and she handed it to him before walking away.

_I've done it…_

_I've finally done it…_

_I've quit…_

_In a month I'll be gone…_

_I'll be back in San Francisco and this will all be a memory…_

_Some things are best forgotten…_

He felt an odd feeling come over him as he watched her walk away. There had been so many times in the past in which he was sure he would find her resignation on his desk and yet it had never happened. It was odd. He half expected it to occur when they had disagreed but not like this. She had seemed so caring while he had been ill and then suddenly without reason she had pulled away.

_Perhaps she realized how old I really am…_

_How much trouble I would be…_

_Not worth the effort…_

_I don't want her to leave…_

_I miss her already…_

_She's really going to leave this time…_

_Not just a six month leave like last time…._

_She's not coming back…_

It made him angry.

_Why did she come here…_

_Why did she make me think she cared about me…_

_Wanting me to…_

_Fall in love with her…_

_I have…_

_And now she's leaving…_

He cursed.

She kept in contact with Corbin and was thrilled when he told her about the new position. It would mean more pay and better hours.

"It still has to be approved. Anything can happen," he cautioned.

"It has to happen," she said. "I've already quit."

She gave up her lease on the apartment telling herself it was a sign that things were looking up. She had feared she would be stuck with two leases but then realized her lease was up for renewal.

_I just need the job now…._

_I just need to pack…_

_And leave all of this behind…_

She packed after each shift, letting herself give up the notion of sleeping since her body betrayed her each time she tried to rest. It was pure exhaustion that brought sleep these days. She stared at the boxes that now lined the walls. She sat there staring at what her life had become.

_A few boxes are all I have to show for my years here…_

Her hand traced over the book he had given her one Christmas. She swiped at her eyes and got up.

_Just two more weeks…_

_I'll be gone…_

_Taking nothing with me…_

_Taking…_

She froze. She counted back in her head and then frantically found herself pulling up her diary on her laptop and searched the information and then stared at the date.

_No, no, no, no, no…_

"I've been sick," she said out loud. "This has happened before."

She lied to herself. It was better than facing reality.

She continued to lie to herself as she drove to the pharmacy and even as she sat there the next morning and waited for the test results. She slumped to the floor as she sobbed.

_How could I've been so stupid!_

"How could I've been so stupid!" she screamed as she sobbed.

She felt she was in a nightmare as things spiraled out of control.

"What do you mean, the job has been scrapped," said Sara desperately.

"We've been way over budget. I told you it was a gamble but to be honest I really thought they wouldn't do this….Sara?"

"Is there anything?" she begged.

"They said they would implement the new position in twelve months," he said. "Sara, can you hold on for twelve months?"

"I'll have to," she said.

"Sara?"

"I'll see you in twelve months," she said before hanging up.

He was not sympathetic to her plight.

"That's why we have you to renew your lease within two weeks before it expires. These kinds of apartments are a hot commodity. To be honest with you, we can get more rent now that you're leaving."

"I'll pay more," she offered.

He declined. "My mother in law has been after us to move out and when you didn't renew the lease, we told her we were moving out. Sorry but my wife would kill me if I gave up this good deal."

She begged but in the end she knew she would have to find another place to live. She had now lost her apartment.

She looked around the apartment and cursed once more. She was quiet at work that night and said very little to anyone. Once the shift was over, she hurried out the door and got to her appointment. She sat there and went through the motions as the doctor congratulated her.

"Is there anything else we can do for you?" she asked with a smile.

_Yes, I need a place to live, a job and someone to love me…_

Note from author:

Are we moving fast enough? Now, for those of us that hate Sophia (notice I have included myself) things are **not **what they seem in my stories so don't lose heart. Leave the reviews!

Take care!

Penny


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

She grabbed her prescriptions and left. She placed her things in storage and immediately began looking for a place. Nick watched as she rummaged through the want ads.

"Looking for something?" he asked.

"I need…" she stopped herself.

She knew that all she would have to do is ask and he would gladly help but she also knew that he was too much of a friend for her to involve him in the mess she had made of her life. Besides, there was one need she would have to resolve soon. It took priority.

_In a week, I won't have a job…_

She felt the contents of her stomach lurch and she ran to the bathroom. Brass watched from a distance. She sat there for awhile trying to collect herself. She was grateful that the bathroom was empty at the moment. It gave her time to fall apart.

_I'm so stupid…_

_This is so stupid…_

_What have I done…_

_This is so stupid…_

_What have I done…_

She heard footsteps and immediately she collected herself slipping into a stall so that she could swipe at her eyes with her sleeve and then take deep soothing breaths. She smelled the aroma of cleaning solution and felt the nausea return. She held her stomach as if willing it to remain calm as she left the stall, splashing water on her face and then stepping out of the bathroom.

She ran into him the moment she left. Her hands flew to her abdomen as she braced for the impact. Brass stood there and took inventory of her condition before speaking.

"Outside, right now," he said as he grabbed her by the arm leading her out.

He waited until they were alone and then said, "Out with it. I've watched you for two days…what's the matter?"

"I've made a mess of my life," she said swiping at her eyes.

"Define mess," he said.

"I gave up my apartment…I didn't sign the lease and now my old boss told me the position I've been waiting on has been scrapped for twelve months."

Brass smiled. "Get your old job back."

"No."

"Sara, he hasn't been able to find anyone. He'll take you back."

"No."

"Stop being as pigheaded as him. Unless you've been extremely frugal with your money, you're not going to have a choice soon. You're going to find yourself homeless and jobless."

_And pregnant…._

She closed her eyes and fought back the tears.

"I'll talk with him…this evening," she said.

His smile now turned to concern, "Good. When do you have to get out of your apartment?"

"That's my problem. I'll take care of it."

"If you need anything…"

He watched as she went back inside.

"She's keeping something," he said out loud. "What the hell has Grissom done now?"

She tried several times to find him alone but she could not find the chance and she felt the anxiety building. She closed her eyes and fought off the nausea when she heard Sofia's voice behind her.

"Less than a week and it's San Francisco again," she said.

Sara did not respond.

"Don't tell me you were just faking it like last time…the six month leave of absence…thinking he would fall apart while you were gone…thinking he would realize he wanted you. Sara, if he hasn't needed you in over five years, what makes you think he'll suddenly change his mind?"

She didn't answer but found herself wishing she could change places with the deceased person under the sheet at that moment. She finished the shift and found herself sitting in the locker room.

"Told him yet?" asked Brass.

"Tried…believe me I tried but I…"

"He's alone in his office now," said Brass pulling her up off the bench. She stood there and stared at him.

"Do you have any other options?" he asked.

_Please say no…_

_Please say no…_

"No."

"Just get it over with and be done with it," he said.

She nodded. She took a deep breath and headed toward the one door she could find blindfolded.

She tapped at the door and waited. She started to turn when he called her in.

"I uh need to talk with you," she said.

He motioned her to sit down.

"Look, I'm going to be up front about this. The position in San Francisco has been put on hold for twelve months…I need a job," she said in one breath and felt lightheaded once she finished, releasing the air she held without knowing.

He was silent for a moment.

"What guarantee do I have that you're not going to get mad in a couple of months…"

"I need the job. It wasn't easy for me to come in here…if I had anything else…"

"Swing is shorthanded and we're probably going to have to help them out…you may be working doubles a lot…you would be considered the lowest man on the shift…Greg now having seniority over you…"

"Fine," she said quietly. "That's fair."

"I'll take care of it," he said as he watched her get up and leave. He pulled out the resignation in his desk and ripped it up.

_Never gave it to personnel…_

_Never wanted to admit you would leave…_

_You didn't…_

_Or were you planning to leave at all?_

_Was this another ultimatum?_

He sighed. He didn't care. He just knew he would sleep better that night.

She slept little. She stored the remaining contents of her apartment and continued with her search for an apartment. She found herself growing more and more tired with each shift. She had stayed in a motel a few times and welcomed the doubles sleeping on the couch between shifts when she could. No one seemed to mind especially when most did not bother to come into the break room that late. The nausea had arrived with a vengeance and she tried to hide it as much as possible.

The rain had arrived that evening and with it a traffic accident causing the death of three pedestrians. She was soaked through and through as she finished up the case and welcomed the hot shower once she returned to the lab. She was hungry but too tired to go out and get something and too fearful she would not be able to keep down anything. She curled up on the couch and slept.

Grissom stood there watching her. He checked her time sheet and cursed.

_She's doing this on purpose…_

_She's working double after double…_

_She could have pointed out her timesheet to me…_

_I would have changed it…_

_Just pushing herself…_

_Until she drops…_

She pulled the jacket up over her shoulders as she shivered and then jumped when she saw him standing there.

"Go home!" he demanded.

"I uhm…sorry I was tired and…"

"You're not on shift…go home or be written up," he said with arms folded.

"I'll go," she said softly trying to pull herself up. She felt her stomach twist and she was fearful she would throw up. She eased herself up slowly.

He stared at her.

"Griss, I just need a minute and then I'll get up."

"Are you sick?"

"I'm just tired…I'm sorry it's been a hard week," she said.

He glanced at her and then left.

She pulled herself up and looked at her watch.

_I have to be back in three hours…_

_I'm not going to pay for a room for three hours…_

_I'm not going…_

_I'm going to be sick…_

She headed to the restroom. It had not been this persistent before and she felt a wave of dizziness over take her.

_This is different…_

_This is …_

_I'm scared…_

She picked up her phone and dialed.

"Jim…I need you," she said.

She sat there on the bed while he rummaged through his kitchen. He returned with a sandwich along with a drink.

"When was the last time you've eaten?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I lost track of time."

"You're run down," he said. "You need a good sleep."

She half laughed at the gesture.

"Any luck on apartment hunting?"

She didn't reply.

"Look, ever since you came here, I've kind of gotten to know you…pretty well I think. I consider you family…even though you would never admit it…and neither would I. So, I'm going to treat you like…a daughter…hopefully better than I did my own. So here goes. You're keeping your ass here. You need to rest and sleep. You look awful….I'm not the only one who's noticed."

She looked at him.

"No arguments."

"Jim…I uhm…"

"You can tell me about the pregnancy when you're ready," he said. "It won't change my decision. I won't ask any questions except to know if you're taking care of yourself because right now you're doing a rotten job of it."

It made her cry. He stood there and watched as she burst into tears followed by racking sobs until he was sitting there holding her and wishing he had better tact.

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's true. I haven't been taking care of myself. I've been too busy working….that's all I've done…working doubles…It helped me get through this mess I've created. First, I find out I'm pregnant and I tell myself it's okay cause I'll be leaving here and then I don't get the job, then I lose my apartment and then I have to grovel with Grissom to get my job back…then there's the whispers that I never had a job lined up but I was only trying to…"

She jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

He waited until she returned making sure she was tucked back in before taking her hand.

"Let me tell you a few things. Ignore the gossip mongers. It's none of their business. You're going to have to tell Grissom. He'll need to be careful with your assignments. Sara, it's better to tell him now."

She nodded.

_It doesn't matter…_

_He hates me anyway…_

_I certainly don't expect anything out of him…_

The memory of their lovemaking and then the utterance of Sofia's name caused her to rush back to the bathroom.

"I need to tell you a few more things," he said.

She nodded.

"Grissom is not dating Sofia."

"I don't care."

_He's not?_

_He went out of town with her…_

_They go on dates…_

_He's had dinner with her…_

_He called out her name when he was…_

_It wasn't love…it was sex…_

_Our baby was conceived out of sex…_

_Not love…_

She swiped at her tears once more.

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do. Sofia was offered a job with law enforcement and Grissom has been trying to get her to stay. She's been playing this out for weeks and now he's sick of it and has told her to transfer to law enforcement. I know because she's going to be working with me."

"Lucky you," she blurted out and he grinned.

"I don't much care for her either."

"None of this matters."

"Have you told the father?"

"No. It was just sex."

_To him anyway…_

"I see."

_Bullshit…_

Note from author:

Don't you just love Brass- he's one of my favorite characters…acts so gruff but nothing but a big softy. Okay, be nice and leave a review. In this story I have intentionally made the chapters much longer so you should be much happier. Right? Now, let me say that chapter seven may have tomatoes flying my way but believe me, I am going to take very good care of GSR- I always do. I won't say anything further until you've gotten the chapter and then we can chat more. This is just a heads up…please hang in there…I've always been good to GSR.

Take care!

Penny


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

He was already irritated the moment he saw her tap on his door. She had called in sick the next day and he hadn't bothered to find out the reason but now she stood in front of him and he knew she would not bother coming unless there was a problem.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Good."

He stared at her. She seemed different. He couldn't seem to place his finger on it but she was different.

"Grissom, I thought you would need this for my personnel file…for later when…" she didn't finish but handed him the pregnancy statement.

He face grew ashen.

He stared at it.

_This can't be…_

_She's pregnant…_

_She's slept with someone…_

_She's made love to someone.._

_She's just trappled on my heart…_

His eyes grew dark and she suddenly seemed afraid.

"I know it will mean that I will need some time off eventually but since I'm only…"

"This doesn't entitle you to special treatment," he said.

"I wasn't expecting any," she said quickly.

"Catherine can tell you the department expects you to perform your job throughout the entire pregnancy. There won't be…"

"I didn't ask for any!" she shot back.

"I'm sure Hank is happy…"

_Hank?_

_He thinks I slept with Hank?_

_He doesn't even think he could be the father?_

_Of course not…._

_I sleep around…_

_I…_

She did not reply.

"I'll turn this in," he said as he watched her leave quickly.

She grabbed her assignment and rushed out the door. He felt his resolve give way the moment she left.

_I was too late…_

_How could she?_

He cursed.

_I wish she had left…_

_I wish I had not given her job back…_

_I wish__I hadn't been so stupid…_

_I wish I was the father…_

_But then I would have had to make love to her…_

_Only in my dreams…_

_Only in my dreams…_

She finished her assignment and didn't complain when she was handed another assignment which led into a double shift. She ignored the nausea and nibbled on some crackers she kept in her pocket. He avoided her, assigning her to work with the others to avoid having any contact with her.

_Probably doesn't want to admit he's…._

_Of course he probably thought I was Sofia…_

_Probably doesn't even remember…_

_I don't care…_

_I don't care.._

_Why does it hurt so much…_

He waited for her when she returned to the lab and she knew there was a lecture to follow. He escorted her to the break room and sat her down placing a bag in front of her.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Brass.

"Trying to keep my job," she said as she pulled out the sandwich and began to eat.

"You told him, right?"

"Yes. He said there would be no special treatment…I didn't ask for any…I don't want any," she yawned.

"He said no special treatment?"

She nodded.

"You're pregnant."

"Look, I can do my job. I just need some time to rest. I'm not going to slack on the job…"

He interrupted her. "Sara, I've never known you to slack on anything...I'll talk with him…."

"No! This is my problem."

"You're tired. You can't push yourself Sara. Your body is trying to adjust to being pregnant. You're risking the baby's health as well as your own."

She stiffened.

He recognized the look and wished he had not said anything here.

"We'll talk at home. Okay?" he said. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

"Thanks, Jim. I would really just like to go home and sleep," she said as she finished the food before getting up.

She slept until an hour before shift. Brass checked on her before leaving himself. It was Grissom's phone call that woke her. She grabbed her phone.

"Sidle" she said sleepily.

"Why aren't you in here?" asked Grissom.

Sara quickly glanced at her watch. "I'm not late. I'll be there. Is there a problem?"

"We need to review the time line progression you completed once more. The Sheriff has had another murder. He seems to think it's the guy you let go."

"But you looked over it…Grissom I did everything you told me…"

She dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom. He could hear her as she threw up. He cringed remembering the feeling when he had the flu.

She returned shortly, picking up the phone. "I'm sorry Grissom. I'll be in. I won't be late."

He heard the click.

She arrived on time rushing into the conference room just as the others were sitting down to go over assignments. Nick glanced at her and pulled up a chair beside him. As she sat down, he leaned over and whispered, "We need to talk."

She looked at him and she could see the concern written on his face. She pulled out her notepad and tried to focus on the paper before her. It was Greg's staring that finally made her look up.

"What?" she said agitated.

"You look awful," he said.

"Thanks Greg," she said.

She sat up a little straighter and tried to seem less tired. It made her tired. She decided to save her energy for work.

"No, really Sara are you sick?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said. She felt her stomach flip when she saw him approaching and her eyes shot back to the pad in front of her.

Grissom came in and began to go through the list of cases. He avoided looking in her direction but kept his eyes focused on the list.

"We're going to have to do some rearranging from time to time since Sara will not be able to work on some cases. She can make it up by sorting through evidence. Everyone will still be carrying the same amount of work."

"Sara?" asked Nick.

Sara felt her stomach churn. She was not prepared to be placed in this position so quickly. She felt their eyes on her.

"You are sick," said Greg.

She looked at Grissom and he saw the pain in her eyes. He did not know the others had not been told. He assumed she had already told them before coming to him.

"I'm not sick, Greg. I'm pregnant." She said softly. "I'm sorry this has to affect all of you. I don't intend to make any of you do more than…"

"I don't mind," said Nick quickly. "Any time you need my help just let me know," Nick then turned toward Grissom. "I don't mind Grissom."

"Me either," said Warrick.

Greg stared at her and said nothing.

Her eyes returned to her paper.

"I survived it," said Catherine. "The first couple of months were a bitch with the morning sickness but you'll be fine. Just don't overdo it….The guys helped cover for me with the doubles…remember Grissom? If it wasn't for Grissom helping, I'm not sure I would have gotten through it," said Catherine.

He did not reply although he felt his cheeks burn. His eyes remained fixed on the assignments just as Sara's remained on her pad. She felt her eyes water but refused to let her emotions take over.

They each walked out slowly stealing glances at one another. Sara was the first to head toward the door but she was called back by Grissom. She closed her eyes and willed herself to face him.

He waited until the others had left before speaking.

"Sara, about the assignments…."

"I'm not complaining…I understand…I expect no special treatment. I don't want any…I don't want anything from you," she blurted out before she could stop herself.

"Okay." He felt his jaw twitch as he continued, " I thought you had already told everyone since you brought me the medical statement."

"It's not something I'm proud of. I guess its best that it's out now," she said as she turned to leave but then stopped. "The time line progression…"

"I went through it again. Sara, your photos match the recorded documentation. I didn't see anything wrong."

She sighed. "Good. I can look over it or call the sheriff…"

"I'll handle the sheriff."

"It was my case…I can call him."

"I said I'll handle it," he said, a sense if irritability creeping into his voice.

"Look, I've talked with him before. He's just going to have to find another suspect. I'll…"

"I said I'll handle it!" he finally yelled.

It shocked her. Tears sprang forth.

His jaw twitched again and she knew she had really made him mad this time.

She stepped back.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean anything by it. It's just that you seemed a bit concerned about the case earlier when you talked with the sheriff…that's the reason you called me before work and told me we had to go over it so I just assumed we…"

"Sara!"

"Stop yelling at me…I overtalk when you yell at me…I'm just trying to do my job…I'm just…"

She clamped her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes.

She turned to leave but he stopped her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," she managed to get out trying to control the nausea that threatened to erupt.

He stared at her and now saw what Greg had seen. She was pale, thin and frail. The dark circles were much worse and he felt like an ass for not monitoring her overtime.

_I told her no special treatment…_

_I told her that…_

_That's bullshit…_

_I was only trying to hurt her…_

_I did that…_

He watched as she hurried out the door and headed straight for the bathroom. He pretended to need something in the lab as he hung around the bathroom waiting for her to come out. She emerged several minutes later and he watched as she hurried to her desk to get back to work. He reviewed her caseload listing and swore.

_How did I let this happen…_

_She's carrying more cases than anyone…_

_She pregnant and working more than any one on graveyard…_

_I'm such an ass…_

Note from author:

Yes, Grissom but I know you're going to make up for it later….Please leave a review. I have enjoyed reading everyone. While I can't respond to them all, I do read them! Thanks! I am currently trying to finish the other story and tear myself away to finish the epilogue…I so procrastinate on those things…

Take care!

Penny


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

She finished her case that evening and was glad to be able to go back through and bring her other cases up to date. The rumor mill was now running rampant and the pregnancy news spread like wildfire. She immediately noticed the stares and she refused to make eye contact with the gossip mongers as they spoke in hushed tones.

"Sara?"

She turned to face Greg.

"Yeah? You need something?"

"Yes…I do," he said as he pulled her into a hug and then whispered. "Count me in too. I'll cover for you whenever you need me."

She felt her resolve give way and she hated it because she saw him standing there at a distance.

"Thanks Greg, you're making me cry….so let's try not to do this right now…once I start I can't seem to stop," she whispered back.

"Dinner on me?" he asked.

She smiled and hurried down the hall.

They met at the diner that evening. Warrick and Nick came as well as Catherine. Greg sat next to Sara as she forced herself to eat.

"Morning sickness is bad, isn't it?" asked Catherine.

"Yes."

"Getting enough sleep?' asked Nick, "Remember I have sisters…I know a lot about pregnancies."

"I slept for ten hours yesterday. I don't think I've slept that long in years," she said as she sipped on the tea.

"Lots of crackers and ginger ale," said Catherine. "Grissom used to carry them around in the vehicle for me. He did more for me than Eddie. I think he felt sorry for me because Eddie was such a jerk even when I was pregnant."

Catherine stared at Sara, "Men can be that way."

"Okay, I'm going to just get down to the main reason we brought you over here. Have you told the father? Is he going to help? Sara, you're going to need help," said Nick.

She suddenly felt awkward. "He knows. I don't need his help. I can do this on my own," she stammered out.

"Look, you've always been the independent type but if you ever need me for anything, you just call any time," said Nick.

"Count me in," said Warrick and the others chimed in also.

"I meant what I said. I don't expect any of you to do my work," she said.

"Sara, you can't push yourself. It's not the same anymore. Grissom is not going to…" began Catherine.

"I didn't ask for special treatment. I don't want it…I appreciate this really I do but…"

She was jumping up now and running to the bathroom.

Catherine watched her go. "She's in denial. I mean I struggled and I had family. Sara doesn't have anyone."

"Yes she does. She has us," said Nick.

"Has she said anything to you about….you know who the father is?" asked Catherine.

"We all know who that is," said Nick.

He looked at Warrick. "Hank."

Catherine cursed, "Doesn't sound like he's going to do anything…bastard…if any of you guys ever end up in this situation…"

"I don't think we're that kind of guy," said Nick. "My momma raised me better than that."

Warrick and Greg nodded.

"Good cause if I ever caught wind of it…I would…" Catherine stopped as she saw Sara return.

She slid back into the seat.

"Okay?" asked Nick.

She nodded.

They groaned when their beepers went off. Sara stared at hers. "Something must be wrong with mine. It didn't go off."

She rode with Nick to the sight. She poured over what little details they had received.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"If you want me to beat up Hank, I will."

She smiled. "That's not necessary."

She then realized he thought that Hank was the father.

"Nick…" she was interrupted by his phone. She pulled out some crackers and munched on some as she tried not to listen in.

They arrived on the scene and Sara began processing a room. "Looks like we're going to be here for hours," she said.

"Must have been some party," said Warrick.

"And we always get invited when it's over," called Greg.

Nick chuckled.

Brass showed up talking with Grissom.

"So, you're going to talk with Lady Heather?"

"Yes."

"You know she's nothing but trouble."

"Yes, but she's an exciting sort of trouble," grinned Grissom.

"I'll remind you how gullible you were when you get burned," said Brass. "I would be careful with her."

"Going to be a long shift," said Grissom as he glanced around the room.

He immediately noticed Sara working in the other room. He came and stood in front of her.

"I didn't assign you to this case," he said.

"I thought my battery had gone dead in the beeper…everyone was called…we were at the diner," she said as she wiped her forehead.

"You don't need to be here."

She looked around. "There's no reason. I uh.."

He turned and glared at her. "I make the assignments."

His attitude infuriated her. "I'm staying. I can work. There is no reason why I can't help out."

"You don't pick and choose your assignments…."

"I'm not! I'm not going to make the others work later because I'm back at the lab. There's going to be other cases that I can't…this isn't one of them," she said as she returned to her knees collecting the evidence.

_I can do my job…_

_I'm not slacking…_

_I'm not choosing assignments…_

_You are…_

_You're trying to make it worse…_

_This is worse…_

_I wish I had another job…_

He glared at her but then left.

_Didn't come out the way I wanted…._

_All I can think about is the anger…_

_All I can think about is her with someone else…_

Brass watched from a distance.

_These two are going to give me an ulcer…_

_He's like a bull in a china shop…_

_She's like fine china in a bull ring…_

Grissom walked through the house. He fumed over his encounter with Sara. He stood in the hallway and listened as she received a phone call.

"Hey" she said to Brass.

"Just checking on you kiddo, are you okay. I heard the conversation with Grissom."

"I uhm…tired but I'm okay. You don't have to check up on me. It was sweet of you to let me sleep in…but don't let me do that again. I uhm…didn't mean to be so moody last night," she said.

"Pregnant ladies have a right to be…don't just get carried away with it. Can I pick up dinner tonight?" asked Brass as he stood outside the house.

"Dinner would be good. I'll try to have better conversation than last time…I didn't mean to fall asleep on you although the fact that you put me to bed was sweet," she said as she smiled.

Grissom cursed under this breath.

_She must be living with the father…._

_She's playing house…_

_Good for her…_

_Hope he's worth it…_

Grissom left the scene and headed to Heather's. Brass had not been excited with the idea of grilling Heather for information but he knew there was no other person with as much about the field of dominatrix than Heather. He had met her before on another case and he was intrigued with her intellect. Her profession had made him curious and he found himself wanting to know more. Now as they had a case in which a dominatrix had been murdered he went to her as an expert on the subject. He knocked as he waited for her to open the door. He was taken aback by her beauty as she stood there in a long black flowing gown.

"Mr. Grissom, do I need to ask you if you've come with a warrant?" asked Heather.

"Not unless you've done something. I came for information…advice," he said with a grin.

She returned the grin.

The conversation lasted for hours as Heather discussed the relationship of a submissive versus a dominatrix. He found himself at ease for the first time in weeks. He stood to leave and he felt a bit awkward when she came to stand directly in front of him.

"Is that all you came for? Information?" she whispered up to his ear.

"My hearing is fine. Surgery corrected the problem," he said.

"I suspected as much since you were no longer staring at my lips," she said with a smile.

He turned to go when she slipped her hand into his.

"You could stay," she offered.

_I could stay…_

_She's a friend…_

_She could be more…_

_I wanted Sara to be more…_

He had been tempted before but he had withdrawn because she had been the prime suspect. His inner voice had also told him that he could no sooner have a relationship with anyone except Sara.

_Sara…_

_She's living with someone…_

_Pregnant with someone else…_

_She obviously doesn't care for me…_

_I was just an infatuation…_

_Just like I always thought…_

He grabbed her taking her into his arms as his lips covered hers and he accepted her advances. Caution was ignored as he found himself being led upstairs. Even as she undressed him, he told himself to leave but then the memory of Sara's conversation floated around in his head and his jealousy rose. He had not been the type to sleep with just anyone. It had often left him empty but tonight he needed release and here Heather stood now fully nude as he took her into his arms and followed her onto the bed as his hands roamed over her body. He didn't bother with foreplay and she did not seem interested as he entered her quickly and forced his brain to focus on the task as he felt his release.

_She should have waited…_

_I would have given in…_

_Hell, she waited five years…_

_I pushed her away over and over…_

"I love you. I think I've loved you forever." The words emerged from his subconscious. It was her voice. He had often dreamed of making love to Sara but she had never whispered those words to him. It puzzled him as he lay there now beside Heather.

Heather rolled over to face him, "Who's Sara?" she asked.

Note from author:

Okay, I have seen the episodes to CSI a million times and I am now convinced Grissom did sleep with Heather once…so here it is…once so please do not be so upset…you know Grissom and his "sex without love is sad…" Don't worry I will keep GSR safe and secure just go with me on this one. Take care! Penny


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

"Sara?"

"Yes, it's the name you called out when you were…"

He pushed himself up. "Heather…"

"Relax. Any other woman would have been upset…perhaps even jealous. I don't bother with those emotions. It is the act itself that I desire and I find no fault in your performance," she said.

It jolted him to his senses.

_This was a mistake…_

_A huge mistake…_

_Sex without love…_

_How could I have been so stupid…_

He dressed quickly and made his apologies as he left.

"When you need release…you're welcome to come back," she said as she shut the door behind him.

He wiped off the mirror with the towel and stared at his reflection. He had showered until the water had turned to ice and yet he could not erase what he had done. It had been years since he had felt guilt for sinful pleasure and he had forgotten the sickening feeling.

He found himself in the kitchen looking through the cabinets until he came across the bottle. It had been left by Brass months ago and it sat there taking up space until tonight. Tonight, he intended to put it to good use.

He poured the amber liquid in a glass with ice and downed it. It burned and yet he enjoyed how it felt in his system. He poured himself another glass and then another. He remembered the first time he had tasted from this bottle. Brass had come to check on him fearful of his anger when he had found out about Hank and Sara. He had acted professional about it.

_I told her it was okay to get a life…._

_She deserved it…_

_But then I called her in on her day off…_

_The rumor mill said she was going off to some romantic place with him…_

_I couldn't have that…_

He had sat and drank quietly with Brass until the third sip and he was blubbering how she had already found someone else without any regard to his feelings. Brass had politely told him to get off his ass and do something. He had chosen to work more closely with her teaching her what he had not bothered to teach anyone else and now she was as good as he was. Now there was nothing to be taught. The teacher had lost the student. Now, he was just like any other person in the lab. He drank the last in his glass. He stared at the bottle and then put it back into the cabinet. Grissom picked up the glass and threw it across the room as it shattered into tiny pieces.

She had retired early. Brass had fixed dinner and they had spent the next several hours talking. She had kept her promise she would not fall asleep but she felt her eyes beginning to droop as they picked up in the kitchen.

"Go to bed. I'll finish in here," he said.

"Jim, I can't thank you enough for everything," she said as she leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek.

It made him blush.

"I have to tell you something," she said. "I'm still looking for an apartment and I think I may have located one…"

"Why move out?" he asked quickly.

"I know you've been on your own for years…I'm trying not to…"

"I've always been lonely too. Listen, this is nice. I'm being selfish here. If you want to move out cause you can't stand living with an old man then that's fine…but I would like for you to stay."

"Jim, it's not just me. I have to think about the baby…"

"I have an extra room you can turn into a nursery…I'm pretty good at changing a diaper," he said.

She swiped at her eyes. "I've never changed one. I know very little about babies…my mom certainly wasn't a very good role model."

"Sara, you're going to be a good mom. Stay…think about staying. I won't push," he said.

She stared at him. "If I stay, I insist on paying rent and splitting the utilities…"

"See, more to spend with the guys," he teased.

She kissed him once more and then headed to bed.

Brass sat there in the chair with the drink in his hand. He was surprised when he heard the knock on the door. He opened it and found Grissom standing there.

"You look like shit," said Brass.

Grissom stepped in. "You were right."

"What the hell did you do?"

"I should have taken your advice."

"What advice is that? I give so much and you take so little."

He looked at the drink in Brass's hand. His stomach lurched.

"You went to Heather's didn't you," said Brass.

"Yes, I did."

"What did you do?"

"I slept with her," said Grissom.

Brass stared past Grissom at Sara who stood at the top of the stairs.

"I had sex with Heather," clarified Grissom who noticed Brass's attention was now on the stairs. He turned and saw Sara standing there. Blue eyes stared at brown and even from the distance he saw the instant pain. They watched her leave followed by the shutting of a door.

"What? What is she doing here?" asked Grissom.

"Sit down. We need to talk about some things," said Brass as he glanced upstairs once more.

Grissom sat on the couch.

"We've been friends for years, haven't we?" asked Brass.

"Yes."

"That's about to change if I ever catch you being shitty to Sara again."

He stared at Brass in disbelief.

"You and Sara…"

"If you finish that statement, I'm going to kick your ass," said Brass as he took a drink.

Grissom sat back and sighed. "Okay, I'm missing something. Care to fill me in?"

"When Sara quit, she gave up her lease thinking she would be leaving for San Francisco only the job fell through and then she couldn't get her apartment back. She found herself without a place to stay."

"When? When did this happen?" asked Grissom.

Brass recalled the night Sara phoned him from the office. Grissom cursed.

_I yelled at her and told her to go home…_

_She didn't have a home…_

_She couldn't…._

_I'm an ass…_

"But I heard her on the phone this evening with the father of the child…they were planning on having dinner…"

"You really are clueless aren't you? That was me. Some CSI you are. I've been keeping an eye on her. She's under a lot of stress. She's trying to make sure she eats regularly but you know with this job, sometimes its hours before we can sit down and eat anything. Sara can't do that. She suffers from severe morning sickness and anemia."

"Anemia?"

"She practically falls into the bed the moment she hits the door and she doesn't wake until…sometimes I have to wake her. You know, your yelling hasn't helped. And what the hell is this no special treatment bullshit you fed her. You know damn well we covered for Catherine. Sara hasn't had any of that."

Grissom felt like shit.

"You're right. I was angry that she was pregnant…that she had been with someone."

"So, you're not the father either?" asked Brass.

"No."

"It's not Hank."

Grissom looked surprised. "She hasn't mentioned someone else?"

"All that I've managed to get out of her is that it was sex…nothing more."

_No wonder she feels the way she does…_

_Sex without love is sad…_

_I've treated her like shit…_

_She won't even let me help her now…_

_She'll insist on no special treatment…_

"What can I do?"

"She doesn't want help from anyone. Despite your cruelty, she really doesn't want special treatment. She won't say it but I know the gossip mongers bother her. A young woman who's had a thing for the boss foryears suddenly becomes pregnant…everyone is wondering who the father is…it didn't help that they were already having a field day with her resignation and then she had to ask for her job back."

"She did it because of the baby."

"Yes. She would have gladly been homeless and jobless but she couldn't afford to be without medical insurance…she's scared to death about whether she's going to be a decent mother. It doesn't help that she cries herself to sleep."

"She does?"

"I know. I hear her. I've tried to get her to talk with me but you know Sara. She's very private. Hell, I had to slip around and follow her to find out about her living arrangement. The pregnancy took me by surprise but I knew she would never have crawled back to you unless it was something major. Hell, I was afraid she was seriously ill or something but then I noticed her symptoms."

_I didn't…_

_I never bothered to notice her…_

_Hell she took care of me when I was sick…_

_And it was Brass and Nick who cared for her while I chased Sofia's stupid idea for expanding the lab…_

"Jim, I've treated her like shit…she deserves better."

"I'll drink to that," said Brass.

"I slept with Heather because I thought she was involved with someone."

"You're an ass. Sara doesn't have time to be with anyone. It's work and sleep, unless the sickness decides to rear its ugly head."

"I'll talk with her."

"No, you won't. She'll pack her stuff and leave."

"What can I do?"

"Stop being an ass."

He grinned. "I can do that."

Brass tapped on her door and went in without waiting for an invite.

"I know you're awake. I've been listening," he said.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine now."

"Bullshit. This is me and not one of the guys," he said as he came and sat down on the edge of the bed.

He caressed her hair feeling its softness.

"My daughter's hair is soft like yours. When she was little, I used to come home and check on her. I would sit for an hour just doing this. It was nice. It's nice to do it again. Sara, I know you heard what Grissom said."

"I don't care," she sobbed into the pillow.

"Yes, you do," he said. "You love him. It had to hurt."

"He always hurts me. I wish I had never come here. I wish I had stayed in San Francisco."

"But you didn't and you're here and you're pregnant with…his child."

Her eyes widened.

"He's clueless. He doesn't remember. If he did Sara he would be up here banging on this door demanding…"

"He has no rights. It's mine. He doesn't even love me…He never did. He was sick and I was worried. I just wanted to take care of him but then he…I thought it was what he wanted…I thought I had finally gotten through to him but…then he….Promise me you won't tell him! Please Jim. Promise me…It was a mistake. He wouldn't want it…he would feel trapped and think that I did it on purpose. God, why did the job have to fall through? I would be in San Francisco now," she was sobbing.

He pulled her close and berated himself. "I promise. I won't tell him."

_Grissom had better be a better CSI…_

Grissom arrived early scoping out the new assignments and smiled when he saw the written request. His phone was already ringing.

"Grissom"

"Is this a joke?" asked Brass.

"If it is, I'm not sure I know it," replied Grissom.

"Did you do this?"

"I'm not sure I follow."

"I saw the request for you and Sara to go back…"

"It wasn't my idea but you have to admit, the timing…"

"Sucks! Look…"

"I'll watch after her. I won't let anything…"

"Like you've done the last several weeks?"

"I won't make the same mistakes."

"You better not. Gil, don't.."

"I won't hurt her."

He clicked off the phone. He glanced at his watch and was disappointed when she did not show up early. He had slept little, forcing himself to dwell on what Brass had told him.

_She's slept with someone…._

_I've slept with someone…_

_Both mistakes…_

_We need to work through this…_

He then thought of the pregnancy.

_I wonder if she wants it…_

_Of course she wants it…_

_Doesn't she?_

He wondered if she had felt anything for the person and it bothered him to think that she would sleep with someone just for sex.

_I did …_

_I did it out of revenge…_

_Maybe she did because of Sofia…_

_Only she got pregnant…_

_Wasn't she being careful?_

_I mean I used a condom with Heather…_

_Perhaps she thought he would…_

_Bastard…_

He watched as she walked down the hall taking in her features. His shoulders slumped when he noticed she looked worse today than she did yesterday.

_My fault…_

_Me and my big mouth…_

_I just had to announce that I slept with Heather…_

_It must have hurt her…_

_Wait.._

_If it hurt her then that means she still has feelings for me…_

He felt hopeful until their eyes met. She stared at him with cold eyes. He turned and focused on the others sitting at the table. Assignments were handed out. He then stared at her.

"Sara and I have to go back to the Bates Motel," announced Grissom.

Note from author:

I can just imagine what is running through Sara's mind…I've posted both chapters because I knew you would be upset about Heather…don't be. I've seen the CSI episodes a thousand times and I am now convinced that Grissom did sleep with Heather but it was for all the wrong reasons…so I wrote it that way here as well. Don't hate me! There was a reason….

Take care!

Penny


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

He tried to ignore her reaction as she covered her mouth causing the others to move back.

"They've had another murder and the DA wants us to go back and determine if it was perhaps the same killer."

"I'll go," said Nick.

"Sorry Nicky but since Sara and I worked on the case then…"

"You were sick…I can go with Sara," offered Nick again.

Grissom's jaw twitched. "That's okay. The DA wants the two of us. This case is too high profile…the less workers on it the better. Sara, we'll need to leave this evening."

She found herself rushing out of the room.

"Griss, I don't think Sara is…"

"Nicky, I'll take good care of her," he said. "I promise."

He stood outside the bathroom and waited for her to come out. She felt the bile rising again once she stood face to face with him.

"Better?"

"No."

"Good cause we have to leave."

He drove this time. They were off to a later start since he had to swing by and let her pack. She sat there avoiding his eyes.

"This is going to be a long trip. Perhaps we could go through the details of the latest vic," said Grissom.

She pulled out the report and read off the details. Questions were asked and answered. Comparisons were considered.

"Sounds similar," he said. "They're keeping the body at the local doctor's office until we can examine it before shipping it to the lab," said Grissom glancing at her. He noticed how she closed her eyes and she gripped the edge of the seat.

"Getting sick?" he asked.

She nodded.

He pulled over and she jumped out immediately. He came around to stand beside her and tried to touch her but she pulled away.

"Don't!"

"I was just trying to help."

"I'm fine," she gasped as she leaned back against the Denali.

He left for a moment and returned with some water and handed it to her. She drank some. He walked to the front of the vehicle but was immediately back when he saw her slump to the ground. He wanted to reach out to her as he watched her vomit once more. He cringed when he saw it was nothing more than dry heaves.

"Oh honey, you really do have it bad," he said as he pulled her up even though she protested.

She stepped away and then rinsed her mouth before returning to the vehicle. They resumed their trip. He pulled out a package of crackers and handed them to her.

"I sent out a memo telling everyone to stock their vehicles with crackers and ale," he said with a grin. She did not return the grin but took them.

"Thanks," she said quietly. She munched on a few and then closed her eyes. She was asleep within minutes.

He smiled as he reached over and closed the crackers. Her hand lay there on the seat and he gently reached over and started to touch it but stopped himself.

They arrived late at night. It was too late to examine the body and they found themselves once again at the Bates Motel. Grissom returned and looked at her.

"We must not have any luck with this place. One room again…two beds," he said. She opened her door and rushed out vomiting.

She stood there in front of the entrance and stared at the door.

_Same freaking room…_

_This is a joke right?_

_Some sick cruel joke…_

_I must have done something wicked and cruel and evil to deserve this…_

"Sara"

"It's the same room," she blurted out.

"I hadn't noticed" said Grissom.

_You never notice anything important…_

They unpacked and he sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she placed her things on the far side of the room and then disappeared into the bathroom. She returned wearing the same sweats as before. She stopped and gawked at herself.

"It's hell all over," she whispered.

"Hell?" he inquired.

"I'm going to sleep," she announced.

"You can't," he said.

She sighed. "We went over the report. I've been over the…"

"Sara, you have to eat."

She stared at him.

_First kind thing you've said…_

She turned away and then began putting on her shoes.

"Look, I'll go out and get something. Be back in a few minutes," he said as he opened the door and then left.

She stared at the bed.

_Our child was conceived in that bed…_

_I made love to him…_

_He had sex with me…_

_Sex without love is sad…_

"I will not cry," she announced. She pulled down the covers to her bed and crawled in beneath the covers. She was asleep in minutes. He returned and stared at her as she slept. He took the opportunity to look at her medication that sat on the bedside table. He looked at the food and hated to wake her but knew the food would get cold.

He nudged her gently. "Sara, you need to wake up and eat."

She pulled herself up out of the bed and yawned. He handed her the food not letting her get up. She sat there and ate quietly as he sat at the table and reviewed the report once more while he ate.

"Diner seems a bit nostalgic," he said glancing at her.

"At least the food is good," she said.

_She speaks…_

_She eats…_

_She…_

He stared at her robe that lay on the edge of the bed.

"Have you taken your medicine?" he asked.

_I said that to him last time…._

_Where is a murderer when you need them…_

_Just kill me in my sleep…_

_The shower scene with the knife…_

_It was quick…_

_Probably less painful than this…_

_Bates Hotel…_

She glanced at the medicine and then grabbed it, washing it down with the milk he had gotten.

"Thanks…still getting used to a routine," she said as she got up and disposed of the empty food container and then curled back into bed.

She was asleep again in minutes and he grinned as he watched how she clutched her pillow. He lay on his side and stared at her while she slept. He envied Brass in that he spent so much time with her.

He closed his eyes and soon he was asleep as well.

He heard her during the night as she lost her dinner. He lay there wanting to go to her but knew she would not want his help but when she did not return from the bathroom, he sat up and waited.

Minutes passed and he found himself now at the door tapping softly.

"Sara?"

When she did not respond, he began to panic. He tried the door and was relieved that it was not locked. He found her lying on the floor asleep. She had covered herself with a towel and a damp cloth lay on her forehead. He gently picked her up and carried her to the bed pulling back the covers and then placing her there. She whimpered a bit and grabbed a hold of his shirt forcing him down to his knees as he tried to gently break the contact without waking her. He caressed her hair with his hand and she seemed to relax.

"Thanks Jim," she whispered. "I was so cold." He pulled up the covers and started to rise when he heard her speak again. "Promise me you won't tell him. Promise me you won't tell Grissom."

He froze.

"Tell him what?" he whispered.

"Tell him..." she was asleep again.

"Sara?" he whispered gently nudging her.

"Jim?"

"Don't tell him what?"

Her eyes flew open and she scrambled to get away from him causing her head to bump against the backboard of the bed. The sudden movement brought back the nausea and she found herself covering her mouth as she fled to the bathroom once more.

_Way to go Grissom…_

_She was resting comfortably…._

_Now she's back in the bathroom…_

_With the porcelain God…_

Flashes returned from that night as he recalled her sitting with him. He felt her hand on his forehead and then he felt her lips on his.

_That didn't happen…_

_Did it?_

He didn't wait for an invitation but opened the door and saw her back on the floor.

"Sara, you can't sleep on the floor."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't. It's too damn cold. This place is drafty…there's probably bugs."

He grinned as he watched her look around. "Bugs?"

"And spiders," he added.

She lay back down, "I don't care."

"Fine…bugs and spiders are probably harmless compared to the germs."

She was trying to get up now. He pulled her up and carried her to the bed despite the protests. She shivered and ducked down in the covers. He pulled off his comforter and placed it over her and then placed the trash can beside her bed.

"I recall your aim is pretty good," he grinned as he turned and went back to bed.

They were up early as they arrived at the doctor's office and examined the body. Sara stared at the wounds.

"They're definitely similar," she said. She checked under the body and then glanced at Grissom.

"What is it?" he asked.

"The other victim had a bruise of sorts on his lower back…this one does too," she said.

"Perp could have killed this victim in the same location…body must have laid on the same surface as the other one. It has to be the same murderer," he said.

"Who found this body?" she asked.

"Body was dumped in the same locale…sheriff has been including it in his rounds...he found the body," said Grissom.

"They have a serial killer now," she said.

"Yes, they do," said Grissom.

"Has anyone checked to see if there have been any similar murders in the area?" asked Sara.

"Day shift was supposed to finish up on this case…we only did the time line progression. I think it wouldn't hurt if we checked ourselves," he said.

Sara spent the rest of the day searching for similar victims while Grissom visited the site. He returned muddy and tired.

"Find out anything?" she asked.

"Found I'm not as young as I used to be," he said as he groaned.

"Been on your knees long?" she asked.

"A couple of hours but it was worth it. I think I found something," he said as he held up the bag.

"A tooth pick?" she asked.

"The forest is full of wood… not just this tiny," he said with a grin.

She returned the grin.

It made his heart skip a beat.

"What about you?"

"There have been six other cases along this area on the map in which victims have been found that match this description."

Grissom looked at the map. "He's extending his territory."

"According to the dates of the other victims, it rules out their prime suspect once again. He was in county lock up. He couldn't have committed these other crimes."

"I guess the sheriff will have to finally concede," said Grissom.

He smiled.

"I'm taking a very long shower," he announced.

"Good, cause you need one," she said as he walked away. He grinned once more. It was good to be talking with her again.

Her neck hurt from the constant work at the laptop. She stretched and then curled up on the bed. He came out and stared at her.

"Calling it a day?" he asked.

"Is there…"

"No, Sara. We're done. I think after we meet with the sheriff this afternoon, we can head back in the morning. It will be too late tonight to start back," he said glad he would have one more night with her.

She nodded.

"Dinner?" he asked.

She declined.

He was disappointed.

He became determined.

"Look, you're coming whether you like it or not. You're still on the clock and I think it wouldn't hurt to scope out the locals and since everyone goes to the diner, I think it would be a good idea to sit and observe."

She got up and dressed. He could tell she was not pleased but she did not complain. They sat in a booth. He saw her looking around.

"What's the matter?"

"I was checking for the nearest bathroom," she said.

He chuckled, "best to be prepared."

They ordered. Sara kept her eyes on the persons in the diner as Grissom focused on her.

"I guess you could call it our first official dinner together alone."

She glared at him. "No, it's not."

He flinched.

_Okay I deserved that…_

Note from author:

Can you just see it going down hill from here? Please be kind and leave a review so I can post soon. There are thirty chapters in this story (which includes the epilogue…I didn't slack on this one!)

Take care!

Penny


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

"I wished I had taken you up on your offer all those months ago," he said quietly.

"You didn't."

"I know and I was too late."

"Too late?"

"Your ultimatum. I guess you found someone else."

"Yes, I did!" She lied.

He felt his jealousy return.

"Fine. So did I."

She felt her jealousy return.

"I guess you must have gotten tired of Sofia and moved on to Heather…I'm sorry Lady Heather."

"Okay. Let's get something straight here since we're dropping names. I never slept with Sofia. I was trying to convince her to stay in the lab but she was only using me. She wanted a relationship and I didn't….it was all professional on my part."

"You went out of town with her…"

"She had gotten this idea about expanding the lab…I went and listened to the sales pitch. I was not interested in the least. It would have sacrificed our integrity in the lab."

"You certainly know about integrity."

His eyes grew cold as if a storm was brewing.

"I slept with Heather because you were pregnant."

It was her turn. She stared at him.

"You slept with Heather because I'm pregnant?"

"Why not? You slept around…"

It was the final blow. His choice of words cut like shattered glass. Her edges were raw and bloody.

"Sara, I didn't mean…"

She was already up and out the door by the time he left money on the table. She walked back to the room ignoring the fact that he followed in the vehicle. Once she reached the hotel room, she pulled out her bag and began throwing things inside not bothering to fold anything. He opened the door and then locked it behind him. She froze.

"We're not leaving until morning."

"I'm leaving tonight if I have to walk back," she said with a glare.

"We have to meet with the sheriff." He said matter of fact.

"You meet with him!"

"It's our job. We're in this together."

_Yes we are…_

_We have a child…_

_A child that is going to be caught in the middle of this mess…_

_I've made such a mess…_

_I've made such a mess…_

"Sara?"

She did not know when he came to stand so close to her. She felt her knees buckle and she found herself grabbing for the edge of the bed as she sat down.

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly.

"I'm fine," she said as she felt the room spinning.

"You're not fine. I hate those damn words."

She pulled back the covers and lay down.

"I'll meet with the sheriff…"

"I'll be fine in an hour…just give me an hour," she said.

He sat there and watched as she slept. They had not eaten and he knew it was not good for her to miss a meal but she seemed extremely tired and so he had not argued when she crawled into bed and fell asleep. The hour passed and he knew he would need to meet with the sheriff. He slipped out of the room taking her shoes.

_Can't leave without shoes…_

_Too exhausted to go anywhere…_

His meeting lasted for over an hour as he went over every detail with the sheriff and convinced him that he was watching the wrong man. He picked up something on the way back and was surprised to find her still asleep. He changed clothes and sat in bed with a book hoping she would wake soon as the hours passed he grew concerned.

He finally nudged her awake knowing that she had gone too long without food.

"Sara?"

"Jim?"

"No, it's Grissom."

"I'm sorry. I overslept. I'll get up and we can go to the meeting…"

"Sara, I've already been. I brought you something to eat. You need to eat. I'm afraid it may not be as good. I couldn't bring myself to wake you."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Five hours."

She frowned.

"I'm sorry. You should have waked me." She started to get out of bed but he stopped her.

"Sit there. He brought her the sandwich and chips and she ate. She seemed to feel better.

He returned to his book as she returned to sleep. He was awakened in the middle of the night by her tossing and turning. She was dreaming. He rolled over to face her and listened.

"Sara?"

She was now curled up in a corner of the bed. Her pleas were barely audible but he heard her words plain and clear.

"I love you…I think I've loved you forever."

He sucked in air as he heard those words. He jumped out of bed and came to sit on the edge of hers.

"Sara?"

She was whimpering now, pulling away from some imaginary hell.

"Don't love me…never did…don't want this baby…never should have come here…"

He gently stroked her hair pushing it back away from her face.

"Sara?" he tried again.

"Please Jim…don't tell him…don't tell Grissom."

His eyes grew dark when his name was mentioned.

"Tell him what?"

"He doesn't love me…he never did…he thought he was…" she was crying now. His need to know now diminished as he pulled her into his arms.

"It's okay Sara. It's okay," he whispered.

"Please don't tell him," she sobbed.

"Sara, I'm not Jim. I'm…"

"Please don't tell him it's his."

He froze. The flashes of images fell into place and now he was cursing inwardly at his stupidity. He had slept with Heather out of jealousy over himself. He had intentionally hurt her for nothing. She was pregnant with his child. The thought struck him almost knocking him over.

_It's mine…_

_I made love to her…._

_I don't remember…_

_I put her through hell…_

_And it's mine…_

_Why didn't she tell me…_

_She wasn't going to tell me…_

_She can't keep me from my child!_

_If she thinks she can…_

_She would have left for San Francisco and I would have never known…_

"Sara? We need to talk," he said loudly.

He felt her stir.

"Sara?"

"Grissom?"

She was pulling away now as he stared at her.

"Did you have any intention of telling me it was mine?" he asked.

She pulled up her legs and hugged them tight to her.

"It's mine," she barely whispered.

"It's mine too!" he yelled.

"Don't yell at me," she said.

"It happened here. When I was sick…I wasn't thinking straight…"

Her anger grew now.

"Of course if you were thinking straight you never would have. You never made a move in five years. You never so much as kissed me…you're right it was a mistake," she yelled back at him.

"I didn't mean it like that. I didn't remember. I would have taken responsibility a lot sooner."

"Responsibility? Forget it. I don't want anything from you. I don't need your help…"

"You don't get to make the choices any more. This is my baby too. I have a right…"

"No, you don't! It was just sex to you. It wasn't anything else. Just like Heather…only you probably had feelings for her…you certainly did for Sofia."

"I'm tired of you throwing Sofia in my face. I have never…"

"You called out her name after we …" she was sobbing now. She placed her head down on her knees and tried to hide her face from him.

He sat there dumbfounded.

_I did what?_

"Sara, I don't know what you thought you heard but if I said Sofia's name, believe me it was not in a romantic gesture. I loathed the woman."

"I don't care."

"I care."

She continued to sob.

"Sara, you have to calm down. This is not good for…"

"Don't! Don't you dare act considerate! You've treated me like shit since the moment I had to tell you. I wanted to just leave. I wanted to be in San Francisco…"

"You were going to take my child and never tell me! Weren't You? Do you know how I would have felt if I had found out years from now what you did? I may have been cruel but that's selfish and spiteful. You were going to deprive this child of a father because…"

She was shaking her head now. "Stop! Please stop. Please…" she was rushing to the bathroom now. He came after her this time refusing to stay behind. He held her while she heaved. She gasped between heaves and she felt her muscles tighten causing her to double over.

"Sara, you need to relax. You're making it worse…"

"Leave….me…alone…Grissom, I'm scared…It hurts…it hurts…"

_It was just a dream…._

_A very bad dream…_

She felt something cold on her forehead and reached to find his hand holding a wet washcloth. She moaned from the intensity of the nausea.

"You need to lie still," he said softly.

She did as she was told.

"Sara, you need to tell me if you feel any cramps?"

Her eyes flew open. Frightened eyes met his. They were both scared.

"No." she said. "I …feel tired…very tired."

"Still nauseous?"

She nodded.

"Have you had any spotting?"

"No."

He sighed. "You were complaining of pain."

"Do you think…"

"Most miscarriages occur during the first trimester."

He watched as her eyes began to water.

"It doesn't mean…look we're going to have to agree not to fight. It's not good for either one of us."

She nodded.

"I'm still angry…angry as hell."

He watched as she began to inch away from him.

"I'm sure you're mad as hell too. I wouldn't blame you. I have treated you like shit."

She did not respond.

"You think you could sleep?"

She nodded.

She eased back down in the bed and closed her eyes.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want the baby?"

"Yes."

There was a moment of silence.

"I really didn't remember," he finally said.

"I wish I didn't. It hurt. Some things are best forgotten. I wish I could forget."

Her words were like barb wire.

Note from author:

Okay, leave the reviews quickly so we can move on to the next chapter. Take care! Penny


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

She cursed at herself. She hurt and she was now striking back at him. She placed her hands protectively over her abdomen as she lay facing the wall.

_I never thought about you…_

_I never thought of what I was doing to you…_

_I'm so sorry…_

_So sorry…_

She sniffled.

He cursed.

He slept little as he thought about the woman who lay in the next bed carrying his child. It warmed him. He rose and checked on her, pulling the covers up against her. He was already up that morning. He had packed and then sat there waiting for her to get up. When she did not stir, he woke her.

"Sara?"

She sat up and glanced at the clock. "I'll take a quick shower and then we can leave," she said through a yawn. She stood and grabbed some things before heading to the bathroom. She showered and then dressed.

He was waiting for her when she returned.

"We need to talk before we leave," he said motioning for her to sit down.

She reluctantly did so.

"Sara, we need to talk about what we are going to do when we get back."

"Nothing." She replied.

"That's not possible. I'm your boss. You're my employee and you're pregnant with my child."

"I won't tell anyone."

"I will."

"What's going to happen?"

"I'll face disciplinary action with personnel."

"I …uhm…never thought..."

"I did."

"What could happen?"

"I don't care. I'm more concerned about what's going to happen to the baby."

"You don't have to concern yourself…"

"I'm not going to argue with you. I intend to play a role in that baby's life…you are not going to stop me."

"I didn't say I would."

"But you were going…"

She stood. "I don't want to go through this again."

"I'm sorry it was not my intention. I want to know what you intend to do."

She looked confused.

"Sara, the baby is going to need us both."

"This is too soon…" she began.

"In just months we're going to be parents."

She sat back down.

"I want it to have my name. I don't like this."

"Like what?'

"That we're not married."

She gulped for air.

"I want my child to be legally mine…no question of legitimacy. Children born out of wedlock are born at a disadvantage.

"Disadvantage?"

"Yes. They will grow up unable to form lasting relationships."

"Cite your source."

"There have been many studies done about unwed mothers…"

She was back up again. "We need to go…"

"Sit down…please."

She watched him struggle with what he needed to say.

"Look, I just want our child to not feel like he or she was a mistake."

"So what do you propose?"

"We get married."

"No!"

Her abrupt answer shocked him.

"You're being selfish again," he said.

"I'm being…I want to leave," she said with arms crossed.

"Marry me?" he asked.

"No."

"Please."

She felt as if the air was slowly being sucked from the room.

"I won't marry you just because I'm pregnant."

"Okay, I change my mind about you."

She was confused again.

"Pride before the fall…"

"It would not be right to marry just because…"

"What better reason?"

"Love"

She blurted it out before she could stop herself. She felt her face turning red as she tried to look away.

"Sara…"

"I'm leaving," she said as she headed for the door.

"I love you."

"I hate you!" she said between clenched teeth now no longer caring if he saw her tears.

_I waited years for you to admit that to me…_

_I longed for you to tell me…_

_I begged for you to tell me…_

_I dreamed of you saying those words…_

_And now you mock me…_

_You never loved me…_

He felt as if the air had been knocked out of him.

"Do you mean that?" he asked quietly.

"Yes."

His eyes turned cold.

"I think we had better leave."

The ride was tedious as neither spoke. Once they arrived back, they went their separate ways.

Sara rushed home and burrowed herself into the warmth of the bed as she cried. She wasn't certain how long she slept but she suddenly felt a presence.

"Sara, I need to talk with you," said Bass.

"Jim?"

"What's wrong?"

"I need to talk with you."

She pulled on her robe and followed him downstairs.

"I saw Grissom in his office this evening. He was preparing to meet with personnel tomorrow."

"I see." she said.

"No, you don't see. Do you know why he stayed away from you? For a superior to have intimate relations with a subordinate means immediate termination. Sara, this is going to end his career with the lab. I've tried to talk with him but he insists on throwing himself to the wolves."

She sat there and began to tremble.

"I never wanted that. I uhm..he's worked all his life to get the lab where it is today…"

"It ends the moment he meets with them."

"I don't know how to fix this."

"Marry him."

"What?"

"Personnel will look at it differently if Grissom and you were married. They cannot fire a husband and wife. There will be no proof of when the relationship began. It's not like you advanced under Grissom's supervision…in fact he held you back."

She sat back.

"I can't do it."

"You love him. People have married for worse."

"I told him I hated him."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Bullshit. Look me in the eye and tell me you hate Gil Grissom."

She refused.

"You told him that to hurt him. It worked. He'll probably finish off the bottle I left at his house."

"Jim, you're asking me to marry him because…"

"You're going to have a child together and you both will still be employed. If he goes down, so do you…no job and no medical insurance."

Her head hurt.

"You've got to talk with him before tomorrow."

"I'll call him."

"Right. Get your ass up there and dress. We're going to pay him a visit. We need to work this out before all hell breaks loose."

"Jim, I'm not sure I can do this."

"How much do you love that baby?"

He saw her grow angry.

"Good, get pissed and then marry him. That baby deserves both of you. Despite the fact that he screwed up, he will be a good father if you give him a chance. He deserves a chance. I didn't like the idea of you leaving town and not giving him the opportunity to be a father. That would have been selfish."

Grissom's words echoed in her head.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about the baby. I was thinking about myself only. I'll get dress," she said quietly.

She wanted to crawl back into the vehicle the moment Brass pounded on the door. Grissom opened the door and was surprised to see them both standing there.

"We need to talk," said Brass as he moved past Grissom without waiting for an invite.

She came and sat down on the couch. She had been to his home a few years ago and it had changed very little. It felt more like an office than a home.

"Sara wants to get married," said Brass.

She suddenly felt on the spot.

"I doubt that," said Grissom as he sipped on the glass in his hands.

She tried to remember another time when she had seen Grissom drink and could not recall a single incident.

"Sara?" asked Brass.

She swallowed hard and stared at the floor. "I'll marry you."

Grissom watched her.

"I won't marry someone who hates me."

She fumed but took a deep breath.

"I don't hate you," she said softly.

"Fine. Marry me now," he challenged.

"Fine!" she said.

Note from author:

Yes…things are moving fast again…Don't blink. As soon the reviews come in, I will post again. Thanks so much to everyone who is leaving a review. To those who are reading along but not leaving one tsk tsk! Be kind and leave me one. Its the reason I write.

Take care!

Penny


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

It happened so quickly, she thought to pinch herself to see if she had dreamed it. She told herself to get through it so she could crawl into her bed and sleep. She needed sleep. The vows were said and then the justice of the peace stared at them. She was not prepared when he placed the simple gold band on her finger and then she felt his lips on hers. He deepened the kiss and she felt her body responding. The kiss ended and then they were back in the Denali and she closed her eyes to fight off the urge to jump out and run. She slept instead.

"Sara?"

She turned slowly when she heard his voice. She opened her eyes to find Grissom staring at her.

"Where are we?"

"We're home."

She shook her head.

"I uhm…where is Jim?"

"He left."

"Take me home," she said.

"You are home."

She was exhausted. "Grissom, I'm tired and I need to sleep. Please…"

"We're married. You live here now. Brass is going to deliver your things tomorrow."

"I need my medicine," she complained.

He held them up.

She felt trapped. She felt used. She felt as if she had been set up.

She had been.

"Come inside," he said as he slid out of the vehicle. She sat there and refused to budge.

He opened the door and went inside. She sat there and wiped her eyes as she cursed.

She thought to call Nick but she did not have her phone. She stared at her watch until the hand slowly made its way around the clock. She shivered and then reluctantly got out of the vehicle and headed inside.

He had showered and was fixing a drink.

She stood there not knowing what to do.

"Need a drink?" he asked.

_Scotch…._

_Bourbon…_

_Anything to deaden the pain…_

She declined the offer but then remembered she had not taken her medicine. She walked into the kitchen and asked for a glass. He began showing her around the kitchen and once she had taken the medicine, he showed her the house. She felt like a stranger. It reminded her when she was pawned around from foster home to foster home.

"Sara?"

She wanted to cry. She wanted to yell at Brass for talking her into this and then leaving. She felt abandoned.

"Could I sleep?" she asked.

The simple request made him long to take her into his arms. He led her to the bedroom. She noticed some of her things were already there and she flopped down on the bed in defeat.

_They planned this…_

_Brass probably just wanted to get rid of me…_

_I should have seen the signs…._

_The foster parents were always so nice right before they sent me away…_

_That's what he did…_

_He just…_

She went through the motions of dressing for bed and then stared at the bed. It was different. It was his. She longed for her old bed.

"Is there something wrong?"

"no." she said quietly.

She climbed into bed and burrowed her head down in the covers. He left the room and returned to the den. He finished his drink and then picked up his phone to call Brass.

"She's in bed," he whispered.

"How is she?" he asked anxiously.

"She's quiet."

"She thinks I betrayed her. I did. You better not hurt her. She's scared and now she won't trust me."

"That was the plan," said Grissom. "She needs to learn to trust me."

"Just remember, if you screw up and…"

"I'm not going to hurt her. Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for going along with this."

"I'm worried about her. She's not going to be able to sleep for a couple of days…she's going to feel very vulnerable…you know the gossip mongers will go wild about this."

"I'll look out for her."

He finished the drink and then quietly made his way through the bedroom to the bathroom. He stripped of his clothing and dressed for bed. He stared into the mirror.

_You can't screw this up…._

_You can't screw this up…_

She stiffened the moment she felt the bed give to his weight. She curled up and tried to keep from trembling. He rolled over and gently slid her into his arms.

"Please don't," she whispered.

His lips captured hers and she tried to pull away but stopped when she felt his tongue seek out hers and then thought she would die from the sensations. She moaned when his hands caressed her body inch by inch until her senses were screaming. His hand rested purposely on her abdomen and he deepened the kiss slowly inching closer until she felt him hovering above her. She did not recall when he stripped her of the gown but the moment his bare flesh touched hers she gasped.

"Sara," he whispered in her ear. He whispered her name over and over as he slowly entered her and waited for her body to respond. He felt her accept him and he began to move slowly. With each thrust he kissed her tenderly and whispered her name until she was responding with her own kisses and she found herself lost in the feel of the lovemaking. He waited until she climaxed before letting go himself. He pulled her up close despite the fact that she now tried to pull away and retreat.

"I'll never forget this," he whispered kissing her on the forehead. He felt the wetness on his shoulder and pretended he did not feel her tears. It hurt him. She fell asleep immediately and he took the opportunity to caress her body letting his hand linger over her abdomen.

"I love you, Sara. I think I've loved you forever," he whispered. He soon found himself yawning and then he slept as well. He woke to find her gone. He sat up in bed quickly and looked around the room. He pulled on a robe and began to search for her. He found her sitting in his study curled up in a chair with a blanket wrapped around her.

"Sara?"

She did not respond.

He came and stood in the doorway.

"What would you like for breakfast?" he asked.

"Both of you planned this, didn't you?" she asked.

"Sara, we're married. We can make this work. We need to spend some time with each other…"

"We spent five years together and look where it got us," she said softly.

"We've learned a lot about each other in those five years…"

"I learned that you think I sleep around. You were the first person I've slept with since I came to Vegas. What about you?" She turned to face him.

"Don't," he whispered.

"We're married. Married couples do not keep secrets."

"You already know. I slept with Heather."

"Once, twice…every week…"

He refused to answer.

She stared at him.

"Once… a few weeks ago."

"And yet, here we are married," she said between sobs.

"Sara, I thought you had gotten pregnant by someone.. else…Hank."

"You honestly think I could have casual sex….you don't know me at all."

"I was jealous."

"Do you love her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you love Heather?"

"No."

"So it was just sex?"

"Yes."

"So was that," pointing to the bedroom. She got up and headed to the bedroom.

He flinched.

His anger boiled.

She was not prepared when he grabbed her by the arm and she found herself pressed down on the bed by his weight.

"Just sex?" he glared. "If it was just sex, it was the best damn sex I've ever had. I don't give a damn what you tell yourself but it's not just sex unless you want it to be."

He closed his mouth over hers and thrust his tongue deeply inside forcing her to respond. He refused to let her hide from him. The robe she wore did not hinder him from seeking her flesh and soon she found him inside her as he continued to kiss her lips then neck and then plucked a tender breast. She winced and he caressed it with his tongue, kissing it gently and murmuring his apology for causing her pain.

"I don't want to hurt you Sara," he whispered. He made love to her urgently forcing her body to react to each touch until she found herself thrusting her hips up to meet his thrusts. He pulled her tight once they climaxed making her remain in his arms.

"Sara?" he pulled her chin up so she was forced to look into his eyes.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked quickly.

"No," she whispered.

She began to tremble and he pulled her tighter. "I'm here, Sara. Don't be afraid. I'm here." He kept his arms locked around her and she gave in to sleep.

Note from author:

I decided to add another chapter tonight because I picked up a new reader! The request from several others prompted me as well. Please remember gie a review for each chapter.I have really enjoyed the reviews. I try to respond to some but I've found that most of my readers prefer that I type away at a story so I do that. Please remember that I do read each and every one of them!

Take care!

Penny


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

When he awoke, she was still in his arms. He glanced at the clock and tried to ease himself from the bed without waking her. He made breakfast and listened for her but she remained asleep. He finally came in and woke her.

"You need to eat," he said with a smile.

He strolled out of the room but stopped to watch her ease out of the bed and cover her naked body with her robe. Their eyes met and he smiled. She felt embarrassed and wrapped her arms firmly about her body.

"Sara, there's nothing I haven't seen or touched already," he grinned. "Breakfast is getting cold."

She stood there and shivered. She felt very cold.

She sat across from him and managed to get the toast down. She sipped on the ginger ale and glanced around the house. It felt cold.

"I put a key on your key ring. I'll have to show you how to use the alarm system."

"Alarm system?"

"It's a safe neighborhood but its best to have an alarm system. Set it any time you come or go."

She nodded. She wrapped her robe more firmly about her.

"Cold?" he asked.

She nodded.

"I'll show you where the thermostat is located. I keep it cool. Adjust it."

He finished his coffee.

"I'm going to personnel this morning. I'll request the forms to have your name changed as well as the insurance forms."

"Name change?"

"Don't forget you'll need to change your driver's license as well as your social security card."

She felt her headache returning.

"Personnel is going to request that you be placed under someone else's supervision."

Her eyes shot up.

"I don't think they'll make you change shifts…I'm hoping they will place you under Catherine."

"But I could get moved?"

"It's a possibility."

_I won't be with the others anymore…._

_I'll be with strangers…_

_I'll be alone…_

_I'll…_

She was rushing to the bathroom now. She locked the door behind her as she lost her breakfast. She sat there with her head in her hands and she tried to stifle the sobs.

"Sara?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly.

"Open the door," he said.

"I'm…going to take a shower…I'll feel better once I take a shower," she said as she reached for the water.

He remained at the door.

"Sara?"

She waited until she heard him walk away before letting her guard down. She stepped into the shower and let the tears flow with the water.

He was sitting there when she came out. Her hair was wet and she shivered again.

"I'll turn up the heat," he whispered as he pulled her close to him. Her hair smelled different. He realized she must have used his shampoo since her things were still at Jim's. He kissed her holding her body close to his. She felt his desire as her own rose. Without breaking the kiss, he pulled back the covers and placed her on the bed as he slid in beside her. She lay there letting him make love to her.

_It's what I always dreamed…\_

_Waking up next to him…_

_Making love to him…_

She gave her body to him while her mind screamed of loneliness and fear. She hated how her body wanted him…desired him. She felt betrayed.

"I'm sorry," she heard him whisper. "You'll have to shower again. Come and join me?" he offered.

She declined.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

_I lost my home…_

_My life as I know it…_

_The person whom I trusted like a father…_

"I'm fine," she whispered trying to hold back the tears.

He cursed inwardly.

"Talk to me," he said.

"I'm…tired," she admitted. "I'm so very tired."

And she was.

"Stay in bed and sleep. You don't have to go in. Stay home and rest."

_This isn't my home…_

_I gave up my home…_

_This is your home…_

_I just live here now…_

Her mind drifted back to the first foster home she had been placed. The house was cold. The couple was well dressed well meaning middle class….and knew nothing about a young girl with fears and insecurities.

She felt those old fears and insecurities return as she closed her eyes tight and wished she could forget. He lay down beside her and watched her. He saw the tear slip down her cheek. He pulled her close and held her. "I'm here Sara. Don't be afraid," he whispered. He felt her move until her body lay on his. He held her tighter.

It felt good to have her seek his warmth and comfort. He felt they had made progress.

_She'll learn to trust me…_

_She'll learn to confide in me…_

_She'll learn to depend on me…_

_She'll learn I won't __**hurt her anymore…**_

When she woke, he was gone. She found a note on the kitchen counter telling her to stay home and rest. She showered and then drifted from room to room. She stared at the butterfly collection on the wall.

_I admired that the first time I was here…_

_Most men would not have butterflies on their walls…_

_Most men aren't Grissom…_

She fumbled through the books in the study and discovered some were not just forensic texts. She pulled out a book of Shakespeare and read a few pages before putting it back in its place. She then pulled out a book of poetry and she smiled when she read some of her favorite poems inside. She replaced the book but took note of its location.

She curled up on the couch and she shivered again. It's too cold. She pulled at the throw and pulled it over her. She was asleep in minutes. She awoke to the smell of food cooking. She stretched and suddenly rose unsure of her whereabouts.

"You must have been tired," he smiled as he came to stand at the end of the counter.

"Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes," he announced. She sat up and felt famished. She had not eaten in several hours. She looked at the clock and sighed.

_I've slept through another day…_

He prepared the table outside, and motioned for her to sit. While they ate he filled her in on the night's cases.

"I spoke with personnel. I have the forms on the counter for you to complete," he said as he sipped the wine.

She started to ask about her status but opted instead to drink the ginger ale.

"They're switching you to swing…I don't like it either but later you could switch to days..it would probably be better for the baby anyway. You'll still be working with the gang…just not all the time."

She was quiet.

"I took the liberty of telling everyone. I thought it would be better if I explained things…"

"You didn't have to do that…I was going to call Nick.."

"I'm sure he would love to hear from you, particularly Greg. He seemed worried about you. So…it's one less thing you have to worry about…they know we're married and that it's my child."

She was silent again.

"Brass asked about you. He's worried…"

"Right," she muttered as she picked up her plate and returned it to the kitchen.

"You know maybe it would be good for you to take another night off," he said.

"I'm fine. I'm going into work," she said. "Dinner was good."

"I'm glad you liked it," he said with a smile.

"I'm going to get ready," she said. She had made it to the bedroom door and saw the bed in disarray.

"I toss when I sleep alone," he said. "I didn't want to wake you when I got home," he said.

She started to make the bed and he was suddenly there pulling her down on the bed. His kisses seared her skin as he made his way down to her breasts. She felt his hands slide down her side and it rested on her hip. She sucked in air. He started to rise but she pulled him back needing the contact. He smiled and kissed her lovingly. He took her lips into his and began to thrust his tongue inward as his hand now settled between her legs and she moaned. She became the agressor as she found herself now making him take her lead. She gasped at the power of their lovemaking and she heard him whisper endearments as she climaxed. His gentle hands comforted her as if she were a child. The bed covers were now completely in the floor after their bout of lovemaking and she shivered pulling her body closer to his. He rubbed her arms and then kissed her on the forehead.

"Shower with me?" he asked.

She declined. He frowned but left her as he entered the bathroom. He felt the slight breeze as the door opened and then she stepped in. He turned and took her into her arms. He began to wash her hair as she stood there and let him. It had been a bold step on her part and he washed every inch of her. Once he was done, he dried her off and then wrapped her in the robe. She picked up her brush but he took it from her hand and began to brush her hair. She closed her eyes and let him. She felt his breath inches from her skin as he whispered how beautiful she was. She turned suddenly and slipped into his arms. He held her feeling her shiver. She pressed her body closer. "I'm here Sara, Don't be..."

"I'm...not."

"Good."

It made him feel hopeful.

The weeks passed as she was thrown into a different shift. She managed to work with Nick and Warrick. Greg began to call her regularly and she enjoyed the contact. The work helped her adjust although she seemed out of sorts the moment she stepped into the door each day. She had managed to set off the alarm several times, forgetting it as she would leave and listening to its shrill sound as she tried to punch in the pass code. He had been startled awake several times when it sounded, rushing out to find her feverishly trying to turn it off.

Her doctor appointment was approaching and he insisted on coming to the appointment.

"It's just my 3 month check up," she said.

"I want to come to each of them," he said.

She didn't argue. The whole process was frightening to her and she actually welcomed his support. She found herself needing him more and more each day. While she did not show it at work or even when they were at home, the moment they were in bed, she initiated the contact by pulling herself close to him. He lavished in it. He came to look forward to it every day and was disappointed when their shifts interfered with their sleeping arrangement.

He was stuck working a double one shift and she found herself restless. She did not like the bed unless he was there with her. She wandered from room to room and then decided to read a book. She pulled out the book of poetry and sat down at his desk. She noticed the notepad sticking out of the drawer and she opened it intending to fix it when she noticed the scribbling.

"no rights during pregnancy…no say in health issues unless she is endangering self or the baby…can relocate without consent…if married she could not do this…marital status gives father the ability to make decisions…." She felt the bile rise.

_He married me so he has rights…_

_Marital status gives him…_

_Power…_

"I've been such a fool!" she cried.

_I was beginning to trust him…_

She heard the door open and then his voice.

"Sara, you didn't set the alarm," he called out. "Sara?"

She sat there and listened while he walked through the house in search of her. When he peeked in the study, he smiled at her sitting there.

"Reading a book?" he asked with a smile.

She threw the notepad at his feet and glared at him.

"I can explain…" he began.

"I'm sure you could," she said.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

"Sara, I was hurt when you told me you hated me. I was afraid you would…I didn't want you to leave. Yes, I spoke with my attorney," he said as he came and sat down in the other chair.

"So he advises you to marry me…Brass being your good friend all these years persuades me to go along with it. It saves your career…"

"I don't give a damn about my career! All I cared about was that baby."

_Please tell me I didn't say it like that…_

"I think that was the first honest thing you've said to me," she said as the tears rolled down her face.

_You care about the baby…_

_Not me…_

_I'm just carrying your child…_

She stood and headed to the door but he blocked her path.

"I care about you too," he said.

_Shit! That's not what I wanted to say…_

"I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I wasn't pregnant…I wish we were never married…I wish I never came to Vegas."

"You don't mean that," he whispered. "You're hurt. Sara, forget that you saw that. Some things are best forgotten. I'm sorry…"

She turned and walked away.

He cursed. He was tired. He headed to the bedroom. He cursed again when he did not find her there.

She lay curled up on the couch. He came and stood over her.

"It's late. Let's go to bed," he said softly.

She did not respond.

"I don't like the silent treatment Sara."

_Think about what you're saying…_

_Think about her pain…_

_Think about how you've hurt her…_

"I'm not going to bed," she said.

"You can't sleep on the couch," he said. His voice much softer.

"I do all the time."

"I've slept on that couch…it lures you into thinking it's comfortable but then does havoc on your back. Please, I didn't mean for this to upset you."

He sighed combing his hands through his hair.

"Sara, I wasn't trying to force you….okay I was trying to force to stay…I was looking for time…time to set things right between us…I couldn't do that if you went back to San Francisco. Yes, I talked Brass into helping me because I wanted to set things right…to fix this…Frankly I wasn't sure you would marry me…not after…I'm been an ass."

She knew that he was struggling to try to say the right thing to think through each word.

"I've not slept with anyone in all these years. I couldn't but the moment I thought you were involved with someone else…really involved… not like Hank Pettigrew….Please, we're both tired. I'll sleep on the couch. You take the bed."

She stared at him.

She believed him.

"Besides you may be able to sleep on the couch but I can't sleep in that bed without you…not well anyway. I've slept more on this couch in the last couple of years than that bed."

He watched as she stood and then headed to the bedroom. He sat down on the couch and started to lie down when she stopped.

"You coming?" she asked quietly.

They each took their sides on the bed. He waited for her to curl herself up next to him but she remained on her side of the bed. He cursed out loud.

It startled her.

It made him curse again.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…" she heard him whisper. "I keep screwing up…I'm not good at relationships…I'm not good at…"

She felt him pull her over to his side of the bed and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"Have you ever written something you wished you hadn't?" he asked softly. "I never meant for you to see or know about that just as you never meant for me to know that you were going to leave and not tell me about the baby. We were both doing what we thought was right. We were wrong. Please don't let my stupidity set you back. You've been acting like your old self again…before the hell I put you through. I'm trying. I've been trying to show you how I feel…I'm trying to make you happy."

She lay there and swiped at her tears.

"Please Sara. I've never meant to hurt you. I've always been afraid I would hurt you…I've done that. Please…I'll do whatever you want…just please…"

He felt her arms tighten around him as she curled up against him. He sighed. He felt the pressure on his chest lessen.

_I haven't screwed up…_

_I haven't screwed up…_

_I can't screw up…_

_I love her too much…_

They sat side by side without touching waiting to be called. Grissom kept his head buried in a magazine and she could not help but feel a slight smile creep across her face when she noticed it was a pregnancy magazine for women.

When her name was called she felt his hand in hers and he pulled her to her feet taking the lead in following the nurse. He suddenly found himself out of place admitting out loud he had never been in a gynecologist examining room.

She glanced as he squirmed. There were the normal checks for blood pressure, urine sample and then she waited for her doctor to appear. She arrived immediately and Sara was relieved wanting to get through the appointment as quickly as possible.

"Sara, how've you been feeling?" she asked.

"The morning sickness is practically gone. I'm tired but fine."

"I'm going to examine you and then we're going to do an ultrasound," she said. She glanced at the nurse and suddenly Sara felt very frightened. She grabbed for his hand and held it tight.

Once the examination was completed, the nurse brought in the ultrasound machine and she sat there watching the monitor. It was brief.

She was told she could sit up and dress. She did it in record time and then sat there on pins and needles as she waited for the doctor to return. She did immediately. It made Sara's heart skip a beat.

"Sara, sometimes pregnancies terminate themselves because of some abnormality…it usually occurs during the first trimester. It's nature way of getting rid of the weaker…"

She didn't listen to the rest. Her head was too busy replaying her outburst.

_I wish I weren't pregnant…_

_I said that…_

_I got my wish…_

_It stopped growing…_

_Who would want to live inside someone who wished they did not exist…_

_I did this…_

_I wished it…_

She didn't recall leaving the doctor's office or the drive home or the fact that now she sat on the couch with him by her side.

"Sara?"

"Hhmm?"

"I scheduled the procedure for tomorrow…I thought it would be best if we got it over with..."

"Yes. The sooner the better. Some things are best done quickly and then forgotten."

He stared at her.

She sat there unable to move.

"You need to eat," he whispered.

She laughed. "No I don't. I don't have to eat or sleep or rest or…it will be time for shift soon. I better get ready."

She stood.

"You shouldn't go in," he said.

"Why not? There's no reason not to," she said as she turned and headed to the bedroom.

He sat there with head in hands and cursed.

_I don't know how to help her…_

_She doesn't trust me…_

_She doesn't trust Brass…_

_She needs…_

She went into work and acted as though nothing had happened. She worked well past her shift and then reviewed her files before finally being ushered out the door by him. He kept himself at a distance watching her pretend nothing had happened. The medical procedure was difficult and he watched as she slipped further into herself refusing to talk or acknowledge the miscarriage. No further mention was made of the notepad but she no longer came to him in bed and he lay there listening to her weep until he would pull her close to him.

Weeks went by and yet she withdrew even further. She worked double after double until he found himself yelling at her to stop. She ignored his pleas.

He sat there in his office and waited for Brass to arrive. He opened the door and slipped into the chair.

"How is she?"

"The same," he said quietly.

"How are you?"

"What?"

"How the hell are you? Don't bother answering. I can see for myself."

"I'm going to leave for awhile," he said glancing up to see Brass's reaction.

"I think it's a good idea," he said. "The two of you…"

"I'm going alone," he said.

"So when things go really bad, you skip town. I thought you were better than that," snarled Brass.

"She won't open up to me but she might with Nick and the others as well as you. Look, they're not getting anywhere with this serial killer. I've been asked to come down and do a profile."

"You can do that here."

"I need to leave," he said. Brass started to say something when he held up his hand.

"If I leave, they'll put Catherine in charge. Graveyard will be shorthanded and they'll put Sara back with the others. She needs to be with them. Maybe some time away from me will help…maybe she'll be able to sort through all of this. I'm hoping that while I'm gone, she'll realize…"

"She still loves you?"

"She loves me again….I'm not sure she's loved me since she became pregnant."

"That's bullshit."

"I treated her like shit…I deserve this. She doesn't. She feels really guilty right now but she won't admit it."

"Why?"

He told him about the incident with the notepad and then the comment.

"She didn't mean it," said Brass.

"I know," he said.

There was silence for a moment.

"I want you to look after her…don't leave her alone," he said. "Help her to understand why I'm doing this."

"You mean don't let her leave town," said Brass.

The thought had not occurred to him until that moment.

"That too."

She noticed the suitcase sitting by the door the moment she came in. She started for the kitchen and then remembered the alarm. She turned and set it.

She grabbed a beer and drank half of it as he stood there watching her.

"Want a beer?" she asked.

"I need to talk with you," he said. "There's been another murder…the serial killer is on the move again."

_I'm not going back there…_

_I'm not going back to where…_

"I've been asked to do a profile. I'll need to go there and view all of the reports and the locations," he said. "I'll be gone for several weeks."

"I see." She hadn't noticed how she gulped to force the air into her lungs.

"Catherine is going to be in charge…they're going to move you back to grave yard."

She nodded.

It was awkward between them.

"When do you leave?" she finally asked.

"I was waiting for you to come home," he said. "I need to leave now."

She nodded again now feeling her chest tighten.

He walked over and picked up the suitcase but then set it back down. He came to stand close to her hoping she would embrace him. She kept her arms folded about her body. He leaned in close so that his breath sent ripples down her neck.

"I'll miss you," he whispered and then left.

Reality set in. She glanced around the house and found herself alone. She panicked. She ran out the door but he was already gone.

_Don't leave me…_

_Don't leave me here…_

_I'll miss you…_

_I'll miss us…_

_I miss…_

Note from author:

I know there is a lot of angst in this story and I know that Grissom is…keep in mind, he's not made a move in over five years and Sara has thrown that up in his face…yes, he's being a bit overpowering…but he's desperate to fix the mess…any way he can think of…I'm more sorry for him than Sara…please leave a review. Please hang in there…they will be together before you know it and then fluff fluff fluff fluff…okay angst is always there as well but they are unified in the later chapters…

Take care!

Penny


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

She didn't sleep but prowled around the house. She was cold. The house was cold. She managed to get through the first shift and then worked another when someone called in sick.

There were no phone messages when she came home and she stared at the machine wondering if it worked. She immediately received her answer when the phone rang and she refused to answer it.

"Sara, it's Jim. I need to talk with you," his voice echoed in the house as she slumped down against the fridge and drank a beer. She shivered. She turned up the thermostat and yet she still shivered. She did not return his call telling herself she did not want to talk with him. She wanted Grissom and he had not called since he left.

_He cared about the baby…_

_I wished the baby away…_

_Now he's gone…_

_I should be gone…_

_This is his house…_

_Not mine…_

_I need to leave…_

She worked another double and would have gone for another if Catherine hadn't stopped her. She stared at his office door.

"Sara?"

She turned and found Nick.

"Hey,"

"You've been busy lately. Let's have dinner," he said as he started to pull her away.

"I'm not hungry," she said.

"Nonsense! We've missed you," he said pulling her down the hall to the break room where the others sat.

"Dinner anyone?" he called.

She found herself sandwiched between Nick and Warrick as Catherine and Greg sat across from them.

"Grissom called today…He's been working around the clock on his profile," said Catherine.

Sara's head jerked up.

_Grissom called you…_

She felt a pang of jealousy. The waitress returned with their food and she stared at her plate.

Nick watched her.

"Sara, you need to eat," he said.

She stared at the plate. "No, I don't."

"Don't know anyone who can go without food as long as you can," said Greg.

"You look tired," said Nick. "Are you sleeping?"

"I don't have to sleep," she said.

Nick glanced at the others.

"No one can go without food or sleep," he chided.

"You have to…" began Catherine when Sara tried to get up but found herself trapped between the two men.

"I'm going back," she said.

Nick placed his hand on her arm, "Sara, you need to…"

"NO! I don't have to do anything anymore. They said it just stopped growing. It terminated itself…so you see I don't need to…I need to leave…Please let me out!"

Warrick let her go but Nick followed.

"Sara!" he yelled as he grabbed by the arm.

Her shoulders shook as she gave in to the tears.

"Honey, you need to let us help you. We're all worried sick about you. I know how much you loved that baby…"

"No you don't. It was my fault…my fault."

She pulled away and then jumped in her vehicle and drove away.

He picked up his phone and called Brass.

"It didn't work," he said. "I'm worried. I'm really worried."

She opened the door and threw down her keys. She pulled out a beer and sat down in the floor. She cursed when the alarm went off. She sat there and continued to drink the beer until the sound became deafening. She half smiled when it stopped on its own.

The noise stopped. The silence returned.

She grabbed another beer followed by another.

She slumped down in a chair and finished the beer as the phone began to ring.

She refused to answer it. She heard an unfamiliar voice on the answering machine report the police had been called. She jumped up and grabbed the phone.

"It was an accident," she said.

"We need to talk with Mr. Grissom," said the man with the alarm company.

"Me too. I need to talk with him too but he left…he left and he hasn't called….not me anyway."

"Who are you?"

"Sara…his…wife."

"I'll need the password," said the man.

"Password? I have the pass code. I don't have the password. He didn't tell me the password. He didn't tell me a lot of things…I need to talk with him and he doesn't call…I need to tell him I miss him…I didn't mean to be so cold when he left," she was sobbing now. She set the phone down and sat there in the floor letting her tears drop to the hardwood floor.

There was a knock on the door and she remained there on the floor.

She was cold. It was cold.

The knock turned into banging and yet she remained on the floor.

"Sara?" he yelled.

She didn't move.

He unlocked the door and entered. Brass picked up the phone and hung it up. It immediately began to ring.

"You're phone is ringing," he said.

"I don't care," she sniffled.

"You should. It's your husband," he said.

"No it's not. It's the alarm company…I don't know the password…They think I'm an intruder. I am…I am an intruder."

"Bullshit. You live here just like Grissom."

"No I don't. I come here and eat and…house sit…but I don't live here."

He looked around the place and saw that it looked the same.

_Nothing of hers…._

_Just his…_

_Stupid bastard…_

_Never thought to bring her things here…_

She lay there in the floor and shivered.

Her phone began to ring.

"Grissom is calling you," he said. "I checked the caller ID."

"He just wants to make sure the house is okay. I set off the alarm."

"Well, you won't know why he's calling unless you talk with him," he said.

She remained on the floor.

"Sara?"

"This is my fault. I wished it away. The night before… I said I wished I wasn't pregnant…I wished it away… it stopped growing…I don't blame it…who would want to live in someone who wished it away…he said he cared for the baby," she said between sobs.

"He did."

"Now he's gone," she whispered.

"He's coming back," he said.

The phone stopped.

"I'm leaving," she said as she sat up and wiped her eyes. "I can't stay here anymore."

"You're not leaving."

"Yes, I am. I don't care if I have a job anymore…I quit."

"So…we're back to that song and dance again. You're not quitting."

"Yes, I am!" she said as she tried to stand. He pulled her up and watched her sway.

"You're not leaving," he said.

"You can't stop me!" she yelled.

The house phone began to ring.

"Yes, I can," he said.

She tried to pull away but he held her firm.

"Sara, it was not your fault. It just wasn't meant to live honey," he whispered.

"If I had never gotten pregnant, he never would have…he cared for the baby," she said again feeling lightheaded.

"He loves you," he said.

"NO, he doesn't. He loved the baby …he cared for it…not me…not me.." she sobbed.

The phone stopped.

"Sara?"

She looked at him.

"That's bullshit. He's been calling each of us everyday checking on you. He's calling now because you told the security guy how he wouldn't call you. He was trying to get you to call him. He's calling now. Pick up the phone, Sara."

She shook her head and pulled away.

She slumped back into the floor and pulled her legs up wrapping her arms about them as she sobbed.

"Sara?"

The other phone began to ring.

She rocked back and forth.

"Sara?"

She continued to rock and forth.

His concern went to panic mode.

He was down on his knees now as he pulled her into his arms and rocked her. "I'm here Sara. Don't be afraid," he whispered.

"Grissom?" she lay there in his arms letting him stroke her hair and whisper comforting words. She was asleep in minutes.

He carried her to the bedroom and covered her. Hecursed as the phone continued to ring.

"Grissom?"

"Is she okay?" he asked urgently.

"No, she's not okay. You're plan isn't working. She not eating or sleeping. She passed out from exhaustion."

"I'm coming home," he said. "I'll try to wrap this up…"

"How close are you to nabbing this guy?"

"It doesn't matter…"

"How close?"

"Close."

"Stay. Give me eight hours. If I can't get through to her, get your ass back here."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave her. Stay with her. If she looks frightened, tell her…"

"I did that tonight."

"Did it work?"

"She thought it was you. She misses you."

"Misses me?"

"Don't let it go to your head. Focus on the job and then get your ass back."

The phone clicked.

There was a knock on the door and Brass sighed. He opened the door and found Nick.

"I came to see Sara," he said. "I was worried."

"She's asleep," he said and motioned for Nick to come in.

They stood there whispering when there was another knock. Brass opened the door and found Greg followed by Warrick.

"All we need now is Catherine," said Brass.

"She's holding down the office," said Warrick.

"What she needs is Grissom," whispered Nick.

"He's trying to make it home," said Brass. "We just need to buy him a little time."

Note from author:

Thanks so much for the new readers and for those now leaving a review. I am really enjoying them. Please continue to do so! Take care! Penny


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

They sat there and watched the clock as the hours passed and she remained asleep. Pizza was ordered.

"Brass, we were here a couple of years ago and so I've seen this place before," began Nick. "But what I don't see is anything here that belongs to Sara."

They looked around.

"Me either," said Greg. "Why hasn't she…"

"Note taken," said Brass.

_She doesn't feel like this is her home…_

_That's why she's left her stuff in storage…_

_Or he didn't ask her to unpack her things…_

_Stupid bastard…_

_Doesn't he know anything…_

_Maybe she's planning on slipping away…_

_She could now…_

_She's not pregnant anymore…_

_She could up and leave…_

_She doesn't realize how much we love her…_

_Just want to protect her…_

_Shit…_

She heard voices and she crawled out of bed. She looked in the mirror and cringed. She showered and changed clothes. She stared at the dark circles under her eyes and sighed.

They turned the moment they heard the click of the door.

"Hey!" called Nick.

"She must have smelled the pizza," said Greg.

Her stomach growled. She was hungry.

Nick pulled her over to sit with him on the couch. He wrapped his arms around her.

"You're cold," he said.

"It's cold here," she said.

Brass stared at her.

_Stupid Bastard didn't know about that either…_

Nick pulled off the throw and placed it around her.

Greg shoved a plate in her direction and she took it. They pretended to chat about other things as she stared at the pizza before picking up a slice and took a bite. One bite led to another. Brass turned his head to conceal his excitement.

"You're out of beer," said Brass.

She looked at him. "I had two six packs…"

"We drank one," said Nick.

"Brass poured the rest down the drain along with Grissom's nice wine," said Greg.

She stared at him but said nothing.

She fell asleep again while leaning against Nick. He gently laid her down and covered her with a blanket. The guys left, promising to return and check on her the next day. He pulled out his phone and called Grissom.

"How is she?" he asked quickly.

"She slept for six hours and then had pizza with the guys. She's asleep again on the couch."

Brass heard him sigh.

"We need to talk," said Brass.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"This house."

"What wrong with the house?" he asked.

"It's yours," he said. "Everything in it belongs to you."

He was silent and then it dawned on him.

"I never thought to…"

"Right, you didn't think. She hasn't felt like this is home since she arrived. You know she was in foster care as a child," said Brass.

"Yes. She confided in me one time."

"Did she tell you what it was like for her in foster care?" He asked.

"No."

"Sara was in and out of several foster homes. She learned that when the home was only temporary her things were left packed."

He cursed. "I didn't know."

"The last home she was in, the foster mom had to unpack her things several times because every time Sara did something wrong she expected someone to come and move her so she would just pack up her things. It took a lot of convincing from the foster mom for Sara to believe she was finally home."

"I need to get her things out of storage. How do I do that?" he asked.

"I'll take care of it."

"No, I have to do it. Find out where they're stored and then I'll hire someone to bring it to the house….maybe even place some of it around the house…I'll work on it. I know an interior decorator."

"Couldn't tell it by this place," said Brass.

"Anything else?"

"She's cold."

"I showed her where the thermostat is located…."

"You're clueless."

"What did I miss?"

"When Sara's parents used to fight, she would go up in the attic. There was no heat up there. She was often cold. She associates cold with feelings of…"

"Loneliness and fear."

"At least you're a fast learner."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"You think she'll talk with me?"

"Send or do something to let her know you love her."

He was silent.

"Ask the interior decorator…wait the decorator is a woman, right?"

"Yes."

"Ask her."

"You're going to stay with her, right?"

"I'm not leaving."

"Good."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"She needs to know the password for the alarm system in case it ever happens again."

"What is it?"

"Sara."

Brass chuckled. "I could have guessed that."

She returned to work and the others stayed close. They began a ritual of meeting before or after shift to eat together. She had been late getting home and was surprised when a neighbor met her at the door.

"I live next door. New dog?" he asked.

"No."

"Well, we've heard whining along with a howl," said the neighbor.

Sara quickly opened the door and hit the alarm as she heard a noise come from the bedroom. She pulled her revolver and walked in slowly. She was immediately trampled by a boxer that wore a big red bow with a note. He yelped as he ran to the door and whined. She opened the back door knowing there was a fenced in area and he could not escape. The dog ran out and immediately used the bathroom.

"Sorry," she called after him.

He trotted back in and looked at her.

She pulled off the note and opened it.

_Sara,_

_His name is Bruno. I found him on my road trip. He's a sweet dog. He was dumped. He's lonely._

_Grissom_

She stared at the dog.

"Me too," she said.

She went to the kitchen and found a bag of dog food and poured some out into a bowl and gave it to the dog who ate hungrily. It was then she noticed the changes. The kitchen now contained some of her things. She found herself walking throughout the house, noticing the subtle changes. She found her books in the study along with one of her favorite throws. She found some of her pictures now hanging in the living room and her comforter and blankets were now on the bed. It brightened the room. His lamps were now gone and hers now sat on the nightstands. She opened the closets and found that now they each had a closet. She then saw the single rose lying on her side of the bed. She sniffled as her hand caressed the dog's head.

"My things," she said. "My things are unpacked."

The phone rang and she ran to answer it.

"Sara?"

He heard the dog bark followed by her voice telling the dog to sit.

"Did he sit?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"Good. I thought he was a good dog despite the bill I got for the damage he did while being shipped."

"He's big."

"He's sweet. Just be careful…he likes to lick your face."

"Grissom?"

"yeah?"

"My things?"

"I never noticed. I'm sorry. I had someone come and put them in the house for you. I hope you don't mind. I knew you would be busy with Bruno when you came home. He needs lots of attention or he gets into trouble."

"Trouble?"

"He chews on things….expensive things."

She looked down and noticed he was gnawing on the couch leg.

She pulled him away.

"What do I do when I leave for work?" she asked.

"Obedience school," he announced.

She chuckled.

It made him smile.

"Look on the counter and you'll find he has already been enrolled. Just drop him off each day. If you have to work a double, the owner has agreed to keep him until you get off…but don't work too many. It would be hard on him. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"I've missed you."

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I've missed you too."

He swallowed the lump in his throat.

It was a beginning.

Note from author:

See…the fluff is slowly seeping in…just look closely as the tide shifts once more….thanks for the reviews…thanks to those who consistently leave a review for each chapter…it means a lot! Take care! Penny


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

He called her in the evenings and they would chat for an hour or so. She was surprised at how much easier it was for her to talk with him by phone rather than in person.

"Do you know what this reminds me of?" he asked one night.

"No, what?"

"Our phone calls right after I came back from San Francisco."

It brought a smile to her face.

"We talked a lot," she recalled.

"Yes we did…but then we switched to email…I liked phone calls better."

"Me too."

He returned late one night. He had gotten an early flight out wanting to come home as soon as possible. She knew he would be coming home soon because the news had been flooded with reports that the serial killer had been located and arrested. His profile had led them to the woman.

She released Bruno the moment she opened the door and hit the alarm. She fed and watered him and then sat down on the couch and closed her eyes. She jumped when she heard the alarm sound. She pulled herself up and went to turn it off and found him standing there.

He grinned.

She grinned.

It seemed different now having him home again. The same insecurities returned quickly. He was prepared. He announced "Dinner" when the doorbell rang. 

He paid for the Chinese and they sat at the table and ate while Bruno sat outside and watched them through the glass doors.

"I think he likes Chinese," said Grissom.

"He likes anything," she said.

"You look good," he said.

She smiled slightly.

Once dinner was done, he unpacked while she pulled out a book and pretended to read. Once he was unpacked, he looked around the bedroom. She watched for his reaction. She breathed easier when he smiled.

"I like the comforter," he said. 

"Thank you," she said.

He was not prepared when she pulled him down onto the bed. Just the whisper of his name caused him to forget about the suitcase that he let fall to the floor.

"Grissom…"

His lips were already devouring hers as his hands roamed over her body. His breathing came in gasps as he pulled at her robe and smiled when he saw that she wore a thin gown. He disposed of them instantly but she halted his actions.

"Grissom…we can't…"

"Why?" he whispered.

"No birth control…"

"I'll handle that," he whispered. 

When she did not protest, he began his assault on her body and she felt herself floating as he entered her drinking deeply of her kisses and knew they each would not last long. He felt her muscles tighten around him and he climaxed with her. She stared at him but then he was kissing her again and she relished in the feel of him inside her. She had missed him. She had missed his lovemaking. It was wild but gentle and she found herself wanting him again.

He lay there later as she slept in his arms and he kissed her gently. It had been hard. It had been the hardest thing he had ever done and he swiped at his eyes as he held her to him. He had missed her. He had missed her more than anyone or anything in his life and it brought a chill to him knowing the power she had over him. Bruno came to the edge of the bed and whined. He patted his head.

"She's sleeping Bruno," he whispered. "Sorry but I'm sleeping with her from now on."

He whined once more before taking up residence on his pallet in the corner.

He watched as she slept.

_So sorry you lost the baby…._

_So sorry you hurt so much…_

_Just want to love you…_

_I would give you anything…_

She was sent back to swing but she did not seem to mind. His first shift back resulted in a double and they worked together. It felt like old times each enjoying working together. He watched as she smiled again. She sat at her desk and read the letter that she had received. She folded it up and placed it in her pocket. The couple of weeks he had been back had been the best since her arrival in Vegas. She felt herself trusting him again and she enjoyed coming home each day to their home.

_Our home…_

_Not his…_

_Not mine…_

_Ours…_

They had formed a routine of sorts. They made a point of walking Bruno every day to the park. It would give them time to chat about their day and once they arrived home, they no longer spoke of it but talked about other things. He had convinced her to sit through some old movies. She didn't seem to mind as long as she could curl up by his side with the dog.

He received the phone call that night and he slipped out of the movie while she sat there patting Bruno.

"Grissom."

"Are you ready for this?" asked Brass.

"What?"

"Sofia was promoted to supervisor."

"Well, she used to be a supervisor before Ecklie demoted her."

"She's now the supervisor over swing shift…Grissom?"

"I'm here," he said.

"Sara's new boss is Sofia."

_Shit…_

"When does this take effect?"

"Tomorrow. They're rewarding her for her work with catching the serial killer," said Brass.

"Figures."

"Sara doesn't know you were with Sofia, does she?"

"No. She wiggled her way into the investigation."

"Aren't you glad you didn't sleep with her?" said Brass.

Grissom was quiet.

"Tell me you didn't sleep with Sofia!" yelled Brass.

"I didn't but we did stay in the same hotel room one night…believe me, I got very little sleep that night. One minute I'm asleep and then next I find her naked in bed with me."

"How come I don't have these problems," said Brass.

"Sara would be upset if she found out…we're just getting things right between us."

"Then don't tell her. Wait, did anything happen?"

"No. When she kissed me, I pushed her out of the bed and slept the rest of the night in the Denali."

"Good boy. You should have known she would try something."

"I'm married."

"That never stopped her."

"You should have warned me…"

"Going to listen to me from now on?"

"That depends."

"Depends on what?"

"On how much trouble do you think I'm going to be in when Sara finds out I haven't been using any protection and I'm trying to get her pregnant."

"Ouch! You like to live on the edge."

"She wanted that baby."

"So did you."

"Do you think it was wrong of me?"

"Yes. You should have discussed it with her."

He was quiet.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I would have done the same thing. She wants a baby."

He smiled.

He waited until the movie was over and then sat down with her.

"That was Brass."

"Is anything wrong?" she asked.

"Sofia has been promoted to supervisor of the swing shift."

She stared at him.

"Sara…"

"It's fine," she said getting up.

"No it's not fine. You loath her as much as I do."

It made her smile inwardly.

He pulled her close and kissed her.

"I want…to talk with you about something," he said.

"Okay,"

He intended to just kiss her and then begin his talk but she deepened the kiss and began to run her fingers down his chest driving him insane. He pressed her against the wall and left a trail of kisses down her neck and she arched her back when he kissed her on the breast. She was tugging at his clothing now and they left a trail of clothing from the living room to the bed. She yawned once their lovemaking was over.

"You wanted to talk with me?"

"I wanted to know…if you wanted to try again…"

"Try?"

She stared at him.

"We both wanted the baby…"

"No," she said pulling away. "I don't want to."

"Why?"

"I…I don't want children."

It shocked him.

"You told me you wanted the baby."

"I made a mistake that resulted in the pregnancy. I was willing to accept the mistake…I don't want to make any more mistakes."

He stared at her in disbelief.

She rolled over and faced the wall. He did the same.

Note from author:

The reviews have been fascinating. I love to read them. As soon as I get so many, it makes me want to post again…the reason for the multiple releases of chapters! LOL I am going out of town, (Destin FL) this Wednesday and will not return until Sunday. I do have internet connection- my husband promised me! LOL so we should be able to proceed if the story is not finished by then. I am still working on the other…I keep going back and expanding. I so love the next one…it is my favorite so far. It is set one year after Sara leaves the show. It is entitled "Learning to Breathe Again." I have changed the titles so many times but I am sticking with that!

Take care!

Penny


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

He left for work early the next morning leaving her a note on the counter. She walked the dog and then dropped him off at the sitter before heading in herself. She was shocked when she saw Sofia sitting in Grissom's office. Her laughter floated through the air. She ignored the sound and continued down the hall. She sat down at her desk and frowned at the stack of cases that had been deposited there. 

She reviewed each one and then began working. She checked her caseload and noticed she had just received twenty more than the others. She said nothing but accepted the extra work. By evening she had managed to bring most of the paperwork up to date. She stood and stretched before heading to the women's bathroom. She ignored her standing there near the sink and hoped she would be gone by the time she finished. She cringed when she came out and Sofia remained in her spot as if waiting for her.

"Hi Sara," she said as she continued to brush her hair and then check her makeup.

"Hello Sofia," she replied.

"I haven't seen you since your sudden marriage to Gil. That was a surprise until we heard about the miscarriage," she said.

Sara stared at her.

"I'm surprised you weren't mad at him for insisting that I go out of town with him. I think he wanted my expertise at tracking serial killers."

"Serial killer?"

"Yes. It's the reason I was promoted…my work with Gil. I mean we traveled all over the place together staying in some very cramped quarters from time to time but we managed. It was disappointing when I got promoted but he didn't…all because you got pregnant and he had to marry you….but at least one of us got rewarded for the work we did. Pity he didn't because of you."

Sara was quiet.

"I'm surprised you've taken it so well that I'm now your supervisor. I mean since I have a history with Grissom." 

"A history?"

She smiled. "Interesting mark he has just above…I know you've noticed it." She grinned and then started to walk away.

"Have you had time to review those cases? I thought you wouldn't mind carrying a few more, you being so much faster than the others."

She waited until she left before sitting down on the bench.

_The only way she would have known about the…_

_She would have had to see him…_

_Or he could have told her…_

_He never told me Sofia went with him…_

_Maybe that's the reason he didn't call for so long…_

She stacked her cases up and was preparing to leave when she was handed another case.

"I need someone to go to this address…body found…I would send someone else but they're still trying to get caught up. Are you caught up?"

She knew she was. 

"Yes, I am."

"Good." She handed her the case and then left. She watched as she returned to her office closing the door. 

Sara sighed. She worked through the next shift finishing up the case and then returned with the evidence. She yawned. She clocked out and walked down to his office but he was not there.

She started to drive away when she caught sight of his vehicle pulling in. She started to stop but then she noticed Sofia was in the front seat. She drove away. 

She was gone by the time he arrived home. He had hurried up through the shift and hoped to catch her before she left but noticed her car was already gone along with Bruno. He sat down at the counter and ate something before retiring to the bedroom. He stared at the bed and noticed it had not been slept in. 

He fumed.

_She's avoiding me…_

_Offering to take the case…_

_Working the double…_

_Just to avoid coming home to discuss…_

He was too tired to think. He showered and then went to bed.

She was happy when she got to work with Nick. It had been pure chance. 

"I heard you were working this case so I lied and said it might be related to a case I'm working on," he said with a grin.

She smiled.

"How've you been?" he asked.

"Busy."

"I heard. Listen, how are we ever going to have dinner again if you keep working doubles?" he asked.

"Not my idea. Sofia has made a point of making my life a living hell. I'm assigned more cases than the others…of course it's because I'm faster than the others…and since I was current, I got to work the case last night…not that it was my turn on the board…I just wanted to go home. I'm venting, aren't I?" she said.

He smiled, "Yes, you are."

"I'm finished."

"Sara, you can't let her treat you like that. You need to refuse."

"I can't. I don't want to cause any problems right now…not after…personnel was doing an investigation about…Grissom could have lost his job. It never should have happened but it did and we both could have been fired."

"You make it sound like that's the only reason the two of you got married."

"It is. He married me because I was pregnant. I married him for the same reason and…I didn't want him to lose his job…they would have fired him if we had not married."

"Grissom married you because he loves you."

She didn't say anything.

"Sara, you must know that he loves you. I bet he's told you…"

She turned away.

"Wait, you cannot believe he…"

"He contacted an attorney when he found out it was his…to find out about his rights as a father…he was told to marry me then he would have rights. He did that."

"How did you find out about this?"

"I found his scribbled notes on a notepad in his study."

"Did you ask him…"

"Nicky, I know he doesn't love me. He wanted the baby…he was willing to make things work for the baby…but then I had the miscarriage…"

"I don't believe Grissom only wanted the baby…"

"He asked about having another child and I told him no."

"I thought you wanted the baby?"

"I did. I just wanted him to want me first…he doesn't…I mean he immediately wants another child… like another one could just replace…I mean I haven't even begun to sort through…I told him no and the next day I wake up and he's gone….he leaves without another word. How do you ask someone to have a child with them and you don't even tell that person you love them?"

She pulled away when he tried to comfort her.

She sniffled. "I'm not naïve anymore. My eyes are wide open. I waited five years for him to…he never until…I know how he really feels," she said as she headed back to work.

Nick sat there and watched her.

He suddenly wanted to kick Grissom's ass, supervisor or no supervisor.

Sofia was waiting for her when she returned from the field. Ecklie stood nearby.

"Sidle..sorry Sara I need to see you for a moment," she said as she held the file in her hand.

"Yes?"

"What were you doing working a case with Nick Stokes this evening? He's not supposed to be working with our shift?" 

Sara fidgeted. She knew Ecklie was listening.

"I thought the case matched one of Nick's and so I asked him to assist…it was my fault. It won't happen again."

"That's right it won't," said Ecklie who came to stand beside Sofia. "If you think a case matches another case in this department you are to report it to your supervisor immediately and she will decide who works on the case. Is that clear?"

"Yes. I'm sorry it won't happen again."

"Good. Just because you managed to get yourself married to Gil Grissom does not give you any privileges with this department. Understood?"

"Yes. I understand."

She stood and watched as they walked away.

She finished up the cases and then clocked out. Her head hurt from the lack of sleep. She tried to think back when she had last eaten and had lost track.

She opened the door and sat down on the couch. The sound of the alarm shrilled. She cursed.

She turned it off and then fell asleep on the couch.

She felt him nudge her and she jerked awake.

"Sara, where's Bruno?"

"Bruno?"

She jumped up; grabbing her keys and drove to the kennel but cursed when she saw that the owner had already taken him home. She sat there in her car and cried.

_I forgot Bruno…_

_How could I have forgotten him…_

_Same way I forget the alarm…_

_And to sleep…_

_And to eat…_

_That's what I would do if I had a child…_

_I would leave it somewhere…._

_Stuck in the daycare…_

_No food or water…_

_Shit…_

She dried her eyes and drove back. He was sitting on the couch when she returned empty handed. 

She shut the door.

"Alarm," he called out.

She returned and then pushed in the pass code resetting it.

"I was too late…she's already taken him home with her. I'm sorry I forgot."

"Have you eaten?"

"No."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"I…"

"You worked a double the other night…did you sleep?"

"Yes." She lied.

"In bed?"

"Yes," she lied again.

He looked at her.

"How many lies do you want to tell me?" he asked.

She became angry.

"I'm not sure…how many have you told me?"

"What have I lied about?' he asked.

"You didn't tell me you went out of town with Sofia."

"You heard."

"Yes, I did."

"Okay, I did not go out of town with her. She managed to get herself assigned to the case and yes she joined me."

"Staying where ever you stayed."

"You sound as if you don't trust me," he said not taking his eyes from her.

"Did you stay in the same hotel room?" she asked.

He wanted to lie.

"Yes."

She was silent for a moment.

"Has she ever been in bed with you?"

He was going to lie this time.

"No."

"When did she see your scar? When you spent the night in the same hotel room?"

He cursed. He should have lied in the beginning.

"Yes."

She turned and headed to the kitchen.

He followed.

"Sara, I can explain…"

"Don't. You don't have to explain. There's no need."

He sighed. "Why are you so jealous of Sofia?"

She drank a glass of juice and then turned on him.

"She wants you but you know what she can have you. I'm done."

It made him livid.

Note from author:

Okay, breathe in. Breathe out. Got the routine? Now give me a review and we can proceed with this conversation in the next chapter…take care! Penny


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

"Have you forgotten that we're married? Our vows are not something to just idly throw away or did you listen to them at all? I did. I knew exactly what I was doing."

"You were marrying the woman who got knocked up..."

"What the hell has happened to you?"

"Happened to me? I don't know…let's see I get my husband's ex want to be lover for a supervisor who…you know I'm tired and I just need to sleep. I'm going to bed."

"You haven't eaten," he said quietly. "Look, Sara I think we're both tired. I'm sorry. I'll fix up an omelet…please sit down…please."

She sat down on the couch too tired to fight any longer. He began to cook when her phone rang.

"Sidle…Grissom….Sara," she finally said.

He smirked.

"Hey Nick," she said in hushed voice.

"No, don't. It's over…it would only make it worse. I'm not sorry it happened. It was good being with you again," she said.

Grissom froze.

He suddenly felt very jealous.

"Tomorrow…I'll try," she said.

She hung up.

"That was Nick?"

"Yes."

"Didn't see him much today," said Grissom.

"He helped me on a case today. It was good working with him again. Ecklie got mad that no one told Sofia that his case might be related to my case…it won't happen again."

"I take it Ecklie yelled at you?"

"Not the first time. It won't be the last."

She yawned again. She closed her eyes.

"Don't go to sleep. You need to eat."

He nudged her when he prepared the table. She had fallen asleep the moment he turned his back.

She ate and then trudged back to the bedroom, pulling off clothing and letting it fall to the floor. He watched as she slipped on her gown and did not seem to care that he stood there watching.

Once she was settled in bed, he did the same. He waited for her to roll over to him but she was already asleep. He pulled her close to him and slept.

He watched her while she slept. She seemed tired these days and he knew that she had been over doing it at the office. He hated the swing shift now. Since Sofia had begun working, Sara was working more and more doubles. He did not want to interfere but he was becoming annoyed with it. They had not even been able to talk much. It had bothered him how emphatic she was about not having a child. 

_I was so sure she wanted a baby…_

_Even Brass thought the same…_

_I would be happy with just the two of us…_

_But I thought she wanted more…_

He felt her stir and she woke to find him staring at her. She glanced at the clock and then moaned.

"Still tired?"

She nodded.

"You look tired. Why don't you take a day off?" he asked.

"I can't. I have court," she said.

"Don't work a double then."

"I would like nothing more than to come home after my shift…" she stopped.

"Sara?"

"Nothing…I had better get up and shower," she said. She started to pull away when he caught her arm. "Stay for a moment," he said. "I've missed having you in bed." His lips traveled down her neck and then placed soft kisses down her abdomen. He caressed her hips and pulled her over until she was underneath him. Her lips sought his and he felt his arousal when she purposely deepened the kiss until he thought he would explode without even entering her.

"Grissom?" she managed between moans.

"Yeah?"

"You are using protection?"

He pulled out the drawer placing the condoms on the bedside table.

"I mean sometimes, It doesn't feel.."

"Are you an expert…"

He felt her bristle.

He quickly kissed her, letting his hand slide between her legs and she moaned with anticipation. He waited until she was in a frenzy before entering her. He plunged deeper and deeper until he felt her climax and then he did the same. He rolled off to the side, removing the condom.

She said nothing. He lay back down and did not expect her to come to him but his lips turned to a slight grin when he felt her body curl up next to him. It had been the first time since his return. He tightened his hold around her.

"You could sleep for another hour," he whispered.

She did.

He sat there in his office when Nick stepped inside shutting the door.

"I need to talk with you about something," he said.

"Is it about the case you worked on with Sara?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I heard Ecklie yelled at her."

"Did she tell you she took the blame for me?" he asked.

"No, she didn't," he said.

"I've missed her. I was worried about her. I've passed her coming and going and she's tired. I lied and said the case may be related to one of mine so I could work with her…to talk with her."

"Did she…talk with you?" he asked.

"Did she! Sofia is being a bitch to her but she won't say anything. Sofia has been giving her more cases than the others because Sara works faster. She gave her that damn case the other night and all Sara wanted to do was go home. She gave it to her just because Sara sits at her desk and works…you know some of the swing shift goof off. Sara's paying the price."

"I've noticed how tired she's been. She's not said anything to me about Sofia but then again I'm not sure she would."

"Ecklie was an ass to her," said Nick.

"How so?"

"Judy is the biggest gossiper in the lab but she can also quote someone word for word. She said Ecklie yelled quote just because you managed to get yourself married to Gil Grissom does not give you any privileges with this department. End quote. Everyone knew what he was implying."

"The pregnancy."

They were silent for a moment.

"Grissom, she's not worked through the miscarriage…she told me."

"Thanks, Nick. I knew that something has been bothering her. I'll talk with her," he said.

He started to leave but stopped, "you know it wouldn't hurt to tell her you love her…you do, don't you?"

"Yes, I do…I thought she knew that," he said guiltily.

"Women have to be reminded. It's a flaw of theirs."

"I'll keep that in mind."

He went to her desk and found that she was out in the field.

"Gil, checking up on that wife of yours?" asked Sofia.

"Isn't it time for her to be off shift?" he asked.

"She wanted to work this case…you know she pulls more overtime than anyone else in the unit. If I were just married I would be…"

"Excuse me," he said as he went to the front board to find her location. He stood in the doorway and watched her work.

"About done?" he asked.

She looked up, "Just started."

"You know your shift ended some time ago."

"I know."

"You know when you work a double in a week you can decline working over?"

She didn't say anything.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you want to work this case?"

"I wanted to go pick up Bruno…You know he's going to think I don't…."

"Don't what?"

"Don't want him…He's your dog."

"He's our dog."

She glanced at him but kept on working. A slight smiled crept across her face. He took off his jacket and came over to assist.

"You can't do that. Sofia would..."

"Sofia is not going to cause you to work through another shift. If we work together we can get this done a lot quicker."

"She can also report this to Ecklie….He'll think I asked you…"

"You didn't. I did."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

"Look, I don't want you to help. I have to do this on my own."

"Why?"

"Because everyone thinks…"

"Since when did you ever worry about what others think?"

She remained silent until he sat his kit down.

"No!"

"You don't need to be out here by yourself," he said looking around.

"Where's the officer?"

"He left."

"He's not supposed to leave!"

_He can if he's friends with Sofia…_

She resumed working.

He stood there watching.

"Fine," he said walking off.

He returned to the Denali and called Brass.

"Brass."

"Who's supposed to be out here with Sara? She said the officer left."

Brass cursed. "I'll be there in a minute."

Grissom waited until Brass arrived.

"Sofia should not send any of her guys out alone," said Grissom.

"She doesn't….just Sara."

Grissom grew angry.

"Look, I'm not sure if you've noticed this or not but Sofia is also overloading Sara…"

"I've heard."

"You know she's been really tired lately…run down…no morning sickness yet…"

"She doesn't want to get pregnant," he said quickly.

"So you haven't been…"

"Not since we discussed it…no."

"Maybe she just wants to be a couple for a while…"

"Nick said that she admitted to him she had not gotten over the miscarriage…maybe she should see someone."

"Maybe you should talk with her…women always blame themselves for a miscarriage."

He looked at Brass but said nothing.

"She wouldn't let you help would she?"

He shook his head.

"Well, that's because Sofia is just itching to put a bug in Ecklie's ear and accuse Sara of getting you to do her work."

"I'm going to talk with Sofia…"

"Wouldn't do that if I were you."

"What am I supposed to do…Sara is letting her walk all over her…"

"And why do you suppose she is doing that?"

He stared at Brass.

"She's afraid for you."

"Me? What does this have to do with me?"

"She's doesn't want to draw personnel's attention…she still thinks you stood to lose your job for having a personal relationship with a subordinate. She's trying not to rock the boat."

"That's…she is protecting me, isn't she?"

"Sara doesn't take crap off nobody…except you…she lets you walk all over her…she did it for years…that's devotion."

He sat there staring at the house.

"So, what are you going to do? Sit here and wait for her?"

"Got any better ideas?"

"You could go get the kid something to eat…I haven't seen her eat all day."

He took the advice leaving for a short period but returning with sandwiches and coffee. He stood there in the entrance and noticed she had already completed most of the work.

"Could I interest you in a break? I have food," he said holding up the bag.

She wiped her forehead and smiled.

"Food is good," she said.

They sat outside and ate. Brass joined them smiling when Grissom had remembered him as well.

"So kiddo, you have a lot of cases coming up on the court docket. You've been busy," said Brass.

She nodded.

He frowned and then scowled at Grissom.

_She doesn't trust me anymore because of you…_

They finished and Sara returned to work.

"See you at home?" asked Grissom.

"Thanks for dinner," she said stifling a yawn.

He hesitated a moment before leaving.

He picked up around the house refusing to sleep until she came home. He looked at the bedroom and grinned remembering the night before when she had stripped her clothing letting it fall to the floor. He picked up her pants and noticed something tucked down in the pocket. He pulled out the letter and laid it on the bed before discarding the clothes in the hamper. He then picked up the note and took it to the counter letting it sit there. He started to walk away and then stopped.

_Don't look at it…_

_It's hers…_

_It could be personal…_

_It could be nothing…_

_It could be important…._

He felt guilty as he opened the paper but soon the guilt turned to anger as he read the letter. He folded it back up and set it on the counter.

He searched for the wine and found that it was gone. He then searched for the other bottles but soon found the house empty of alcohol. He opened the fridge and to his surprise, there was no beer.

He sat there in the chair and fumed.

_Why didn't she tell me?_

_How long has she been planning this?_

_Probably why she changed her mind about getting pregnant…_

_She just wants to go back to San Francisco…_

_To her new position…_

_Congratulations…_

_Probably why she's been putting up with Sofia…_

_She knows she'll be leaving in a few months…_

_She'll be leaving…_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

He was still sitting there when she came through the door. He heard her punch in the pass code and then walk to the kitchen. She pulled out a glass and then drank some juice as he sat there and watched her.

"When were you going to tell me about the new position?" he asked.

It startled her as the glass slipped from her hand and fell to the floor shattering.

"Geez, Grissom. You scared me," she cursed as she tried to move around the glass.

"Stop, I'll help," he said but she was already reaching for the dust pan and the broom.

"I said stop! I can help you here in our house!" he yelled. He stopped himself immediately. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell…it's just that I want to help."

_I want to protect you from Sofia…_

_I want to feel needed…_

_You don't need me…_

_I need you…_

"It's my mess. I can clean it up," she said as she leaned over and began picking up the pieces of glass.

He stood there with arms folded letting her do it. She could hear his breathing from where she stood and she knew he was furious. 

A piece of glass slipped out from the pan and she picked it up with her hand.

"Ouch!" she yelled as she dropped the pan sending the glass back into the floor.

"Let me see," he said holding her hand under the light. He gently placed her hand under the water letting the blood wash away and then he picked the sliver of glass out of the cut.

"Stay put," he said as he left briefly but returned with a band aid. He then forced her over to the couch while he finished cleaning up the mess.

Once he was done, he turned and found that she was asleep on the couch.

He started to let her sleep but then he remembered the letter.

"Sara, you need to wake up. We need to talk about this."

She sat back up, rubbing her eyes and then stared at him.

"When the position was scrapped, Corbin told me to hang on…that it would come back up for reconsideration in twelve months….he got it pushed up. The position will now be available in three months…I've been recommended for the position."

"Are you going to take it?" he asked.

She was silent.

"Where does that leave us?" he asked.

"Grissom if you had not gotten sick…you never made a move in five years…"

_I have now…._

_I've been the aggressor…_

_I've been making the moves…_

_I've been trying to show you…_

"We're married."

"We married because I was pregnant."

"Look, we've been through this before…"

"Yes, and I'm tired. I need to sleep….so do you." She looked at him pleading and he conceded.

He lay there on his side not making a move toward her. She curled up in a ball on her side and was asleep instantly. It angered him again. He had hoped she would come to him. He rolled over on his side and tried to sleep. He tossed and turned and then finally found himself pulling her over to his side and once she was in the nook of his shoulder he slept.

He was surprised when he felt her lips on his chest. Her hand moved gently down his body and his muscles tensed when he felt it glide down his waist. Her fingertips traced the scar and then she placed featherlike kisses on it as she continued back up to his chest. He grabbed her taking her lips into his and he rolled over pinning her body with his. She moaned when his hands roamed over her intimate places and soon she was positioning herself underneath him. He started to enter her but stopped, opening the drawer and then readied himself before thrusting deeply. She gasped from the force and then she was floating with him as they both climaxed.

He held her, not wanting to relinquish the contact.

_I could have…_

_She doesn't want children…_

_But she would stay…_

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"About the position…"

"Yes?"

_Please tell me you're going to stay…_

_Please tell me it's not just sex to you…_

_Please tell me you love me…._

_I love you…I've loved you forever… _

"I haven't given him an answer."

"It's your decision, Sara." He got up and went into the bathroom. She rolled over and listened to the shower turn on. He leaned against the door and told himself she would stay but his mistakes caused him to stifle his own sob at the prospect of her leaving. It would hurt him. It would hurt him more than anything he had ever experienced. His chest heaved as he stood there letting the water pour down his body.

He was quiet during breakfast. She had showered and was now playing with Bruno. He stood in the kitchen and watched. She sat down on the deck and let him run while she rested. He had wanted her to tell him she would stay. The fact that she was still unsure about her future with him but had initiated the intimacy reaffirmed his fears that she did not truly love him.

_How could it just be sex for you…_

_Maybe I'm not what you thought…_

_Maybe you want someone younger…_

_Someone …._

_Who can make you happy…_

_Someone who doesn't screw up all the time…_

He left without saying a word. She came inside and was surprised he had not even left a note. She dropped off Bruno and headed into work.

She met with Doc to discuss the cause of death on her most recent case.

"Blunt force trauma," he said. "Pretty cut and dry here."

"I thought as well," she said as she yawned.

"You look tired. Are you getting enough rest?"

"I try. I've been working a lot of doubles….would like to have a few days to just rest."

"Doesn't sound like the Sara I know. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I've just been so tired…I don't think I've ever really recovered from the miscarriage."

"Have you talked with your OB?"

"I've been to the followup…everything is fine."

"Did she retest you for the anemia? You could still be anemic…I could run a few tests…let you know?"

She sat there while he drew some blood and then smiled, "sorry but I don't have any stickers or…"

"Band aid would be nice," she said.

He handed her the band aid and a cup.

She stared at him.

"Urine sample."

She frowned.

She sat there waiting for the results. He turned and looked at her.

"Have you and Gil thought about trying to have another child?" he asked.

"Yes…we decided we didn't want to."

Doc looked surprised.

"So, am I still anemic?"

"Yes, you are. Do you still have your prescription?"

"No."

"I'll write you another one…Sara, I also played a hunch and tested to see if you might be pregnant."

"Well, I know I'm not…We've been careful…"

"You're pregnant."

She stared at him.

"But…"

"What form of birth control…"

"Condoms…birth control pills make me sick….I'm pregnant?"

"When was your last cycle?"

"My cycles haven't exactly been on time ever since the miscarriage…six weeks."

"You need an appointment with your OB. You need to tell Gil…"

"No!"

"Sara…"

"I don't want to tell anyone until I'm out of my first trimester…so I know that…"

"Sara, just because you had a miscarriage the first time doesn't mean…"

_You don't know my track record…_

"But it could happen again. This is doctor patient privilege right?"

He frowned. "Yes."

"I'm not telling anyone yet."

"Get the appointment. Take the prenatal vitamins…have this prescription for the anemia filled today…okay?"

She nodded.

She left him standing there as she hurried to her desk. She sat there and tried to focus on the files in front of her.

_Pregnant…_

_Pregnant…_

_How could this have happened…_

_We decided…_

_He wanted…_

_I didn't…_

_He…_

_Said he would handle it…_

She fumed.

_He did this on purpose…_

_He wanted me to get pregnant…_

_Why not?_

_He's thinks he's stuck married to me…_

_Catholic belief and all…_

_Gets me pregnant…_

_I wanted to get pregnant too…_

_I was just too scared…_

_I'm scared now…_

She picked up the files and walked into Sofia's office ignoring the fact that she sat there with Ecklie.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but there must be some mistake," said Sara as she purposely dropped the files on Sofia's desk.

"Mistake?" asked Ecklie. "When your supervisor gives you a file then you work it. You don't get to pick and choose. I'm not sure what Grissom let you get away with but…"

"I'm sorry but as you can see by my caseload listing, I was just given twenty cases just the other day which by the way are current. These cannot possibly belong to me," said Sara.

"You're….right Sara. I got distracted and laid them down by mistake," said Sofia as she glanced nervously at Ecklie.

"Oh, I'm going to take off the rest of the shift since I've been working way too much overtime. I'm glad to help but working two doubles in one week without the assistance of another CSI has worn me down. I better not work anymore overtime for the remainder of the week."

She started to leave when she stopped. "Thanks for sending Brass out there last night when the on sight officer left the scene leaving me alone."

"You were alone?' asked Ecklie.

"Oh but Brass came out there and stayed until I finished about six hours later. Thanks for making sure I wasn't placed in any danger."

"You've reported this officer I hope," said Ecklie to Sofia.

"I'm looking into it," said Sofia now fidgeting in her seat.

Sara smiled and then walked out.

Grissom watched as she left wondering where she was going in such a hurry.

_Sofia must have sent her out on another case…_

He fumed.

She waited in the doctor's office to be seen. She knew it would be a long wait since they had agreed to work her in. She closed her eyes and found herself asleep. She felt embarrassed when she felt the slight nudge from the nurse. She went through the routine. She was given the prenatal vitamins and she discussed the anemia with her doctor who confirmed the same diagnosis.

She was advised to work less overtime and to monitor her blood pressure since it appeared to be high. She frowned. 

_It's high because I want to kill him…_

_He did this on purpose…_

_He wanted me pregnant…_

_I did too…_

She sat there in her car and stared at the pregnancy statement. 

_I need to tell him…_

_Maybe it will be different this time…_

She was sitting there on the couch when he returned home. He had been upset when he learned she had left early but had not bothered to tell him. He had even tried to call her but her phone was off.

She watched him place his things on the counter and then came to stand in front of her.

"You didn't bother to tell me you were leaving early," he said.

She could tell he was upset.

"I tried to call you but your phone was off."

"I was tired. I needed some time off," she said simply.

"You could have come by and told me," he said quietly.

"Didn't know I was supposed to inform you of my every move…"

"Fine, if you don't want to tell me where or what you do then consider that mutual."

"You seem upset…"

"I'm upset that everyone has come to me to tell me how shitty Sofia has been treating you but you haven't bothered to tell me yourself."

"I can handle it myself," she said.

"Talk to me," he said almost pleading.

"It's taken care of."

He turned to hide the hurt.

"Fine," he said as he walked away leaving her to sit there by herself. She heard him stop and then turn.

"Are you going to take the position in San Francisco?" he asked. His chest tightened as he waited for her reply.

"I haven't decided," she said. She lied.

_I can't leave now…_

_I wouldn't take this baby away from you…_

_I just need to make sure…_

"Why?" he whispered.

"Why?" she countered back.

"I can't live like this…not knowing if you're going to stay or go," he walked over to the counter and pulled out the bottle of scotch he had purchased.

"Bad day?" she asked.

He did not respond.

He poured himself a glass and retreated to the study shutting the door behind him.

_She's going to leave…_

_She's going to leave…_

_I'm going to lose her…_

_This is going to break me…_

_This is going to…_

_It was sex…just sex…_

_She doesn't love me…_

_But I love her…_

_I've always loved her…_

_She used to love me…_

_She said it once…_

_But then I screwed up…_

_Again and again…_

The house was quiet.

_I should have told him…_

_He thinks I'm going to leave…_

_I can't leave…_

_I just wished he loved me…._

Note from author:

I know you just want to hit them over the head with a hammer…if they were only psychic…they each expect the other to know but just won't come out with it.. Ugh! Ok, that is the author going back and reading this and seeing that I was very angsty when I wrote this! LOL I love the reviews. For the new readers or the readers coming out of the closet, please review each chapter. It's a small price I ask for writing and yes…I worship reviews…Please keep them coming! How did you like Sara when she stood up to Sofia…she just needed an incentive…never mess with a pregnant lady! They can be very protective! Take care! 

Penny


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One:**

He remained there with the door shut as the hours went by. When he came out he found her asleep on the couch. He glanced at his watch and then poured himself another drink as he sat there across from her while she slept. She woke to find him staring at her.

"Have you slept?" she asked.

"No," he said quietly.

"Are you drunk?" she asked since he still held a glass in his hand.

"Nope…would like to be though."

_Two drinks…_

_I've only had two drinks…_

"I'm going to bed," she said as she stood and hurried to the bedroom closing the door.

She sat on the edge of the bed and willed herself to breathe in and out. It had been the first time she had seen him drink so much. She was not accustomed to seeing him in that condition. The memories of her drunken father floated to the surface and she recalled the many physical fights she had witnessed between her parents until her mother had killed her father one night. 

She shivered.

She dressed for bed, curling up on her side of the bed. She closed her eyes and slept.

He tried to be quiet when he came to bed, throwing off his clothes and then plopping down in the bed. He cursed out loud when he saw that she was curled up on the edge of her side. He rolled over and pulled her back to the middle of the bed. She stirred but remained still. She wasn't prepared when she felt him on top of her. He fumbled with her gown and she started to protest until he cupped her breasts taking one into his mouth sending shivers down her back. He then lifted his head and devoured her mouth plunging deeply.

"You've been drinking," she whispered.

"I want you," he said.

He pinned her arms down and kissed her. "Remember when you told me to pin you down that day in the lab?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered.

"I wanted to take you right then and there," he said.

"Grissom…" 

"Tell me you love me," he said in a pleading voice. She closed her eyes and fought back the tears.

_You've not told me…_

"Grissom…" she tried to push him off but couldn't. She began to panic.

"You smelled so sweet that day. Your hair was curly…it had been raining…you try to hide the fact that it's naturally curly…I've always wanted you," he said leaning down to kiss her lips.

"Griss?"

"You're not taking that job."

_Please tell me you'll stay…_

_Please tell me you love me…_

_Please tell me it's not just sex to you…_

"You don't tell me what to do." He felt the pressure in his chest and he lowered his head into the pillow to stifle the sob.

"Sara…please…" His despair tore at her. .

"Grissom, you're hurting me…"

"You're hurting me," he said.

He kissed her once again and the taste of the scotch made her stomach lurch. She felt the bile begin to rise. She found herself back to another time when she was held in the same manner and she had been unable to stop the advances and the young man had taken advantage of the situation. She had lost more than her virginity that night. She struggled frantically this time.

"Stop..stop…stop…please don't hurt me…stop.." she was sobbing now.

"Sara?" he released her immediately pulling her tightly to him. "Honey, I'm sorry…so sorry..I would never hurt you on purpose.. Sara?"

She continued to sob pushing him away until she found herself in the corner of the room. She grabbed the blanket and clutched at it. Bruno came running into the room and whined. He immediately came and sat beside Sara.

Grissom grabbed his robe placing it around him as he sat down beside her and tried to take her into his arms.

"Please Sara, let me hold you…I won't hurt you," he said. He watched as she burrowed herself into the blanket and begged him to stop.

"I've stopped. I won't ever do that again. Honey, please…please let me hold you," he whispered.

She looked at him and slowly moved into his arms. He felt her tremble and he cursed. He held her there rocking her back and forth. "Sssh, it's okay. I'm so sorry honey. I never meant to scare or hurt you," he sobbed. 

"No drinking! No drinking!" she yelled between sobs.

"No drinking. I'll pour it out," he said cursing at himself as he felt his own tears.

_I keep screwing up…_

_I keep hurting her…_

_I didn't mean to hurt her…_

_She doesn't love me…_

_How could she love me…_

"Did I hurt you?' he asked. "Please Sara, I have to know…did I hurt you?"

She shook her head. His chest heaved. 

"But I scared you."

She nodded slowly.

"Why?"

"Don't ever hold me down. Don't ever pin me down…don't ever force me…"

"I would never do that!"

She hiccupped as she tried to stop the sobbing.

"Sara, has anyone ever…"

She nodded.

He had suspected it for years. All those times, he had reprimanded her verbally when she had gotten too caught up in a domestic violence or rape case. He finally discovered why domestic violence cases bothered her when she broke down one day telling him about her parents. She had never told him why rape cases bothered her and now he knew. 

_I've screwed up again._

He picked her up placing her back in the bed but held her.

He rolled so that they faced one another. 

"I'm sorry. I'll never do that again. I promise," he choked out. He wiped the tears from her face.

"Do you want to talk about…"

"No!" she said turning over to face the wall.

He felt helpless. He lay there beside her unsure if she would want him to touch her.

"Grissom?"

"Yes?"

"Would you hold me?"

His heart fluttered as he slid his body up next to hers and wrapped his arms gently about her. She rolled over and clung to him as she cried. He held her kissing and whispering softly into her ear how much he regretted doing that to her. She fell asleep in his arms.

He woke to find her still asleep. Her body lay sprawled across his. His head ached from the liquor and he swore he would never touch the stuff again. He remembered the fear in her eyes and he berated himself once more. He held her hand and kissed the palm. The memories of that night were added to his list of mistakes he had made. It scared him. 

_She'll leave for sure now…_

_I've asked her if she loves me…_

_She wouldn't say…_

_And then I had to go and hurt her…_

_I just wanted to make love to her…_

_To show her how much I love her…_

He pulled himself up and hurried into the kitchen. He started to reach for the bottle to throw it away but noticed it was already gone. He searched for it and found it already in the trash. He turned and stared at the bedroom.

_I really scared her…_

_I've really messed up this time…_

He showered trying to wash away the guilt that nagged him. He sat there and waited for her to wake but each time he only remembered her fear; it tore at his conscious. He scribbled a note and then left telling himself it would be best if he went in and worked off the frustration and contempt he had for himself.

She woke to find herself alone. She had wanted to talk with him…to explain how he had not hurt her but he had already left. She had slipped out of the bed during the night and poured out the scotch throwing the bottle away and then checking for any other alcohol.

She stood there now noticing the bottle had been removed from the trash and was now sitting on the counter. She felt guilty for doing it…knowing that he promised he would do it and now he probably was upset that she did not believe him. The smell of the alcohol had frightened her bringing back memories she had hoped were long since buried. She held her wrists. He had not hurt her but the memories of the past caused her to rub them.

She showered and then dressed, picking up around the house before finding herself out of breath and needing to sit down. She took her medicine and then ate a light meal before curling up in the chair in the study with a book. 

The hours passed and she glanced at the clock. She slipped on her shoes and decided she would attempt to have dinner with him. She drove to the lab but stopped when she saw him exit the building with Heather and then watched as they got into his vehicle and drove away.

She sat there and stared at nothing.

_He's working on a case…_

_Its business…_

_He's slept with her before…_

_She's a dominatrix…_

_Perhaps she's more his type…_

She felt the bile rise and suddenly she opened her door letting the vomit spew forth. She took deep gasps as she tried to control the nausea.

She drove home telling herself she should not jump to conclusions wiping the tears with each declaration. She sat there in the house and watched the clock. The hours passed and soon the shift was over but he did not come home. She found herself pacing now, checking her watch and then the phone for any messages and finding none.

"_Fine, if you don't want to tell me where or what you do then consider that mutual."_

His words swirled around in her head and she wondered where he was and what he was doing.

"I'm not going to do this," she said out loud. "I'm not going to put myself through this."

She fixed a light meal feeding Bruno at the same time so she would not have to eat alone. She then spent the next hour in the bathroom as her system rejected the sustenance.

She shivered.

Her phone rang and she ran to answer it.

"Sara?"

She closed her eyes and fought back the disappointment.

"Corbin?"

"You didn't respond to my letter….are you still interested?" he asked.

"I uhm…let me get back with," she said she felt the need to return to the bathroom.

"Let me know soon, okay?"

She clicked the phone as she hurried back letting it fall on the bed.

She told herself she would not listen to rumors or gossip although it was difficult when she was stuck in one of the women's stalls and Judy stood there gossiping to her friends.

"Did you see Mr. Grissom leave with that woman the other night?" asked Judy.

Rhonda laughed, "Sofia has her work cut out if she thinks she's going to get him away from Sara and already there is someone else moving in."

"I heard they have a history together," said Judy.

"I heard he's fascinated with her…always gotten her out of trouble… that's why he keeps going back to her," said Rhonda.

"Back to her? What do you know that I don't?" asked Judy.

"I heard he was sleeping with her on a regular basis until Sara got herself pregnant and snatched him. You know he's not going to be satisfied with just Sara not after he's been with someone like Lady Heather!"

"Have you seen her web site?" asked Judy.

"Too kinky for me," said Rhonda who giggled followed by Judy.

Sara sat there with her head in her hands.

Grissom sat there at Lady Heather's and felt himself nod off.

"You're tired. Why don't you lie down?" she offered.

"I don't think that we're going to find out who's been blackmailing you tonight. Brass can follow up on any leads….it really isn't anything the lab should be doing," he said as he stood.

"Yes but I trust you," she countered.

"I'm glad as long as it remains professional," he said. "I'm married…happily."

"Is that why you've not bothered to call her and she's not bothered to call you even though you keep checking your messages."

"I didn't want to wake her…she's not been feeling well," he said.

"I heard she miscarried."

Grissom's jaw twitched. He was getting tired of outsiders knowing his personal business.

"If there is no other information you can give us…"

"You married her…Sara."

"Yes, I did."

Heather smiled. "Does she…"

"Yes she does…more than I ever imagined she could."

She smiled again but leaned forward and kissed him. "Good." She then held him tight to her before releasing him. "You've always loved her…good."

"Yes, I have," he admitted and returned the smile. 

Note from author:

I read the story again this evening…it had been awhile since I had written it so I can now say for certain…angst…but it gets better…the last three chapters pure fluff…okay you know me…a little angst is thrown in there but they are united in the angst…so after having said that…hang in there with me…you know I am true to GSR. P.S. if you review quickly, we can get another chapter out of the way. 

Take care!

Penny


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

She arrived home throwing her keys on the counter and then flopping down in the chair. It had been a rough shift. The nausea had returned and she was finding it difficult to hide it. She was surprised when the door opened suddenly and they stood there face to face. She started to smile but then stopped when she noticed the lipstick on his cheek and the smell of perfume floated in the air.

She turned away to hide the hurt and suddenly she felt the first tinge of nausea. 

He stood there wanting to take her into his arms but the memory of that night made him stop his advance and instead he headed to the kitchen. The bottle still remained on the counter where he had left it after pulling it from the trash. He had meant to dispose of it and in his haste had left it there.

_Now she's leaving it there…_

_To remind me of what I did…_

_I don't need any reminders…_

_All I have to do is look at her…_

He was quiet sipping on the coffee he had made. He told himself he needed to stay awake so they could talk but he could tell she was in no mood to do so. She picked up the bottle from the counter and tossed it in the trash while he stood there and watched. She then picked up the phone and dialed her old boss.

"Corbin? It's Sara…I'm taking the job."

He stood there and stared at her.

He felt his hand tighten around the cup as she spoke with her old boss telling him she would send him further details of her arrival.

Once she was off the phone she turned and then went to the bedroom shutting the door. She pulled out a suitcase packing it with only a few things and then found herself rushing to the bathroom.

She heaved until she could not heave anymore. She wiped her mouth and then sat there trying to control the shaking. She feared he would come in, knowing that it would have been difficult for him not to have heard the vomiting but the house was quiet.

She returned to the bedroom and finished packing. She hesitantly stepped out into the living room and found that he was nowhere to be seen. She quickly opened the door and ran to the car but slowed once she noticed his vehicle was gone.

Grissom banged on the door until he answered it. He stood there and stared at him for a moment before swinging the door wide for him to enter.

"What did you do this time?' he asked.

"She's leaving," he said.

They stared at one another.

Brass was the first to speak, "When did she tell you she was leaving? When you didn't come home last night or when you came home this morning with lipstick on your cheek smelling of a dominatrix?"

Grissom reached for his cheek and cursed.

"You are so clueless. I thought when I got you married to her things would be easier…it's worse."

Grissom hurried to the bathroom and looked into the mirror, "Shit!"

"So, I take it that she told you she was leaving after you came home with the lipstick…let me guess that's Heather's shade?"

He nodded. 

"Why don't you just kick yourself in the ass so I don't have to?"

Grissom sat down but then stood up immediately and headed to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To explain…to grovel…to beg…whatever I have to do," he yelled over his shoulder.

"That's a good plan….just don't let her be near her revolver when you're trying to explain the lipstick and the perfume," he yelled back.

He sat there on the edge of the bed staring at the open drawers and the disheveled closet. He checked the bathroom and knew that she had only taken a few things so she would have to return eventually to collect the rest of her things.

He tried to call her but her phone rolled over to voicemail.

_I should have called her last night…._

_I was too embarrassed…_

_I hurt her…_

_I really hurt her…_

_Maybe it's better if she left…._

He wished he had a bottle.

He slept with Bruno. The dog whined for Sara and when she did not return, he called the dog up into the bed allowing him to lie on his side while he lay there on hers. He breathed deeply into her pillow and it helped. The pillow also helped to cover his own sobs as he lay there feeling he had lost her.

"I'm not going to give up like this," he said out loud. 

Bruno whimpered.

He petted him. "I miss her too."

She hated hotel rooms. She sat there in the bed and yet she still shivered. She got up and adjusted the heat once more before climbing back into bed. She pulled out the bag containing a veggie burger and ate slowly. Once she was done, she reached for her medicine but cursed when she realized she had left the medicine at the house.

She overslept. The wake up call jolted her from her bed and she cursed when she noticed it was an hour late. She jumped up but then sat back down when she felt lightheaded. She waited a moment and then slowly made her way to the bathroom. She ran into the lab just in time as Sofia was handing out assignments.

She tossed Sara hers without making contact and Sara tried not to hide her disgust as she was handed a decomp case. She avoided him as she headed out the door pulling up her jacket as the wind picked up.

"Sara!" he yelled.

She refused to turn around as she hurried to her vehicle getting in. She drove away despite the fact that he stood there at the door. 

It was long and tedious. She held her breath until she felt she would pass out. The officers on sight kept their distance as Doc arrived.

"Well, he's dead…really dead."

"I kind of thought he was still alive," she said as she held her nose.

"How are you holding up?" he asked.

"Just my luck to get the decomp case….I'm…" she held her breath. 

"Nausea pretty bad" he asked.

She nodded.

"Still feeling tired?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Don't over do it. You're eating and getting plenty of rest?"

She nodded.

"Is Grissom still being an ass?"

She stared at him.

"Just checking to see if you were paying attention," he chuckled as he walked away.

_Yes, Grissom is still being an ass…_

She finished the case and then headed back to the lab. She immediately hit the showers trying to rid herself of the odor. She dressed and then hurried to Sofia's office and tapped on the door.

"I uhm need to leave a little early…"

"You're needed on another case," she said without looking up.

"I'm not feeling well..."

"Don't think you can pull that with me. Unless you have a doctor statement in your hand then I suggest you pick up your assignment and get back to work."

"You know that if you had sent anyone else out there, they would have spent their entire shift finishing up. Look, I just need…"

"Are you trying to be insubordinate?" she said as she glared at Sara.

Sara bit her lower lip and then walked away. She grabbed the assignment and headed back out the door.

"Hey!" yelled Nick.

She turned and looked at him. 

"We get to work together! It's legitimate…didn't you read the report?" he asked coming closer.

"Sorry Nicky. I just got back in from a decomp case and really needed to go home," she said.

"Not feeling well?" he asked.

"I uhm left my medicine at home…I haven't taken it and I'm pretty wiped out."

_I would be wiped out with it…_

"Ride with me. We can swing by there and get it," he said.

She smiled.

She leaned her head back closing her eyes as he drove. He glanced over at her.

"What's happened?" he asked.

She quickly looked away. 

"You don't look well."

"I don't feel well."

"Why not stay at home…"

"I asked…Sofia denied the request."

He cursed.

She ran in quickly grabbing the medicine. She patted Bruno before leaving. She heard him howl as she left.

"What's wrong with the dog?" asked Nick.

"Wants Grissom," she lied.

She swallowed the medicine with some bottled water before beginning to work. As the hours passed, she yawned trying to focus on her work.

"You look tired. Getting enough rest?" he asked.

"I didn't sleep too well last night," she admitted.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something wrong with you and Grissom?" he asked.

She was silent for a moment.

"I've…left him. I stayed in a hotel room last night," she said stopping to look at him.

"What happened?"

"I uhm saw him with Heather Kessler…they were leaving together from the lab. He didn't come home after shift and never called….when he did come home, he had lipstick on him along with Heather's perfume."

"I'm sure he has a reasonable explanation."

"So do I."

"Aren't you going to let him explain?"

"The position is San Francisco has finally been approved. I start in a couple of months."

"You're leaving?"

"Yes…I am," she said between sniffles.

Nick was silent for a moment.

"I think you're making a mistake."

"I already have," she said as she got up and started to work on another area.

Note from author:

Don't worry...it will be okay. Take my word for it. I wrote it. LOL Please be kind and leave a review if you are reading this.

Take care!

Penny


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

Brass arrived on the scene at the request of Grissom and he watched as Nick and Sara worked.

"How is she?" he whispered to Nick.

"She said she's leaving…said she stayed in a hotel room last night," said Nick.

Brass nodded.

Sara stood grabbing hold of the wall as she felt her legs a bit unstable. She breathed in deeply trying to shake off the dizziness. She coughed as she stretched her aching back.

Nick watched from across the room.

"You know she looks really tired. She said she didn't get much sleep last night. She asked to leave early but Sofia refused to let her."

"Listen I'm going to step out and call Grissom. He wanted me to make sure she was okay."

"Sara?" called Nick.

"I'm going to start on this other room," she called over her shoulder as she walked along the wall.

"If you wait, I can help…Sara!"

He watched her collapse to the floor as he yelled after Brass.

"Sara?" he grabbed the bottled water and poured some over his hand as he rubbed it across her forehead and face.

She was awake immediately.

"You're going home," he said.

"Nick, I need to go home," she whispered.

It made him panic even more.

Brass was soon there as he held his phone open.

"What happened?"

"She passed out," said Nick.

"Let's get her in my car and we can take her to the emergency room…"

She was trying to get up now.

"I don't need to go to the ER," she complained.

"You're not well."

"I'm anemic and I stupidly did not take my medicine like I should…I'm run down…not sleeping well…left my husband…my dog…my home…" she began to cry.

Brass and Nick stared at one another as Grissom called for her through the phone.

"Sara, he's on the phone…he wants to talk with you," said Brass.

"I uhm…can't talk with him right now," she said as she tried to compose herself.

"Nick, take her home. I'll get Grissom to send someone else out here to finish up," said Brass.

He lifted her into his arms and she did not protest. He drove toward the townhouse when she stopped him.

"I'm not going there!" she said. "Take me back to the lab…I'll stay in a hotel…"

"Sara, you need to go home."

He stopped at a light and she opened the door causing him to grab her.

"Stop it!" he yelled.

"Take me back to the lab Nicholas now!"

He stared at her in disbelief.

"You know only my momma called me Nicholas…and it's when I was about to get a whooping."

She calmed down. "I'm sorry Nicky. I'm not going home…I need to rest. I can't do that there…we'll only fight." She turned away.

He glanced at her. "I'll go by and get your things from your car. You're staying with me. No one will bother you. I promise. You trust me right?" asked Nick.

She stared at him.

"You do, don't you?"

She nodded.

It was a bachelor pad but it was neat and clean. He insisted on giving her the bed, saying he preferred the couch anyway where the TV was located. She didn't argue, letting herself fall into bed after eating a little. She was asleep within minutes. He glanced down at his phone and he gritted his teeth the moment he read the caller ID.

"She's not coming home," he said.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Sleeping," he said.

"Is she there with you?" he asked.

"Yes…and no one is going to bother her…not even you," he said.

"Take good care of her Nicky and thank you," he said.

He left her a note along with an extra key to the apartment before leaving for work. He threatened to physically remove her from the building if she tried to come into work letting her know that Brass had already reported the incident to her supervisor who was in the process of getting reprimanded for refusing to let her leave when she told her she was ill.

It gave Sara little comfort. She looked through the fridge and determined that men from Texas ate nothing but meat. Her stomach growled. The knock on the door took her by surprise and she hesitated a moment.

"Sara?"

She sighed. It was Greg.

She opened the door and found him standing there with food in hand.

She smiled.

They ate while Greg reported the news from the lab. 

"The rumor mill has Grissom in the middle of an affair with Lady Heather while you have dumped him for your old boss in San Francisco who has offered you a better job with more money."

She did not respond.

"I think Grissom would never do that…he's weird and all but he wouldn't cheat…he's Catholic."

She made a strange face.

"Greg, Catholics commit adultery just like everyone else."

"So you're saying the rumor mill is correct?"

"You shouldn't listen to gossip," she said quietly.

"I'm not. I'm listening to you…what did he do?" he asked.

"Thanks for the food…it was really good…Nick had nothing but meat…I'm going to go lie back down," she said as she headed for the bedroom.

Greg waited until she closed the door before leaving.

_Bastard cheated on her…_

Grissom felt a bit uneasy as he handed out the assignments. Greg and Nick glared at him as Catherine sat there confused. Warrick rushed in and sat down.

"Sorry I'm late but I was having trouble with my car….hey Judy stopped me on the way in and said Sara passed out on the job last night…how is she?" he asked looking at Grissom.

Grissom was speechless.

"She's better. She was asleep when I left," said Nick.

All heads turned to Grissom.

"Any questions….about assignments?" asked Grissom.

He quickly got up and headed out the door. The others sat there and stared at one another.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Catherine.

"Sara left Grissom because he left her for Lady Heather," said Greg.

Warrick spewed his coffee. 

Nick hit Greg in the back of the head. "You see that's how rumors get started. Sara left Grissom. She's taking that job in San Francisco."

"Ouch…bet that hurt Grissom," said Catherine.

"Not as much as it did Sara," said Nick.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Warrick.

"Nothing," said Nick.

"So she's staying with you?" asked Catherine.

"As of last night…still suffering from anemia," he said.

"Figures with the vegetarian diet," said Catherine. "Of course the way Sofia has had her hopping, it's a wonder she gets to eat at all."

"I fed her before work," said Greg.

"Good, cause I wasn't sure what was in the apartment," said Nick.

"She said meat…you're a meat eater," said Greg.

Nick tapped on the door and walked in shutting it behind him.

"I'm glad you got my message," he said motioning for Nick to sit down.

"You want to explain to me who she's so adamant about not going home?"

"I drank…too much…I scared her… I hate that it happened."

"Have you ever hit her?"

"No! I would never do that! "

_She just doesn't love me…_

"It's none of my business why she left but I'm telling you if you ever hurt her…"

"Nick, do you honestly think I would hurt her?"

"No….she was just so adamant."

"She thinks I cheated."

"Did you?"

Grissom looked at him.

"No, you didn't," said Nick.

"But she thinks I did."

"I think it would be good for her to take some time off," said Nick.

"You think you can convince her?' asked Grissom.

"I'll try."

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"You think she would let me see her?"

"I'll ask but Grissom if she says no…You're not welcome."

"Thanks Nick."

"NO, I don't want to see him," she said as she sat there on the bed.

"He wants to explain."

"I don't want him to explain."

He let it drop.

"Nick, I need to pack my things from the house," she said.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then I suggest you take a week off, rest and pack a little at a time."

She took the week. Grissom received daily updates from Nick. On the third day there was no need for one as he came home and found her things boxed up. He walked through the house with Bruno by his side. When she returned the next day, she found the boxes empty and her things put back in their place.

She cursed. She packed again, this time taking the boxes with her.

He came home and cursed. When she returned the next day, she found her things back in their place after he had gone to the storage unit and returned the items.

She sat in the floor and cried. She left the items taking only her clothes.

He came home and felt hopeful until he found her closet empty of clothing and he cursed. She did not return the next day as he sat there and waited.

He sat there and cried. He boxed up the items and sent them to storage.

Give a review!


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four:**

He did not come home the next day but worked a double. He had heard she had returned to work and he avoided any contact with her. He stood there now beside Doc as he rambled on about cause of death.

"Gil?"

He stared at the body.

"Gil?"

"Hmm?"

"I heard she's leaving."

"Yes, she is."

"Gil?"

"Hmm?"

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Like shit….Has she talked with you?"

"No."

"It figures…you know women when they're…." he stopped.

"When they're what?"

"They're jealous… they get all crazy."

He nodded.

He stared at Doc who seemed nervous.

"Do you know something?" 

"I know you need to get off your ass and convince her to stay."

He nodded and then left.

"Clueless…the man is clueless," mumbled Doc.

He sat there petting the dog as the phone rang. He ignored it as it rolled over to the answering machine.

"HI, this message is for Sara. This is just a reminder that you have an appointment with Dr. Sawyer for your three month check up…please be sure to bring a list of your medicine that you are currently taking such as prenatal vitamins…and we have you down for ferrous sulfate for the anemia. Let us know if you are taking anything else. We'll see you next week at 3:00 pm."

Grissom jumped up out of seat and replayed the message. He played it over and over. 

He cursed.

_She was going to leave without telling me again…_

_Just leave…_

She heard the knock on the door and she opened it without thinking.

They stood there face to face.

"We need to talk," he said.

She stood there and stared at him feeling his anger.

"I don't think we should talk," she said. "You're angry."

"When? I've been trying to talk with you for weeks!" he said desperately.

She sighed.

Sara left the door open for him to enter.

"You got a message yesterday. I thought you might need it," he said glaring at her.

"A message?" she asked.

"Reminding you of your 3 month check up next week."

He watched as the color drained from her face.

"You weren't going to tell me, were you?" he yelled.

Nick stepped into the apartment.

"I can hear both of you all the way down the sidewalk," he said shutting the door.

They glanced at him and continued.

"I uhm… I was going to tell you after I got settled…"

"I have the right to know if you're pregnant!"

Nick stepped into the next room.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you used protection every time we had sex."

"So it was just sex to you."

Nick shut the door from the other room.

"I told you I didn't want to get pregnant."

"Are you telling me you don't want the baby?"

She slumped down into the chair and said nothing.

It angered and hurt him.

"How long have you've known?"

"Weeks," she said.

"This was mean and cruel and spiteful!" he said glaring at her.

"Just like last time…" she said with her head in her hands.

Grissom stared at her as she looked away.

"I need to go back to San Francisco," she said.

"Then we have a problem," he said as he turned and left.

She felt numb as she watched him leave. It had been hard to see him so angry.

"Sara?"

She turned to see Nick sitting across from her.

"Were you really going to leave without telling him?" asked Nick.

She sat there and stared at her hands in her lap.

"My mother and father fought all the time. My mother had dated him for a few months when she became pregnant. Her parents insisted that they marry. They offered to buy the bed and breakfast for them if they would. You see it was an embarrassment for them to have their daughter pregnant and not married. They spoke with his parents…and they pressured him into marrying my mother. He wanted someone else. He knew his parents would disown him if he divorced her…he took up drinking to pass the time away. It led to fights…really bad fights. I never really understood what it was they fought over until I was much older…it hurt to hear yourself referred to as a mistake."

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't know."

"I don't want that to happen here. Grissom never would have married me if I had never gotten pregnant in the first place. It was a …mistake." 

"Sara, look me in the eye and tell me you don't want this baby?"

She was silent for a moment. "I do want it…more than anything."

"He's angry right now. He'll calm down."

"I don't care. I'm not changing my mind. I'm leaving."

She went into work the next day ignoring the stares and whispers. Sofia seemed to be a good mood smiling at Sara as she sat there with her head down during the meeting. She kept herself busy updating her files and checking on a few cases with Hodges. She was not prepared when she found the sealed envelope in her mailbox. She saw the heading and opened it up.

It knocked the wind out of her and she sat down abruptly trying to breathe.

She waited until her shift was over before she found enough courage to go to his office. She stood at the entrance and when he glanced up she felt the urge to turn and run. She shut the door instead and sat down in the chair across from him.

"Grissom, I uhm need to go back to San Francisco. Please let me go," she whispered.

"No."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was going to tell you after my appointment."

"Why didn't you tell me immediately?"

"I thought ….I wanted to wait…to be sure," she said now biting her lower lip.

The meaning behind her words struck him and he suddenly felt regret for his harsh words the day before.

"Look, Sara…"

"I want a divorce," she said. "After the baby is born…after the baby has your name."

He stared at her. His chest tightened and he slumped down in the chair across from her.

"Why?"

"Why? Why not?"

"Because I don't want one," he said quietly.

Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the chair.

He came around to sit next to her.

"Come home. Let's talk through this…"

"Grissom…"

"Sara, I was working on a case that night. Heather has had someone blackmailing her. She contacted me. I turned it over to Brass…It was business and nothing more. Yes, she kissed me and yes you saw lipstick as well as perfume…but it was business. I would never…"

"It doesn't matter…I don't care."

"Yes, you do. If you didn't then you would not be the person I thought I married."

He sighed. "Come home. We can make this work…we were doing fine until…"

"How do you make something work that was based on a mistake?" she asked suddenly.

"I don't see it that way. Babies are not a mistake…they're a gift Sara. "

She leaned back. She was tired.

"Please," he begged as he took her hand into his.

She felt her resolve slipping.

_He won't let me leave the state…_

_I don't really want to leave…_

_I can't fight the petition…_

_I don't really want a divorce…_

_I don't want to take this baby from him…_

_I just want to crawl into bed…_

She felt herself nodding and he was surprised that she was willing to give in so easily.

"I'll need to stop by Nick's and get my things," she said.

"I can help…"

She shook her head.

He hurried home and waited for her and as the hours went by he was afraid she had changed her mind until he heard the click of the door open.

She entered slowly sitting down a bag as Bruno ran to greet her. She leaned over to pet him. He picked up her bag and took it to the bedroom. She looked around the room and remembered her things were in storage. 

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm …tired," she said.

"Have you eaten?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I could cook something…"

"I'm fine."

"Bruno missed you," he said. "I missed you."

She shivered. It was cold.

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	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five:**

He watched as she went to the bedroom and curled up on her side of the bed. He grabbed a blanket and covered her.

"I'll fix us something to eat…just rest," he said as he started to get up.

"Grissom?"

He turned to look at her.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she whispered before closing her eyes. 

"You have nothing to apologize for…I do…I'm sorry…for everything…Just rest," he said.

By the time he had fixed the dinner she was asleep. He grinned when he saw Bruno lying beside her.

He gently woke her and he offered to bring in a tray but she got up and sat down at the table. They ate as few words passed between them.

"Is Sofia still giving you a hard time?" he asked.

"She's been happy…she thinks I'm leaving for San Francisco in a month," she said.

He said nothing for awhile. He glanced at her and saw that she was still tired.

"Still having problems with anemia?"

She nodded.

"Any nausea this time?"

She nodded again.

"Sara, about the baby…"

She was up now taking her plate to the kitchen. He assisted with the dishes and then watched as she stopped in front of the couch. She glanced back and then continued to the bedroom. She had already changed and was in bed when he opened the door. He came to sit next to her.

"Would it help if I slept on the couch?" he asked.

She stared at him.

"I…just want you to get some rest. You look tired," he said.

"It's fine," she said, "if you sleep on your side."

He didn't argue. He made record time getting into bed and lay there while he felt her roll to her side. There was a slight jar and the door flew open. Bruno bounded onto the bed and sat there between them.

"He's been sleeping with me," said Grissom.

"He could…"

Grissom got up, "He takes up more than his share of the bed and he drools on the pillows. He can sleep on his bed in the floor."

Sara grinned as he reluctantly obeyed the command.

He lay there and listened for her to fall asleep. 

She lay there and listened for him to fall asleep.

Bruno slept between them.

He woke to the feel of a warm body snuggled up next to him. He rolled over and found Bruno. He glanced over and noticed she was not in bed. He grabbed his robe and found her in the kitchen sipping on some ale.

"nausea?"

She nodded.

"Hungry?"

She covered her mouth and fought off the desire to hurl.

"Perhaps later," he said.

She placed her bag of clothes in the closet, not bothering to unpack. He found it later as she showered and he unpacked it, hanging up the clothing before she had finished. He sat there on the bed and waited for her to finish. 

They exchanged glances as they passed. She opted to read a book while he took his turn at the shower. She glanced at her watch and sighed. She would have to leave soon for work. She stood there staring out into space and had not noticed that he now stood at the edge of the bed.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"I could go and get the rest of your things…"

"It's fine. I don't need them. Nick said he would drop off the other things later."

"Would you have dinner with me later?" he asked.

"I'm sure I'll be out in the field…"

"Would you?" he asked.

She nodded knowing that she had no intention of doing so.

She saw him staring her at her the moment she entered the scene but she focused on the job refusing to make eye contact. After an hour, he came and stood nearby.

"So, you're not speaking to me anymore," said Brass as he looked down at her.

"I'm working," she said.

"How've you been?" he asked.

"Fine."

"Good."

He continued to watch her.

"You know he loves you," he said leaning over.

_He's never told me…_

_And meant it…_

"It was you he wanted…he just thought that you wanted a child…he thought it would make you happy…since he doesn't seem to…he was just trying to make you happy. I know he's clueless…but he tried Sara. He really tried."

_He's not clueless…_

_I wanted a baby…_

_I'm just so scared…._

She glanced up at him but he had moved away now.

She continued to work ignoring the need to sit down and cry.

He came.

As she stared at the last room that needed to be completed, he arrived with food in hand and he stood there waiting. She glanced up and he smiled holding up the bag. 

It was a simple meal of sandwiches but it tasted wonderful. She did not realize how hungry she was until he opened the bag and laid out the food.

Sofia arrived and she entered the house looking for Sara. Brass smiled and directed her to the outside porch. 

"Sara…" she stopped when she saw Grissom sitting there with her.

They looked up to see her standing there.

"Is there something you want?" asked Sara.

"An explanation. Personnel called me and told me that I was to get a medical statement from your physician before sending you out on any…wait let me guess, you're pregnant again?" she said.

Sara stared at Grissom.

"Yes, she is," said Grissom. "I took the liberty of notifying personnel so there is not a repeat of what happened last time. I won't put up with it."

"The only problem we had…" began Sofia.

"I'm getting back to work," said Sara as she started to pass Sofia.

"I take it this means you are not going to San Francisco…of course it means that…you probably never intended…"

"That is none of your business Sofia," snarled Grissom.

"Yes, it is," she said. "I need to know if I will need to find a replacement."

"I would be looking for one," said Sara.

Grissom glanced at her but said nothing. He cleaned up and then left.

Sofia stood there and smiled. "All is not well in the Grissom household."

He cursed when he had to work a double. She had come and gone in the house without any sign of her. He picked up some paperwork throwing it into his briefcase as Nick walked in.

"Can I talk with you for a moment," he asked. "It's about Sara."

Grissom turned and sat down.

"I'm not sure how much you know about her parents," he began. "Grissom, she thinks the only reason you married her was because she was pregnant. She doesn't believe you would have….you've got to admit, she's been waiting a long time for you to…Sara's parents had to get married…because of her. They fought all the time because of it…Sara heard them."

It hit him like a ton of bricks.

_She thinks we'll turn out like them…_

_Hating each other…_

_Her mother killed her father…_

"Thanks Nick. It explains some things."

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"You do love her, don't you?"

"Yes…I do."

"Then tell her."

"I'm not sure she would believe me."

"Then show her."

He nodded.

"Oh and Grissom, she wants this baby…more than you know. I think it scares her…she's afraid she might have another miscarriage."

He lay there in bed and tried to sleep but he couldn't. He knew that she was awake because he had felt her shoulders shake a few times despite how hard she tried to hide the tears.

"Sara?"

She did not reply.

"Are you worried about the doctor appointment?"

"Yes."

_You do want the baby…_

"Me too."

He felt her side of the bed shake. He had kept his distance each time they had managed to find themselves in bed together. Although he had longed for her to come to him, she no longer did that. He rolled over until he was close enough to feel the heat from her body and whispered softly, "I'm here, Sara. Don't be afraid. I'm here."

Her shoulders shook as he felt her lean back into his body. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She slowly rolled over until they were facing each other.

"Could I go with you?" he asked.

She nodded.

He slept better than he had in weeks. Their legs were wrapped up together as one. He woke to her head on his chest and he breathed in deeply. He loved the smell of her hair. He found himself stroking it as she slept. She gradually woke to the feel of his hand on her hair and she lay there letting him comfort her. She felt him lean down and kiss her forehead. His other hand then stroked the side of her arm and she felt a slight shiver go down her back. 

The room was dark as the curtains were drawn keeping out the notion that it was daylight. Her lips sought his and she matched his hunger as they quickly divested each other of any clothing. He waited for her to take the lead letting her hands roam down his body forcing him to remain very still. He was not prepared to feel the featherlike kisses trail from his lips past his chest and stop just above his midsection. Their lovemaking was slow and gentle. When they were finished they lay on their side of the bed and he missed having her body so close to his. He rolled over to his side as she did the same. They stared into the darkness at one another.

He felt her hand on his chest as his came to rest on her waist. They inched closer until they were together once more. He kissed her forehead and he stroked her head until she fell asleep.

She was not aware that she was trembling until he reached over and placed his jacket around her shoulders. He pulled her hand into his and refused to let go of it when she was called. They sat there remembering the routine and watched for any sign from the nurse or the doctor if there was something wrong. She stared in disbelief when they handed her the card for her next appointment. He smiled at her. She smiled at him. They smiled together.

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	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six:**

She ignored Sofia's stares of contempt when she handed her the medical statement with the restrictions. She turned and felt a slight grin come across her face which spread from one end of her mouth clear to the other side until she knew that she was smiling from ear to ear. She ignored the whispers and the stares as she found herself feeling better than she had in months. She joked with Greg and even took them up on eating at the diner. 

She didn't even mind when Grissom came and purposely made Greg move so he could sit next to her. She felt his hand as it rubbed her shoulders and back while he looked at a menu. She felt her hand glide down and purposely settle on his knee causing him to pull her closer to him. The others pretended not to notice but Nick seemed particularly happy about the exchange.

Days turned into a week and then another. They found themselves working together one night when a casino bus flipped sending several passengers airborne resulting in the deaths of several passengers. The swing shift had been called in to help with graveyard. It had been awhile since they had been able to work together and he smiled when she came to assist him.

"This is going to be a long night…I think Bruno may be staying with the sitter for a bit longer," said Sara.

"His loss is my gain," smiled Grissom.

She returned the smile.

It warmed him. He saw a glimpse of the old Sara.

They continued to work for several hours until the sky threatened with rain. They hurried and finished just as the rain began to pour. She rode back with him checking in the evidence and then left for home. 

"Do you think we should try to get Bruno before…" he stopped to look at her. "Sara?"

She held her side a moment. "I think I.."

She stopped as she felt the cramp causing her to grab for his arm.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Cramp," she said. She stood still, afraid to move.

"Better?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Grissom…I think I'm having a miscarriage," she said as she tried to conceal the pain.

"I'm going to carry you to the car…okay?"

She nodded.

He watched as her knuckles turned white each time she prepared for the pain.

"Not much further," he said trying to comfort her as best as he could.

He argued with them when they refused to let him go back with her and he paced in the waiting room. He thought he should call someone but there was no news and so he continued to pace. A doctor came an hour later leading him over to a chair and asking him to sit. He did not like the gesture for he knew that it was usually followed by bad news. She miscarried. They were not sure why but now she was no longer pregnant and he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for putting her through this hell when she had not wanted to get pregnant again. He insisted on sitting with her even though it was unlikely that she would wake for several hours. He sat there holding her hand.

She felt something hard across of her body and she tried to move but it would not budge. She opened her eyes to find his arm draped across her body as his head lay there on the edge of the bed.

_He's going to be stiff lying like that…_

_He shouldn't stay…_

_There's no reason…_

_I'm fine…_

_I feel fine…_

He sat up the minute he realized she was awake.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Good. There's no more cramping," she said.

"Sara…"

"What's wrong?"

He was quiet.

She was quiet.

She refused to rest as was recommended. They had spoken about everything except the loss. She sat there on the back deck with Bruno. He watched from a distance as he had done for a week now. With each glance, he had tried to find the words that would ease the pain but instead he found himself talking about Bruno or cases or the lab or anything but what needed to be said. He stared at the calendar in his office as he left each day and wondered if she would still leave. The time was approaching and yet he could not bring himself to ask her. He feared the answer as her things remained packed.

He had offered several times to return the things to their rightful place but she had not accepted the offer and so he had not pushed but now as he sat there that morning he suddenly felt the need to push. He felt her distancing herself despite his attempts to return to the way they were before the miscarriage.

He cursed inwardly. 

_Why is it so hard for me to tell her…_

_I have my own demons…_

_M y own hellish memories…_

_But even still…._

He wasn't sure if he was meant to see the notes of the flight arrangement but he could not seem to keep himself from flipping through the notepad left on the counter and there they were. 

_Two days…._

_She'll be gone it two days…_

He sat there in the chair and told himself to breathe in and out as he told himself he needed to just say it.

_Better to say it than to never let her know…_

_But she knows…_

_She has to know…_

_Doesn't she?_

He was still sitting there when she came through the door. His expression worried her as she reset the alarm and then petted Bruno.

"I thought we could bring your things back today. I could do it for you…if you're tired."

She said nothing but walked over and let Bruno out into the back yard. She stood at the window and watched him. She felt him behind her as she remained still.

"Sara, you know I've never been good at….I've never been able to…I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to say this…I wanted you….I've always wanted you…I just never thought I could have you. I won't lie to you and tell you I didn't want the baby…I did. When we lost the baby, I didn't know how to help you heal. You didn't trust me anymore…but then you did again and I just wanted to give you back what you had lost…to remove the pain. This is my fault. I thought if you were pregnant then you wouldn't seem so sad but then you told me you didn't want another child and so…but it was too late. You were pregnant already. This is my fault…this pain. I caused it. I just wanted to…show you how much I…I want you to be happy. I don't seem to make you happy…it was just another one of my fears."

Her back suddenly felt cool as she felt him step away. She wanted to feel his arms about her but now he was across the room and she knew that he was leaving. She heard the door open and her heart screamed for her to turn and stop him but she remained fixed to the window, her limbs unable to respond to her request.

"Sara?"

She felt her heart flutter as she turned and looked at him.

"Do whatever makes you happy…even if it means going to San Francisco. Take Bruno. He howled and whined when you left last time. He would be happier with you."

She watched as he started to step out the door and she turned away not wanting to watch him leave.

"Sara? I love you. I think I've loved you forever," he said before shutting the door.

She felt her body slip to the floor as she sat there and cried.

_He knows I'm leaving…_

_He knows I'll be gone when he comes home…_

He said little to anyone as he worked the scene. They had offered dinner at the diner but he had declined preferring to sit alone in his office as he watched the hands turn round the clock. He had finished all of the mail in the inbox and now he pulled out his book and flipped to the place where the bookmark sat. The words were usually comforting but he found none today. He found himself glancing at the clock and was relieved when Brass arrived with another case.

He worked a double not bothering to pull in the others but preferred to work alone. It would take him twice as long but he didn't mind. There was no one waiting for him not even the dog now so there was no rush.

He meticulously collected the evidence and was disappointed when he finished in six hours. He returned to the lab and checked his inbox.

_Nothing…_

_Nothing in the inbox…_

_No cases…_

_No Bruno…_

_No Sara…._

_No Sara…_

He drove by the park and sat there on the bench watching the others. It was a warm day and the sun felt good. He had not felt it in such a long time. He told himself he should go home but he could not bring himself to face the emptiness of it all and so he sat there for another hour. 

He pulled into the driveway and stared at the house. He remembered the day he purchased it. He told himself as he signed the papers he would convince her to come to Vegas and once she did he would tell her how he felt.

_She came…._

_But I never told her…._

_Never been able to just say those words…_

_Not even to her…._

He checked his watch and told himself her flight should have already landed in San Francisco.

_Nice day to fly…._

_No bad weather…_

_She's gone…_

He stepped through the door and was immediately met by Bruno. He petted him on his head. He looked around as if she would be standing behind him. His tail tapped on the floor as he panted in anticipation for her.

"I'm sorry Bruno. I thought she at least loved you…I'm sorry."

He felt the bottle in his hand. He hadn't even recalled when he had purchased it that evening and he set it on the counter.

_Can drink whenever I want to now…_

_She won't be here…._

He got out a glass dropping a few ice cubes into it before filling it. He then stood and stared at the dog who sat patiently at the door.

"Bruno, she's not coming back this time," he said.

The dog remained fixed to the door. He sat there as if he were willing it to open.

"Bruno, she's not coming back!" he yelled.

Bruno whined.

"Come, Bruno" he called.

He refused. He sat there not budging.

_Stupid dog…._

_Never should have fallen in love with her…_

_She never cared…._

He opened the back door and stepped out onto the deck. He sat there on the steps and expected Bruno to join him but instead he remained at the door.

_He'll get over her…_

_Just give him some time…_

_Just like I will…_

_Hell…._

_I'll never get over her…_

He heard the alarm go off and he cursed. 

_Didn't reset it correctly…_

He stood and returned to the front door. He punched in the code and then started to walk away when he saw her standing there in the livingroom.

"Sara?"

"I went to get my things from storage. I uhm…decided to stay," she said.

"Why?"

"I love you Grissom. I think I've loved you forever," she whispered.

Note from author:

Fluff for the last three chapters….yep get ready to drown in it. I have released all of these chapters because frankly the angst was killing everyone…so sorry..so very sorry…but this means I expect a review for each chapter. NOW, please do not disappoint me!

Take care!

Penny


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven:**

He crossed the room in two strides taking her into his arms.

"Don't ever leave me again…you hear me? Don't ever leave…us again," he said gruffly.

"I would never leave Bruno. I told him I would be back. I told him to wait," she said.

"He did."

"I love you, Sara. I love you… just you," he said pulling her tight.

She thought she believed him this time.

It was a start.

She stared at the bottle that sat on the counter and he started to pour it out but she stopped him.

"I trust you," she said.

He thought he believed her this time.

It was a start.

She glanced at her watch and sighed. "I have to go in…Sofia was pretty pissed that I didn't leave."

"To hell with Sofia….she can leave," he said as he kissed her once more.

She found herself smiling the moment she saw the plant with the bow wrapped around it. She pulled off the card and smiled. 

_Love Gil…._

_Last time it just had his last name…._

_It's my last name…_

_Our last name…_

He sat down with the others in the conference room and opened his notebook to hand out assignments. It made him smile when he saw the small note left inside.

_Love you too, Sara…_

He put the note in his pocket as he began the meeting. From time to time he slipped his hand into the pocket and caressed the note.

_She loves me too…_

He stared around the room. He swallowed hard noticing her things now back in their place. Bruno sat out on the deck stretched out asleep. 

He found her curled up on his side of the bed. Her arms wrapped around his pillow in a tight embrace. He sat there on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep. She opened her eyes and stared at him.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey."

"I liked the plant," she said.

"I liked the note," he said.

They smiled at one another.

She knew he had something that needed to be said and she waited for him to begin. He had started several times but then stopped and changed the topic. It bothered her that the old insecurities resurfaced and she felt the dread of the conversation.

_He wanted me to stay…_

_He loves me…_

_Just me…_

_What if he wants a child…_

_What if this is what it's all been about…_

"Sara, I need to ask you something," he said suddenly.

She felt the dread creep up until she thought she was going to flee.

"We…never had a honeymoon…would you want to go somewhere?" he asked.

She stared at him in disbelief. 

"Is this what you've been trying to talk with me about?" she asked softly.

"I'm sorry. I just thought…"

She sighed out loud.

"What did you think it was about?" he asked sensing relief spread across her body.

She did not reply.

_You thought I was going to ask about having another child…_

He pulled her into an embrace. "Honeymoon?" he asked again. "Just you and me?"

She shook her head.

She could see the disappointment on his face.

"Just you and me and Bruno."

He smiled.

She sat across from him as he refused to look at the road map she handed to him.

"Grissom, are you sure you know where you're going?" she asked.

"Nope but as long as Vegas is in our rearview mirror then we're headed in the right direction," he said with a grin.

She grinned also.

They stopped along the side of the road to let Bruno out for a break. She stood and stretched her legs.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Good," he said.

"Liar," she said.

"I'm tired but we're almost there," he said.

It piqued her curiosity. She looked around.

He grinned.

"You know most couples decide on their honeymoon together," she said.

He said nothing.

"I…don't mind…I would just like to know where we're going," she said quickly.

"It's a surprise," he said.

_It had better not be a body farm…_

He drove up to the house and smiled.

"We're here."

She stopped and stared.

_It's a house…_

_A house in the country…_

_A farm house…_

_I'm confused…_

He pulled her out of the car and began unloading.

He pulled out his keys and then unlocked the door. She immediately noticed the key. It was not new. She had seen it on his key ring for months.

"My aunt and uncle used to live here," he said. "They died several years ago and left it to me," he said.

_A part of his past…_

_He's sharing part of himself…_

"I like it," she said. "We always lived in town. I always dreamed of living in the country."

_Neighbors never would have heard the fighting…_

_The screams…_

_See me running out of the house in the middle of the night when it got too bad…_

_Seeing the ambulance and police as they took my father's body out…_

"Sara?"

"Hmm?"

"You okay?"

"That depends. Are you cooking tonight or me?" she asked.

"Neither."

She frowned.

"There's a wonderful diner in town," he said.

She walked inside and found herself staring at the pictures on the walls. She found a few of a small boy with the same devilish grin and she asked, "Is that you?"

He stopped and looked. "Yes. That's my aunt and uncle."

They looked much older, more like grandparents than just an aunt or uncle.

"He was my father's brother," he said.

She sensed the change in his tone.

"He was nothing like my father," said Grissom.

"You didn't like him?" she asked without thinking.

"I loved him…more than my father."

His honesty caught her by surprise.

They unpacked and then he led her on a tour of the house followed by the barn. It had seen better days but now she was seeing it through Grissom's eyes, he smiled. "I loved this barn growing up."

She smiled.

"What were you like back then?" she asked.

"Awkward…very awkward. I never fit in. I was always different than the other kids. I hated school."

It surprised her.

_I loved school… it got me away from them…_

"Why?"

"I didn't fit in," he said. "I was known as the child with the deaf mother."

"There's worst," she said without thinking.

He looked at her.

"I was known as the girl whose mother killed her father."

He pulled her further into the barn.

"My uncle used to pile a bunch of hay here and I would climb up there and jump off into it. That's where I got the scar…it scared my aunt to death."

"I thought you didn't like heights?" she asked.

"I don't…but here I was never afraid of anything."

_Don't ask…_

_Don't ask…_

_Don't make him tell you…_

_Don't bring it up…_

"What were you afraid of?"

"Being abandoned," he said the smile now gone from his face.

"Abandoned?"

"My father was not prepared when my mother began to lose her hearing. He sent her to all kinds of specialists but there wasn't anything that could be done. She was going deaf and there was nothing he could but accept it."

"Did he?"

"He left."

"Left?"

"He came home early one day and I found him packing. I wasn't supposed to be home but I had gotten sick at school and walked home. He told me he was going away for awhile but he would be back. I suddenly found myself afraid. I didn't want him to leave. I begged him to stay. He told me to wait and he would return. I waited but he never did. I remember telling him I loved him…I don't think I ever said that to another person until that day in the hotel room with you…I was afraid that day…for me and you."

She felt her heart skip a beat.

_He just didn't want to be hurt again…_

_To say it and have it discarded like…_

"I'm sorry Grissom. I didn't know." She said coming to stand close to him.

He nodded and turned away.

"My mother and father had to get married…my mother got pregnant and their families forced them to get married because of me. I was a mistake…"

"You were never a mistake," he said kissing away the tear that slipped down her cheek.

"When I got pregnant, I thought…"

"That I had married you just because of the baby? Sara, I've wanted to tell you how much I wanted you ever since I met you in San Francisco. You were all I could think about after I came back."

He pulled her down and they sat down on a bench. 

"Do you ever wonder why I purchased such a big house?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I purchased it with you in mind. Room for you to have a flower garden and a big back yard for…" he stopped.

"For children," she finished.

"Yes. In case you wanted children. Sara, look at my age. Most men my age are already grandparents or their children are in college. I just wanted you but then …"

"Then what? Why did you never…"

"I inherited…I found myself going deaf…just like my mother," he said.

"But…you can hear…even when I don't want you to…"

He grinned. "I know. I took a leave of absence so I could have surgery…there are more options now than when my mother…I was fortunate."

"I'm sorry I never knew. We just thought you took some time off because you were burned out. Catherine knew, didn't she?"

"Only because I had to leave someone in charge."

"Your hearing…"

"Is fine."

"It wouldn't have mattered….to me," she said.

He kissed her. "I know that now…I didn't back then."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight:**

They went into town and had dinner. It was a small diner but the food was very good and they spent some time walking around in town finding themselves at the small park near the courthouse.

He held her hand while they sat on the park bench.

"I used to come here sometimes," he said. "Uncle Frank would come into town for supplies and I would come here and sit."

"How often did you visit with them?" she asked.

"My mother had a difficult time when she went completely deaf…it was just a month after my father left."

She saw a flash of pain cross his face.

"You don't have to…"

He kissed her on the forehead.

"My mother never really had any family who were very supportive. After father left, Uncle Frank came to visit. He insisted on getting my mother into a program for the deaf. She refused to go because of me. He brought me here."

He stood and leaned against a tree.

"I didn't understand…I thought she was sending me away. I thought …"

"She didn't love you anymore…that she was abandoning you too?"

"Yes. I was angry for a long time. She would write but I wouldn't read the letters," he said. "I hurt her very deeply."

"But you were just a boy…a frightened boy."

"Yes I was. I didn't fit in at home and I didn't fit in here," he said.

"But you have such fond memories here…" she began.

"Thanks to Uncle Frank. He was determined to make me fit in whether I wanted to or not."

She smiled.

"He made me go to public school. I ran away twice. I remember walking down that dirt road and he would be following right behind me in his pickup truck. When I finally grew so tired I had to stop, he came and picked me up. I kicked and screamed and called him some pretty awful names…good thing my mother didn't hear it…she would have tanned my hide but she was deaf and I was alone and scared."

"Sounds like your aunt and uncle loved you very much," she said.

"They did. I realized that eventually. The first day he sent me to school he sat out there in his pickup and waited for me all day. I never knew until years later when he told me. He was scared too. I finally made friends. I became very popular with even the girls…tutoring some. My smarts finally benefited me."

She grinned.

_I bet you were really smart…_

_The girls probably had a crush on you…_

_I would have…_

_To have that grin flashed my way…_

"How long did you stay with them?"

"About six months…best six months of my life. I almost felt normal…two parents…house with a barn full of animals…then she came to visit."

"Your mother?"

He nodded.

"She had learned to read lips although she had picked up some of it anyway as her hearing began to fail. She learned sign and felt better about her job again. She came to take me home," he said.

"It must have been hard for you…"

He nodded. "I didn't want to leave. I was just feeling good about things again. She told me about the divorce…it hurt Uncle Frank. He had helped raise my father when their father died suddenly. He expected more from him I think although he never said an unkind word about him. He should have. I did. He just left and never called, wrote or…he didn't want me but Uncle Frank and Aunt Mary did. They had wanted kids."

"Did they have kids?"

"No. They never did. I just thought that it was meant to be…me and them but then she came and I was headed back to the city."

They continued to talk on the drive back.

"Did you go back with her?" she asked.

"Not at first. I refused. I think it broke my mother's heart. I can still see the look on her face when I told her I hated her."

Sara's head jerked around. 

_I remembered the look on your face when I said that to you…_

"You didn't mean it," she said.

"Did you? When you said it to me?"

She was silent for a moment.

"Yes. At the moment I did….I was hurt," she said. "That's no excuse. I'm sorry. I don't think I ever told you how sorry I am that I did that."

He squeezed her hand.

"That's what I eventually told my mom…some time later."

"Did it make her feel better?"

"Yes." 

_Not really…_

_I just don't want you to feel any more pain from me…_

"She was going to leave me here…I heard her telling Uncle Frank and I got excited. I thought I was going to get to stay but then he said I couldn't stay. I remember hearing Aunt Mary crying later on the front porch. My bedroom was just about the porch. I often slept with the window open. It made me mad when Uncle Frank said that. I thought he was just like my father. He says he loves me and then…"

"You felt you were being abandoned again."

He nodded.

They now sat in the porch swing.

"I heard my uncle tell her that mom was all alone and they should be not selfish. They had each other. He said my mother did what they had asked her to do…get her life in order so she could care for her son. It bothered me to hear them…it bothered me more to hear my mother crying in the room across the hall. I remember tapping on the door and then realizing she couldn't hear me. I went inside and she was packing. I turned and went back to my room and packed. She was surprised when I brought my suitcase in and set it beside hers. She shook her head and pushed me toward the door but I refused to go. I remember trying to talk with her but I was crying and she couldn't read my lips. She got up and left the room. I found a book of sign sitting on her nightstand and I took it. I went back to my room and sat there going through the book. I stayed up all night learning to sign."

"I bet you were a fast learner."

"I just wanted to talk with her again."

She leaned her head down on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. It felt comforting.

"She spent all night trying to convince my uncle to let me stay. He wouldn't budge. He said I needed her. He was right. I did. I needed her as much as she needed me. I remember her standing there by the railing when I came out onto the porch and signed to her."

"What did you sign?"

"I was proud of her…I was ready to go home….and I loved her."

Sara wiped at her eyes as he did the same.

"Did you ever come back here?"

"Every summer until we moved further away and then I was in college and I never got back here until the funeral."

"Oh."

"My father's funeral," he clarified. "I was bitter and hurt and…Uncle Frank wanted me to come back here for a visit. I did. It helped. It always did. Whenever I find myself feeling…I think of this place. This was my sanctuary growing up…knowing that if I ever felt…I just could come here."

"It's good that you have a place like this," she said.

"We…we have a place like this," he corrected. It made her smile.

It had been a long day and they fell into bed while Bruno slept on the front porch. She turned and stared at him. 

"Does it seem odd that I'm here with you?" she whispered.

"It seems odd that I'm about to make love to my wife in their bed," he said. 

She giggled as he felt her pulling off her gown and he began to discard his own clothing. He made love to her, not bothering to pull the covers over them as a slight breeze blew the curtains making soft shadows on the walls. 

She felt different. He had brought her to a special place and had shared his past with her. She felt loved. She curled her body up next to him and slept.

She smelled coffee and rolled over to find the bed empty. She glanced around and could not locate her robe. She grabbed his shirt and quickly buttoned it before heading downstairs. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and smiled when he turned to see her standing there.

"I was going to send Bruno up soon," he said with a grin.

"Sorry…it must be the fresh air. I never slept so well," she said as she stretched causing the shirt to expose her lower half and he grinned.

"You look good in my shirt…too good," he said as he came to stand in front of her.

"What would you like to do today?" he asked.

"A walk along the lake and then maybe a picnic lunch outside?" she asked as she yawned.

"Breakfast?" he asked.

"Waffles?" she asked.

"I was hoping you would ask for those. I've been starving," he said.

"You should have eaten without me," she said coming down to take a seat in the kitchen.

"This is our honeymoon. We're supposed to do everything together," he said as he started on making the waffles.

"Do you wish we had gone somewhere else?" he asked suddenly.

"I couldn't think of a better place," she said as she grinned at him.

It made him feel good.

Their walk consisted of more stories about his childhood. She sat and listened intently as he talked. They sat down under the tree in the grass.

"Sara?"

"Hmm?" she said as he lay down looking up at the branches on the tree.

"What was your childhood like?"

She was glad she was lying down as the air left her lungs and she breathed in deeply.

"You know about my parents…what happened to them…"

"How did you…"

"I learned to disappear. When my father would drink, my mother and I both did. She would suddenly slip out of the house while I hid in the attic or ran off to the library." He found himself beside her as she talked.

"The attic was my sanctuary…it was cold in the winter but it was safe…they never thought to look for me there. I also liked the library but it wasn't always open. When I went into foster care, I learned the rules….you had to if you knew you were going to be there for a long time. I knew I was. Mom wasn't going to get out anytime soon and no one wanted…my grandparents didn't want to be bothered with me…they make them marry because of me and yet they don't even want anything to do with me. I was moved around a lot. I didn't fit in…I wasn't like the others. The other kids felt threatened because I…"

"You were smart?"

She nodded.

"I understand," he said.

"I was finally moved to this one home but I was determined to be sent back to the group home. I could disappear among the other kids and not be noticed…I don't know how many times I screwed up and expected to be sent back but they held firm and kept me….even when…" she stopped, rolling over to lie on her stomach so that he could not see her eyes.

"Did something happen?"

"It was my eighteenth birthday. My foster parents were planning to take me out to dinner in celebration. I was scared…really scared."

"Why?"

"Because when you turn eighteen, you're on your own. I was waiting for them to tell me it was time to leave and this time I would not have the state as a safety net. You were legally on your own at that age."

He felt her tense.

_You must have been so afraid…_

_Not having anyone…_

_Not sure who to trust…_

"Johnny Martin lived down the street…we went to school together. He was okay. He used to come by the house and we would sit and talk. One day he asked me out and I was excited…no one had asked me out before. I didn't know that he had learned about my past. He thought that all foster girls were loose…sexually active."

She breathed in deeply and she felt his hand on her back.

"His parents were gone for the weekend and so we went to the movies. I thought he was walking me back to my house but he stopped and asked me in…telling me he wanted me to see his room. I was so naive. I went inside. He immediately went to his father's bar and pulled out a bottle and handed me a beer. It was my first. I took one sip and wanted to spit it out but I didn't. I swallowed it and then another. We went upstairs and as I was looking around his room, I found myself being pushed onto the bed and then…"

"You don't have to finish this," he said. "I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean to bring this up…"

"It's fine, really. I want you to know…you need to know. I couldn't push him off…it's why I don't like to be held down. I lost my virginity to him…I lost a lot more."

"What do you mean?"

"When it was over, I ran home and hid upstairs in the attic. My parents thought I had run away. They looked for days…the police told them that I probably had just decided to run since I was now of legal age. Johnny told them I had said I wanted to leave."

He sat up pulling her to him. "How long were you…"

"Three days."

He held her as they sat there quietly.

"My foster mother heard me one night. I was crying…she came and found me. I still had on the same clothes from that day and she…I hated the hospital. It was cold."

He held her tighter.

"My foster father wanted to kill him."

_Me too._

"He was a minor…seventeen…not eighteen. I was. He told them I had seduced him…making him bring me to his home and offering the alcohol. He said I wanted him to give me money so I could leave town and if he didn't I would tell everyone he had raped me."

He sucked in air. He didn't want to ask what happened. His gut telling him they did not believe her.

"I was the foster child whose mother killed her father. They believed the star athlete of the football team. His father was the principal of our school. His mother taught Sunday school."

_I'm so sorry Sara…_

_So sorry…_

"I packed my things and found myself with no place to go and no one to come and get me. My foster mom unpacked my things and we did this for several days until my foster father decided it would be best if we moved. I felt awful. They had lived there for twenty years and here they were moving because of some sixteen year old girl came to live with them and they chose…"

"They chose to love you," he said.

She nodded.

"Only time I ever felt loved by anyone until…Nick…and then you."

He grinned. "I'm glad my name was included."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine:**

She stared at the townhouse dropping the suitcase and letting it thud to the floor. Bruno whined to go outside so she opened the back door and he quickly ran outside.

Grissom followed her inside and stared at the living room.

"Does something look different?" he asked.

"No."

"You're just staring," he said.

"It seems so long ago that we were here," she said. "We were only gone two weeks but it feels…"

"Like we've been gone for a month?" he asked.

She nodded.

"I have the same feeling. Time seems to move slower at the farm," he said. "We need to get back there soon."

She nodded again.

"Shift starts soon," he said.

She nodded again.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"You could switch to days," he said. "You would be away from Sofia."

"Yes, but then I wouldn't get to work with any of you."

"Yes, but you wouldn't have to be looking over your shoulder all the time…"

"I have no intention of letting Sofia bother me anymore."

He grinned.

_My money is on Sara…_

"That's my girl," he said pulling her into his arms.

He stared at the bedroom.

"What?"

"Our honeymoon is over," he said.

"Who says it has to be…some couples consider the first year as the honeymoon."

"I like that idea," he said lifting her into his arms and carrying her to the bedroom as she giggled. Bruno sat at the window and barked.

She smiled when she greeted everyone at the lab. The guys had made a point of coming in early so they could welcome them back.

"You look great," said Nick.

"I feel great," she said as she smiled at Grissom.

They others noticed the exchange.

"You want to eat at the diner later?" asked Greg.

"That would be great," said Sara.

She leaned over and kissed Grissom on the cheek as she walked away. It made him blush but he smiled and headed to his office.

"Must have been some honeymoon," said Catherine.

"They didn't have Sofia, Heather or this job to interfere," said Warrick.

"Let's hope the romance continues," said Brass.

_Then maybe I could get some sleep at night…_

_She did look great…_

_Really great…_

_It's about time…_

_I think he's finally got it right…_

She sat there in the meeting with a smile on her face. It was not shared with Sofia. She tossed out the assignments and waited for her reaction but she didn't mind. She picked up the assignment and headed out.

"There won't be anyone to assist," Sofia called to her. "We've all been pretty busy while you've been on vacation."

She worked the double homicide on her own as Brass stood nearby.

"Let me guess, the wicked witch of the west sent you out here on your own," he said.

"It would appear so but you know what, I don't care. When I'm finished I'm going to dinner with my husband," she said with a smile.

He smiled back. He chuckled. He sat there and had a long laugh imagining how angry Sofia was over Sara's happiness. He wiped his eyes.

She missed dinner with him but she did not mind when she felt him slide under the covers next to her. He slowly made love to her.

"Sorry about dinner," she said.

"Hard shift?"

"Double homicide…worked solo."

"Sara…"

"I have a plan. She's playing right into it," she said as she yawned.

"Don't overdo it," he said.

"Would you mind…"

He made love to her again.

She sat at her desk and smiled at the bouquet of flowers on her desk.

_He never sent me flowers before…_

She pulled out the card and smiled.

_Sara,_

_Tonight…dinner…then…_

_Love,_

_Gil_

He had become quite the romantic these days leaving notes throughout the house. She grinned when she recalled finding one stuck in between her panties and then a matching note in bras. She had retaliated with leaving them as well. Notes were now hidden throughout the house.

She ignored Sofia as she came and threw down an assignment and walked away. She glanced down at it and grinned. She took the assignment and went to the front board and signed out, noting 'solo' again as she headed out the door. 

She arrived on the scene and looked around but there was no officer on site. She picked up her phone and called Brass.

"Jim, there's no officer out here."

"Stay put. Do not enter the crime scene until I get there."

She sat there and soon he drove up.

"Let me guess…"

"It's fine."

"How long are you going to take this crap?" he asked. "You've worked solo all week." 

"I have a plan," she said getting out of the vehicle.

He stopped her as a sound came from inside. He pulled his revolver as she did the same. He called for backup as he entered motioning for Sara to stay behind. There was a flurry of motion as several persons ran inside. Sara was pushed back out by Brass as the backup arrived. They hurried inside. Sara stood there nervously as she waited for Brass to return outside. The sound of gunfire made her retreat to her vehicle and she stood behind the car door.

_Please let him be okay…_

_Please let him be okay…_

_Please…_

She was relieved when she saw an officer come out the door. He was calling for additional back up and for an ambulance.

Sara's stomach lurched.

She held her breath as she waited for an okay to enter the building.

She jumped when her phone rang.

"Sara?"

The sound of gun fire erupted again and she ducked down.

"Sara!"

"I'm okay…I'm outside. Brass is inside with some other others…I'm scared Grissom….someone's been shot."

"Stay there. Don't try to go inside…who's with you?"

"I was working solo…Gil, there was no police officer again. I called Brass and he came out. I'm glad he did."

She heard him curse.

"I'm coming out there," he said.

She did not object.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Brass is going to be fine."

She was quiet.

"He knows you love him," he said.

"I need to tell him."

"Yes, you do."

He arrived to find them leaning against the car. She was tightly wrapped in the crook of his arm as they talked and laughed. He sat there a moment and watched.

She looked up and saw him. She smiled.

He worked the site with her glancing around from time to time at the number of bullet holes that splattered the walls.

"You could have been in here," he said between clenched teeth.

"I wasn't. I'm not about to go into a site that Sofia has sent me to alone."

"This has gone on long enough," he said.

"Yes, it is."

They both looked up to see Ecklie standing there.

"Thanks for coming out," she said.

"Sara came to me when she returned and told me what Sofia has been doing. I've been keeping an eye on the board as well as the assignments. Sara's had more than anyone and there is no coincidence that she's been sent out to work solo on just about every assignment…this was inexcusable. You never send someone out solo knowing the officer has no intention of staying. Sofia has been reprimanded for this before. This was no accident. It was intentional."

"I agree," said Grissom. "Sara is not going to work under these conditions."

"She's not. I fired Sofia an hour ago. We'll have to find a replacement for the supervisor position."

He turned and walked away.

Sara smiled.

Grissom smiled.

"Your plan worked."

She grinned. "I knew that as long as I smiled at her every day and paid her no attention to the assignments she would get desperate. She did."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

He tried not to hover but he found himself doing it. She had learned to ignore him. The first couples of months he had been unbearable but he seemed to settle down once they had taken a short trip to the farm for a couple of days. She seemed extra tired these days and pushed herself less and less.

Her attention was now focused on a different job and she caressed her bulging abdomen. 

_This is further than I've ever gotten…_

_He's so worried…_

_I'm not worried…_

There had been a few scares but all in all it had been a relatively easy pregnancy. She now sighed as she plopped down on his couch in his office and tried to lie down. He hurried in and sat down.

"Am I late?" he said.

"No, I'm early," she said.

"Is he awake?" he asked.

"Yes …could you help me lie down?" she asked.

He grinned.

"Wipe that smirk off your face," she said.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look?" he asked.

She smiled followed by a yawn.

"Rest. You promised the doctor you would rest every couple of hours."

She sighed. "Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not sure I can keep working…I'm too tired these days. I almost fell asleep in Judge Mathis's court."

He grinned. "I do that all the time."

She grinned.

"Sara, perhaps it would be good if you went on medical leave for the remainder of the pregnancy….you've got a few more weeks and then…"

"Don't say it. I've been counting down every day. If I go into premature labor, he has a good chance of survival in just a few more weeks."

He kissed her as he stood and began working on his paperwork.

"Ecklie has been happier now that I've designated time each day to do paperwork."

"You just want to be here when…"

"His gain is mine also."

He smiled when he noticed she had fallen asleep already.

She took his advice and went on early medical leave. She spent her days walking Bruno and decorating the nursery. Once it was completed she sat there and found herself restless. He wasn't prepared to find the bags packed when he arrived home. She sat there with leash on Bruno and bags lined up in a row.

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

"Home."

"Sara, you are home," he said.

_Catherine warned me there would be days like this…_

"I want to go to the farm," she said.

"No!"

Dog and Wife looked at him. He ignored the looks.

"Why?"

"Sara, you're eight months pregnant. I get nervous just going across town with you."

"I'm going."

"No, you're not."

"I miss it."

"We'll go after the baby is born. I promise," he said.

She sat there and sulked.

The dog whined.

"Not you too!" he said.

"Gil, please."

_She used my first name…_

_Don't fall for it…_

_Don't fall for it…_

_She's pouting again…_

_Don't fall for it…_

_Don't fall for it…_

_She's sniffling now…_

_Don't fall for it…_

_Don't fall for it…_

_She's…_

"Sara, please don't cry….stop…please….okay…I'll call into the office…"

"I already did," she said with a smile.

"I have to pack…"

"I did that too," she said patting the suitcase beside her.

Bruno wagged his tail.

She wiped her eyes.

He groaned.

He told himself to say no the entire drive up there. She pulled his hand over and placed it on her abdomen and he smiled when he felt the kick.

She had forgotten about the stairs. She noticed them the moment they walked through the door. He did too. 

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," he said.

"We can sleep downstairs," she said as she headed to the guest room. She opened the door and stepped inside. It was a smaller room but the bed was comfortable. The porch swing was right outside the window.

She ignored his looks as she unpacked and then headed for the porch swing. They had dinner at the small diner and then a short walk around town. She fell asleep on the way back. Bruno pulled on the leash but Grissom refused to let him go.

"Don't think so," he said as he made him go inside the house before waking her.

She went immediately to bed as he sat in the swing and watched her sleep. He picked up a few things and then headed toward the bedroom. He stepped inside and found the bed empty. He checked the downstairs bathroom and then stepped outside on the porch. He then noticed Bruno was also missing. He walked up the stairs and found her curled up in their old bed.

He slid in beside her.

"Not supposed to be walking up the stairs," he chided.

"Just one night….I think this is where he was conceived," she whispered.

"Or the barn or the field by the lake or…"

He felt a jab and he grinned. "I enjoyed every moment of it."

"Me too."

"Sara?"

She turned to look at him.

"Are you scared?"

"No."

_I am…_

_I'm afraid if we lose him…._

_I can't imagine getting this far…._

_I am…_

"This place always makes me feel better…something about it."

"I know."

"Still regret that we came?" she asked.

"I'm still going to worry."

"Stop. Let's enjoy this time. We're together….we have a dog and a baby on the way…just feel him Grissom."

He placed his hand on her abdomen and smiled.

"I told you not to eat those onions. I don't think he liked them."

"He just knows where we are."

Grissom kissed her as he closed his eyes.

The week flew by and as they drove away, he pulled her hand up to his lips.

"I promise…after the baby is born we'll come back," he said.

He wasn't prepared when she went into labor. He was jerked awake by a tap on his shoulder telling him it was time to get up and go. He closed the bathroom and showered and then came out to find her sitting on the bed with arms folded.

"Finished?" she asked.

He looked baffled.

"Grissom, I need to go…I'm in labor!"

He panicked.

"I thought it was time for work…I'm sorry. I was getting ready for work."

He was rushing now pulling her up and grabbing a suitcase.

"Grissom!"

He stopped.

"That suitcase is empty. It's the other one."

"Right," he muttered as he switched the suitcases and then headed toward the door only to dance about trying to locate the keys.

"Grissom?"

He stared at her.

"You put them in your pocket right after you let Bruno out."

"Right," he muttered as he opened the door and then closed it leaving her to stand there in the foyer.

He slowly opened the door and she walked out without saying a word.

He started to drive away when she stopped him.

"You didn't set the alarm," she said.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" he muttered. "The hell with the alarm system."

"Grissom."

He got out and reset it.

He smiled when they made it there in record time. She stared at him in disbelief.

"What?"

"This is the doctor's office…I need the hospital….should I drive…you worked a double…you're tired."

"I'm fine!" he yelled.

She turned her head to hide the smirk.

He suddenly felt guilty.

"I'm sorry honey. I shouldn't have…"

She was twisting his hand now as she fought through the pain. He tried not to yell out but rather kept quiet and drove like hell.

He ignored the bruises on his hand as they entered the delivery room. 

_I'm prepared for this…_

_I've seen every video…._

_Read every book…_

_I'm prepared…_

He wasn't prepared the moment he watched as they tried to give her the epidural. The first attempt failed and he watched as she closed her eyes and fought against the pain as the nurse inserted the needle once more. Her grip tightened and he wanted to switch hands but knew the other hand was already bruised from the encounter in the vehicle.

They told him it was an easy birth as he tried to imagine a difficult one. He watched his son exercise his lungs and felt like doing the same thing but he held it in as his son was placed in his arms and he felt her swipe at his cheeks.

He didn't care.

He was holding his son.

He was holding a part of Sara and himself.

He remembered the pain they had endured in order to get to his moment and the delivery. 

He decided some things were best forgotten.

She smiled.

She felt the same.

"Remember your promise" she said.

He smiled.

The end.

Note from author:

Thanks so much for reading along and taking the time to give a review. They are the reason I write so be kind and leave one! I am still putting the finishing touches on the other story entitled "Learning to Breathe Again." Please be sure to put me on author alert so you will receive the first chapter when it begins. Remember I am not going to post it until it is done so when you get that alert be ready to read, read, read but don't forget to leave that review! 

Thanks and take care!

Penny


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